schizoaffective

Hello, My name is Andrew.
I found this site and tough, Eh!! why not register...
Anyways i am here because i want to see if i can meet people here that have similar mental health issues, i am schizoaffective...
I do not have allot of people in my life and i don't talk about my problems with them.. I have lost ALLOT of friends to, and i think it could be a nice experience to start talking with people on internet.
What pushed me to come here ? Since the past 2 week i am having a other Major down, And like i said now i have no one.
I keep on pushing everyone away even if i don't want to...

Well i am not so good at starting conversations... Maybe this is enough to start.

-Some random guy.

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do not worry about it. just tell whats going in your life right now...Chris

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hey Andew how are you i'm greg i've been on here a week and it is a good place iv'e had bi-polar since 1999 the only friend i got is my dog i went through years of this and it painful and as far as losing friends where they your friends or was you theres chris is right just telling other people helps u release your feeling holding them in for me they just build up! Here i found people with the same problems and some with worst problem but there is someone here that has the same and gives good advice and concern good to meet you Andrew even during such trying times, Greg

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Thx you guys,
Like i said since the past 2 weeks it`s been very hard, Seems to be the same thing year after year. During the holidays.
in 2010 i have meet a girl on Facebook, actually this girl went to school with me when we where young. We started seeing each other and in 2011 she gave birth to our son, not to long after she left me and went back with her mother. I was devastated. At that time i was drinking more then usual and took some cocaine etc. But after a month or so i was starting to accept that fact she was gone.. So a returned to work... (i was on medical leave). then in march i lost my job, my apartment , etc . So i had to move at my grand mothers place.(this is where i am right now). Now the reason why these past 2 weeks are very hard... My ex meet a guy, witch is driving me nuts that guy got her a cell phone after 1 week ?? So i just know hes going to buy my son to. And i can`t stop thinking of the fact they are having intimate relations, i can`t get the scenes out of my mind witch is driving me more crazy, 2 nights ago i made a couple of e mails to my ex saying i will punch her boy friends face in, if he comes neer me or my son. She called the cops and came here and told me to stop sending e mails and all so i stop`d (I was very drunk), and i keep on saying mean things to everyone cuz i am mad at everyone and at my self. So now i don`t know if my ex will let me see my son on the weekend now.....I am on unemployment and the gouv is seizing almost half my money for child support (Quebec gouv).

keep in mind this is a quick resume since 2010, lot`s of negative i can`t seem to find positive in my life (anyways not for right now).

A other quick resume is that my mother was bipolar and committed suicide when i was 3yo and my father never was in my life, i got stuck for a couple of year in a center for children (child protection). i have been taking meds since about 2002. I take 3 sorts of meds actually. In the past i attempted to suicide to..... When i had my car in 2007 i crashed it at 130km/h on the highway.. And other times before that.
I lost everything... Thats is the way i see it, and since i have a son and i got to pay child support i cant go to school or nothing like that. I have tried aall summer to find solutions but never get results. And now days i drink alot, and 2 days ago i got my unemployemnt chek and played it in the video poker machines so i lost all the money i had, that is a other problem i have is gambling, nothing is really positive and the way i feel right now is like being in denial i just sit on the couch and do nothing but think about all my problems.

I also take 3x the normal dose of seroquel at night to calm me down more usualy its 100mg i take 600mg, like i said now i feel robot like and i am just sitting here doing nothing. i could tell my self go do this go do that.... But it aint gonna happen i dont have any motivation ....

:/

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yea they tryed making me take seroquel but it put me to sleep or i would set at the table with drawl running out the side if my mouth that ended that i take clonazpam know its like a volume 1 mg it lets me think and stay com bipolar will test you to no limits to even get through this you have to take a step back on every situation an think with a calm cool head never go of half strung or act without think of the consquences never my wife left years ago took the kids married a man from kansas i don't even know my children it drove me crazy but there are things we have know control over one being what other people do we can only control what we do never make threats or become violent you will lose everytime! Your alive andrew bipolar is horrible when you think you've seen the worst it can get bader you have enough on you when you do talk to your ex tell her your sorry and don't let it happen again or you may lose visitation rights thats just how it is take a breath and work on you,you are the most important person in your life if you mess up it affect everyone and yourself come on andrew its hard i don't know of anything this hard but you can do it.

