To tell or not to tell that is the question.

• By learnFMnow
• Reply 3461094
• October 15, 2012 at 7:40 pm
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If your family has not seen any behaviors from you that need an explanation, then I would say you could just not tell them at all if you don't feel comfortable with it. But if they have been concerned about you because of your mood etc.. then I would tell them the diagnosis. Of course it is nothing to be ashamed of or keep secret really because it is common. It is very difficult to suffer this illness though I would think. I have major depressive disorder and have had for many years. I do tell people when I get into a very depressed state that it is a physical illness.

Just my thoughts,

Debra

• By meps
• Reply 3461116
• October 15, 2012 at 7:48 pm
• Report post

NO do not tell any one you have bi polar disorder. You have a diagnosis and can now control with meds and counselors. No one should know about it. It is in fact against the laws of the land for anyone to ask what your disability or medical condition is. Why? Because if they are told it becomes common knowledge and can ruin your life! Because people have been so injured by this sort of thing that the law was inacted for our future protection. So NO. No one needs to know. You are no more ill than any one else. You can control it with meds and live a productive and happy life. You can use your talents and gifts within your illness and succeed where others cant. You are not required to explain your moods to anyone.

• By strength-in-nbrs
• Reply 3461498 · In reply to 3461094 by learnFMnow
• October 15, 2012 at 9:55 pm
• Report post

Thanks for your advice on the matter. I live in a different state then the rest of my family so they don't really get to see my highs and lows. And now that i am taking medication they wont :-) My mom suffers from sever depression so I know the effects that it can have on a family. The last thing i want is to tell my family and have them get that "not another one" feeling, even thought im sure they wouldnt react that way and would be very supportive. I think i will just keep this one to my self.

Thanks again!

• By strength-in-nbrs
• Reply 3461525 · In reply to 3461116 by meps
• October 15, 2012 at 10:02 pm
• Report post

Thanks for your advice with this topic. I feel like with my family and friends I can be open if I feel the need or want to be, i dont as of now, but who knows what the future might bring. As for the rest of the world i agree, it simply not their business. One of my big concerns is that i have a growing family and one of those medical questions is "do you or a family member have a history of mental illness" Shouldn't they be aware since it could aid them in the future? I just have so many questions about this new found disorder.
Thanks again!

• By aty
• Reply 3461625
• October 15, 2012 at 10:36 pm
• Report post

I also have bipolar disorder and I only told my brother and a very few friends on the outside world. People don't understand what it even is really. I just don't say to much about it. My friends here on inspire do know I have it but I trust them all because they don't judge you. They like you for who you are that are all wonderful people on here. So all ways remember you will all ways have someone to come to if you have any ?s. I found I had bipolar when I was in my 30's and at first I didn't want to hear it. I did keep it to myself for a very long time. You can still run a very productive life. I did I went back to school at age 40 and got my GED. I was told by many people you want never get it but I showed them. It took me 10 years to get it but I did it. I have helt down a job and plus other things. But in the past year I have been going public and telling my story. People need to know people with a mental illieness can do anything other people do. Like I have all ways said the only way people will ever know is we half to speak out. People need to learn more and the only way is to speak up. I don't care for people who judge others. We all have something or other. There is no perfect person out there. Just remember you are a good person and don't let people tell you different.

• By strength-in-nbrs
• Reply 3461708 · In reply to 3461625 by aty
• October 15, 2012 at 11:11 pm
• Report post

I couldnt agree more with you about the uneducated public when it comes to this disorder. We do need to find a way to create awareness so people know that we are the same as they are. If someone says they have cancer they are not judged, why should mental illness be any different. I am with you on not caring about people who feel the need to judge others as if they are better or something. Luckily for me i have thick skin and dont really care what others think. It is very comforting to know that i have found a community of people such as your self who are there to lend a helping hand when times get tough.
Thanks for your advice.

• By learnFMnow
• Reply 3462123
• October 16, 2012 at 6:57 am
• Report post

js you should never be judged. I am judged and have been for major depressive disorder I am sure. But we have to just let people think what they want when they don't listen to reason. I am sorry for the difficulty in your life right now and I so hope your meds make everything better.

hugs,
Debra

• By strength-in-nbrs
• Reply 3463080 · In reply to 3462123 by learnFMnow
• October 16, 2012 at 12:35 pm
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Thanks learnFMnow, Things are getting better slowly. I just need to stay on top of my meds, i havent yet fallen in to the routine of taking them everyday although i am getting better with it. I only miss a does a week now which is a hugh improvement for me. Luckily i have a very supportive wife who could not be more understanding. I was diagnosed only a month before our wedding and had no clue how to tell her. The day i was told i remember sitting in the parking lot crying alone because i didnt know what to do. When i finally built up the courage to go upstairs and talk with her she took one look at me and knew something was wrong. She didnt ask questions or make me feel like i had to explain everything, she just comforted me and let me know that what ever i needed she will be there. Gotta say I love her, such an amazing woman!
To all of the people who have been helping me here thank you, it means a lot to me to know there are people here who support each other.

