After some issues between myself and my husband, I thought we were being more open in communication and working with each other while learning to deal with the chronic illnesses and disabilities I have acquired since we have been married. In fact the major issues were caused by having our lovely children, not something I did to myself (like using illegal drugs or drinking too much) and I am now disabled.
My husband told me he loved me when he walked out the door to take the kids to visit their grandparents. When he walked back in he told me he no longer had feelings for me because I was disabled or as he said "defective" He stated that he did not understand why I was not getting better (one of my chronic illnesses is NONE CURABLE another condition causes me to not be able to feel my right leg from the knee down) Against doctors orders I walk and only sometimes need to use my cane. I've managed to adapt to not feeling my foot and as long as I can see it I can move around ok, but I digress, there is little outlook for any of the other chronic illnesses to go away.
So, now, I am considered "defective" because I have chronic illnesses and am disabled and am no longer loved by the man who pledged to me "in sickness and in health" and now "doesn't care" How does one wrap their mind around this??!!
Now, while getting on lists for low income housing (my SSDI does not provide me with enough money to rent an apartment, pay for my health care, and take care of the children) and on lists for any other type of social services that I might qualify for... now, in between all of this all I can do is sit and wonder why I can't be loved due to a disability or chronic illness... what is going to happen to me and my little children... how does a person with visual disabilities find someone that will accept who they are and love them however they are? I have found quite a few "disabled' people in relationships became disabled after the relationship was already started (just like mine did) Anyone else been dumped because of your chronic illness or disability and was your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend, blaming your disability or illness? How on earth did you handle that? My world is shattered as is my heart- and now it seems that while I have the joy of watching my children grow up and have their love- I am not destined for a love of my own due to being "defective" I feel so defeated.