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the medications i take is :
Seroquel
Trazodone
Cymbalta

One meds i had to stop was Abilify since that one would actualy make me sleep all the time.
Seroquel i take up to 600mg at night but i wont get sleepy it will only help me sleep long hours.
If i do not take them, i will fall asleep and wake up every 30 to 45mins at night...

And i am a great dad with my son, i like taking care of him, i love him very much ! But since i get mad at my ex.... She`s probably gonna not want me to see him. Actually i hate her guts. Nothing i can do it look`s like....

For now i am just waiting for a low income housing so i can actually afford to live alone. I always worked since i am 16yo. But now the pain is digging in so deep! I just gave up on everything... I guess time and more thinking will help. But even when i think i can`t stop thinking my ex will be part of my life for a LONG time and she will make sure i suffer, when i look at her i can see her almost enjoying it....

For now the only thing i can think of doing is to drink, cry, depress. I can`t seem to find a quick way out like i usually do....
I will see the doc soon, i might ask to change the meds, my mood is too chaotic and it`s driving me nuts !!

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I quit drinking 2 years ago that would be advisable with the meds my ex took my kids and i had know relationship at all know they are grow and want even talk too me because of the lies there mother has told them don't let that happen stay cool be nice even when you don't want too let your ex do anything she pleases be nice keep what little contact you have with your son and yea depression and crying goes along with it get your head straight think and take care of yourself and things will fall into place probably not what you may want but hey your alive and get the right thoughts in your head and look to the future with you getting well i walk and jog alot not a fast jog but its for 3 mile and that relieves so much stress first start walking and build up to jogging i have chose the wrong woman to be in my life eerytime i've been single an going to school for 2years and its better to be alone than with someone that make you miserable

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wow, sounds like you have been through allot. I quit drinking some time back. It makes my anxiety worse the next day and gives me depression. Sometimes its easy to get stuck in a rut and really hard to get out of it. Violence is gonna get you places you don't want to be. I am sure you want to see your son. I take respirdone and zoloft. It seems to help, but this illness (schizoaffective) is really hard to control even with meds sometimes. I hope you are able to get in a home. I understand how you feel about your ex. When me and my husband were sepereated it was very hard to see him with someone.

kelly

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good morning Kelly glad to hear you stoped drinking and your right it makes every thing worst you gave Andrew some good advice have a great day both of you!

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Hello, I was diagnosed with schizo-affective disorder. Sometimes I wish it's just a nightmare and that I will wake up and be normal again. Most of the time I feel as if I lost my privacy. If someone I know comes to my mind and I begin to think positive things, the next time I see them it comes to pass. Or, sometimes before they speak or say something, I hear it in my head first and then they say it. Does anyone go through this?

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Like the Observers in the tv series Fringe, They can predict what a person is about to say.
I don`t have that, but i sometimes hear a phone vibrator buzz, or smell burn toast, Pot, sometimes a perfume i can`t identify...
Today i feel better then when i started this post, But eventually it will come back, next week? next month? i don`t know, it`s really random, That`s what i hate the most about schizo-affective disorder.

As for someone speaking in my head, i think my own voice is getting me tired sometimes.
When i get into a depressed mood, i keep on playing these negative scenarios in my head and it drives me really crazy.
I get mad, paranoid, sad, These 3 start over and over for a couple of days until my mood gets better.

To be honest i could even tell how to avoid or get better faster, i ride the train until it`s done. But i also double my seroquel dose to be calmer. It`s the worst rides we can get and everything seems to be going into darkness, but today as i feel better i think back on the episode and i say to my self how can i get depressed like that and react like that ? I hate it, but like i said it comes back alot, sometimes i think... If i did not have these meds, i wonder how bad it could get and that scares me !!!

Anyways i guess you gotta force feed your mind into music.
What did you try in the past for the voices ?