• By HarleyWife46
• Reply 3465161 · In reply to 3463080 by strength-in-nbrs
• October 17, 2012 at 8:10 am
• Report post

I am using talk to text on my phone, so I apologize for no capitalization when I start a sentence! bipolar disorder has several stages and several diagnosis. I have a major bipolar depressive disorder. mental health issues, well should I say depression, runs in my dads family, so my father knows and my mother knows because she is close to me. my brother does not know and if he does he has never said anything about it. I also have other medical issues and take other meds. he does not like me driving or being around his children at certain times when I take my medication. I have to set my alarm on my phone to remind me to take my medication, because I have to take it 4 times a day. when I'm around him, he hears my alarm go off and he knows what its for. I will add that my brother is anti medication for anything! I have told other serious relationships that I have been in that I am bipolar depressive. they have understood once I explained it to them and have been supportive. my current relationship that I am in, is similar to my brother. he calls all medication dope. hey knows I see a psychiatrist, to get a couple of my meds and know that I am on a so called nerve pill hey hours that's why? to make this a short story, I have fibromyalgia and had meningitis 6 years ago and I have had problems since. I tell him I am on these meds to keep me calm and to keep me from getting depressed from the pain that I go through and from the trauma I went through. I have been in an abusive relationship in the past, I am Not Now. I'm as happy as I have ever been in my life. Now he says I should not need those meds. hey says if all your stress has been taken away from you, why would you need those meds??? so no, I have not told him I have a bipolar depressive disorder. his wife died 8 years ago of lung cancer, so I don't know if maybe that has something to do with it or not. he is sympathetic when I do have aching from my fibromyalgia. but he definitely does not understand mental health issues. and to be honest with you, I don't think he ever will!! I am glad you were able to tell your future wife! I'm even more glad that she is supportive of you!! :-) that means a lot, and I know how you feel! best of luck to you and her and best of luck to you with your meds!! oh yeah, don't forget to take them!

• By strength-in-nbrs
• Reply 3469896
• October 18, 2012 at 7:41 pm
• Report post

No worries about the capitalization. I can relate about mental illness running in the family, my mother suffers from sever depression as well as other things. She has been in and out of the hospital for many years starting when i was 5. That was a very difficult time to lose my mother as i knew her and my father would have to work double shifts just to keep the family surviving financially. He is also an alcoholic who would drink his stress away. when he was working doubles i would have to go and live with friends for weeks if not months at a time. When he finally had enough money to stop working so much and we could return home, his drinking didnt slow at all. He would forget to pick me up from hocky games (let alone actually watch me play) and when i finally found a ride home i found him passed out on the floor next to an empty bottle and my bed room window shattered from him trying to paint the house drunk. these things would happen all the time. I got to a point with all of this, that i hated the Doctors that took my mother from me.
This built strong negative feelings about medication for me. I would look at my mother and knew she was not the same anymore, she was no longer my mother as i knew her. In the long run this set a terrible wall up around me for medications of any kind, i wouldnt even take aspirin for a headache. Then i was hit with my diagnosis and the first thing they tried was to give me medication to control it and well lets just say that Dr had no idea what he got him self into. It took sometime before i opened my mind to the idea of meds. Now i am taking them as best i can and make every effort i can to keep it up. I do know how much they help me and that has given me the motivation i need to stay on track with them. Just hard some times ya know.
My brother has similar feelings as yours. He just doesnt want to think that his little brother is suffering and he cant do anything to help. He was the one who would protect me when i was little going through all that craziness. He now accepts it but i know it sits in the back of his mind "how can i help him" "how can i get him better so he doesnt need those pills"
Its just going to take time for him to get over the fears that i will turn out like mom. I wont!

you take care shippie. i enjoyed reading your post!

• By HarleyWife46
• Reply 3471075 · In reply to 3469896 by strength-in-nbrs
• October 19, 2012 at 8:49 am
• Report post

OMG- what is childhood you went through. I don't no you obviously, but I admire you so much for what you have been through! if these are the only affects you end up with after the childhood you went through, God blessed you!!!! I have been left speechless, and that is rare for me...

keep us informed on how you and your meds are doing. as I am sure you are probably already aware, you will be on them for awhile, a long while. bipolar, is not something like diabetes or high blood pressure that can be controlled later on with diet or something like that. I actually see my psychiatrist next Friday and 1 problem that I have with my bipolarism is that I am a shopping addict, when I start to hit my depression phase. NOT GOOD as I am NOT made of money!!! it has gotten me into financial problems in the past, and my mom has bailed me out. it is starting again, my mom and I talked about it last night. but my blast visit to the psychiatrist said he feels that I am heading into a bipolar swing. believe you me, I believe him now. you should see how much money I have spent. but I justify it by saying they are all good bargains. everything has been on sale and great deals! I realize that is no excuse. my now question is, which I have in the past, see a psychologist? but I am now faced with do I see a psychologist again or not? do they help me? I don't know, I really don't think so. I think I just have to pass through this phase!

everyone's bipolar level and stage is different. that is mine in a nutshell! again I wish you the best of luck and stay in touch with us!!

• By hercules99
• Reply 3496113
• October 28, 2012 at 11:31 am
• Report post

When I was diagnosed I was blessed to be in a treatment center and the therapist spent one entire day in an open discussion with all of us about ''To tell or Not to tell''. She felt that it is no ones business. BUT! Do Not Lie. To much work and worry about what you said to who. I don't go around telling the word I am crazy, But if asked by someone I know who may notice my ups and downs, I am truthful. See, people do not understand any of this crap we suffer from and I have found if you try to educate them, well--we have all tried that. The therapist told us in her opinion we should get a comfortable answer/explanation and stick with it.

As far as telling family, well---my diagnosis has helped many, many cousins who had no clue our family had this genetic issue until I started asking questions about their moods, highs/lows, etc. Their world makes more sense to them now and has also helped them understand the so called ''black-sheep'' of the family.

Our mental issues are so intertwined in our genetic makeup and DNA sharing with family can only help, and if the family member is a jerk and can't handle the truth, screw em!!!!!

• By strength-in-nbrs
• Reply 3498061 · In reply to 3496113 by hercules99
• October 29, 2012 at 5:20 am
• Report post

I have still yet to share it with most of my family, i did tell my brother and the reaction was along the lines of what i was expecting. the first this he said was no! My older brother has been looking out for me and protecting me during my rough childhood, and he had trouble accepting that his little brother was hurting and for the first time he could not help me. He is very supportive now he just had a harder time accepting my illness. As far as friends and the rest of my family goes, i am sure a time will come that i will speak about the beast that hides beneath. I am still at a point in my illness that i dont fully understand it myself so i cant really share it with others because i dont have the answers to many questions that i am sure they will ask. So for now i will just keep talking to people here and gathering as many coping skills as i can.

• By hercules99
• Reply 3498353
• October 29, 2012 at 8:51 am
• Report post

The best thing you can do. KUDOS to you for knowing yourself well enough to wait til you can fully grasp the ins and outs of your beast and have the ability to explain and discuss it. Of course, some people, be them friend, family or foe will never understand what you are living with.

So continue to come see us here, cuz WE GET IT and never judge unless ya just get a case of the stupids. :) lol

• By Desertdweller
• Reply 3498910
• October 29, 2012 at 12:12 pm
• Report post

No one really cares in my world.

C

• By strength-in-nbrs
• Reply 3501417 · In reply to 3498910 by Desertdweller
• October 30, 2012 at 12:22 pm
• Report post

I am very sorry that you have not found the open ears you are looking for. If there is one thing this site has taught me it is that there are people who care and will give their sole to help you here. if you feel like opening up or have things you would like to talk about please let me know because i do care and i do understand. it is hard for people not suffering to understand what we go through but here you will find a wonderful support group of people who can relate. Please do not hesitate to contact me to just have a chat about what you are going through, i have been in your shoes and might be able to help or at least just listen and understand. Hope thing get better.

• By kulmer
• Reply 3501515
• October 30, 2012 at 12:48 pm
• Report post

I think it is good to tell people, but only once you have accepted the diagnosis yourself. I don't necessarily go shouting it to the world, but with people I am good friends with I like to be open and honest about it. It is a hard diagnosis to accept, but if you can tell people about it, along with an explanation of how it specifically affects you, it can actually help you cope with it. Having friends who can look out for warning signs and gently tell you when you might be close to experiencing an episode of mania or depression can be a big help!

• By strength-in-nbrs
• Reply 3503650
• October 31, 2012 at 6:13 am
• Report post

I agree, my wife has been very good at helping me recognize many signs that I simply miss due to distractions from the illness. It is very important to build a support group filled with people you love and if you hide it all your life that will never happen. They key is in the delivery of the input from your loved ones. My wife has an amazing talent at leading me to what i need to see rather than simply saying it herself. That is not only helpful to our relationship since i dont feel like she is telling me how i feel rather opening a window so i can see my self. It also helps me in learning what i need to look out for. Many times my symptoms tend to snowball out of control because i miss the early warning signs. Help in never a bad thing and you should not fear asking for it, there is no shame in asking for help.

• By hercules99
• Reply 3528757
• November 9, 2012 at 10:09 am
• Report post

Not only is there no shame is asking for help, there is also no shame in being ill, no matter what the health issue may be--physical--mental--whatever. But WE select who knows and it should stay that way.

• By ArleneB (Inactive)
• Reply 3531467
• November 10, 2012 at 9:57 am
• Report post

I know every case is different, but for myself I was glad I shared with some close friends what was going on. At a recent meeting 2 of those friends realized I was having a great deal of trouble and kept an eye on me until I could get out of there and back home where it was quiet. They did just the right things - support without making a big issue and making things worse. I think it's important to share with those you think would understand and not add to any uncomfortable feelings you may already have about yourself. I'm still working on letting go of my feelings of guilt, being a weakling and a failure.....but with the help of God, my doctor and close friends and family, am making progress.....finally coming to a peaceful place. And that's a good place to be. Blessings to you.