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Yea pink71 i went through years of the and the voices they drove me in to issolation wondering and thinking what is this, It is horrible i'm sorry for you. and it didn't have to be someone i knew there could be a thought in my head or something or question i was thinking about i go to the store and a person would be talking to someone else and say a word that answer my question it would just click in my head that the answer but then like you this was always happening it hurt so bad drove me crazy thinking about it , then the voices would hit and it was like my thoughts they knew everything things that only i knew so i never took meds for that because i knew this is real there isn't any pill going to stop this a pill mite make it easier to handle but to cure no. i had to ask myself what can cause this what has the power to do this because this is impossible! but i found the answer that fitted me i change my life style moved for the town i lived inn and everything is starting to become normal i do know take a nerve pill but that is because of the trauma i went through and you are going through, start asking yourself what can cause thisdo fight it or get mad because that was a mistake i made and only made it worst if something is in your mind or can do what its doing it has more power than you it took years to figure this out with heart felt sorrow Greg

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Thank you all for responding! The things that I've been experiencing lately is nothing compared to my last episode which was in October 2012. I thought I was able to deal without the meds. But then my dad got ill with cancer and then I began to experience the high levels of stress. After that I felt as though the world was against me, as if helping him was not enough. So the hearing of voices began once again. I then returned to see the doctor for meds and thank God I feel alot better despite that I hear the person voice in my head first before verbally happens. I'm thankful for this website because there aren't support groups for this condition were I go to. My dad is now doing a whole lot better.

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Ma'am to me that is how i felt, the Whole world was against me to much strange stuff happen for this not to be the case, i didn't trust anyone after the voices hit me i knew they were for real just from what they told me about myself, what was going to happen and it happening, from 1999to 2009, but ma'am there were periods when there was no voices for months and then they tore me up again its been about 3 years since the last episode, but i had to changed my life style, the people i was friends with, we move back to our home town about 70 mile from where all this took place, but anyway i hope the best for you and your father My Mom passed sept 1,2011 i've been in college since then i live in a 24ft trailer by myself but have learned what it is to have peice and joy in my life again, where once i only dreamed of peice, and had forgotin what peice and joy was,you have my Love, Ma'am Pick 71

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Sorry to hear about your mom Greg. My life style is changing and I know its for the best. I'm learning to just simply take one day at a time for tomorrow has its own cares. I've drawn closer to God and my relationship with him has become more solid.

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Hi yeah i have been given the diagnosis schizoaffective disorder I have a hard time when i put on my clothes feeling complete always feeling sloppy. So tell me more about yourself maybe we can exchange numbers or something.

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Hello, I am also diagnosed with Schizo-affective Disorder. I also have PTSD. I am in Recovery now, and my life is alot better since ive been on Abilify, Cymbalta and Trazadone. Which was Oct 2010. I live alone in California, my family is from Massachusetts. In my illness I sort of hired a guy to drive me and my dog to Massachusetts so i could be safe and be with my twin sister who was my ONLY support system. I thought EVERYONE was after me. I was being followed State by State by people in white cars and black cars, motorcycles and finally helicopters. We made to Ohio because the man i hired broke my nose and was highly abusive toward me, so i flew the rest of the way. Anyway i also heard voices and loud sounds (audio). I still hear them from to time.

Thanks to all who listened, I'm just looking for friends who I can relate with too. Bye for now.

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I went through the same thing it is horrible and real when its happening keep your composure don't get worried it took me time to figure this one out of all the time i thought someone was following in me i never got stopped by them they never hurt me except scaring me half to death when this happens to you let them run up and down the road do not worry worring is only hurting youself the voices are horrible the pound your head badly there nothing you can do to a voice except endure what is your life style do not do any drugs or drink this multiply the effect of everything you just went through people can do the same just by saying a word of a thought you just had the voices as it called on here can last for days week months again don't fight with them u have to just endure them agian your life style what kind do you live i was into everything but this changed everything

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I had a friend who was schizoaffective he also lost his girlfriend who was also mentally ill. Anyway he took it hard and cut himself ended up back in the hospital. Last time I heard from him he was going off his meds it is sad that we couldn't stay connected. Anyway are you going to exchange numbers with bermygirl? ;)

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