Recovery

• By jaberu
• Reply 3417904
• September 30, 2012 at 3:33 am
• Report post

Hi Reindeer. The short answer is yes. But it takes a real commitment not to mention having the resources you need avalable. I don' have an ED but I have known a lot of people who did. The first thing you need to realize that people die from their ED's. It's not a benign disorder. You must be taught how to look at yourself realistically and you may need inpatient help as well. ED is very destructive. It's learned behavior in many cases that can be unlearned with the proper treament. Please do not treat this casually and try to get as much help as you can. I have lost several people from Ed's and I may not be a therapist or a doctor, but I do know what I'm talking about-take care and be well, James...

• By reindeerc
• Reply 3417936 · In reply to 3417904 by jaberu
• September 30, 2012 at 4:48 am
• Report post

Thanks for responding. I know I could die from my ED but I think I won't be one of the statistics. In denial. I say I am the queen of denial. I know this sounds selfish but there are times I wish I would die because I could finally stop all of the daily insanity associated with my ED. Actually, I think I truly need a near death experience before it will ever click for me. Right now I have no life. It is all about exercise, food, and the kids. The kids keep me going even though they drive me crazy..lol. I have 3 boys. I do not know anyone or associate with anyone with ED. There are no support groups nearby. The closest thing is about an hour away. I just isolate and am wrapped up in my own little ED world. I want to change my behaviors but I want my body to stay the same. Thanks again for listening. I really wish I new someone that got through their ED. I would love their insight on their struggle.

• By jaberu
• Reply 3417983
• September 30, 2012 at 7:11 am
• Report post

Just don't give up until you get help, ok?

• By Leeny
• Reply 3480957
• October 23, 2012 at 7:02 am
• Report post

Hello Reindeerc,

I have suffered from Bulimarexia for over 20yrs. I know the struggles you go through as I have and do every day. I have been in therapy and they all say the same nobody understands this disease better then someone who has lived it and battle it. I never say today is a going to be a good day because its minute to minute and that's a set up. I wake up and I am mindful of my triggers and what I can and cannot eat. I keep my mind busy and turn to other things then this So Called Friend we have "ED", sometimes it wins or I am not strong enough at the moment and I am tired of fighting to release. So long ago little was known of this and yet today we still have no support groups. Many people are in denial and don't come forward. I will say this for you to ask the question about Recovery you are closer then you think. We do it because we can control it. We can't control others or situations but, this is the one thing we can. Unfortunately, I get out of control sometimes. I hope this helps. You are not alone and just so you know ED is like a alcoholic we never fully recover. When I say this I mean we will always be in recovery and need to learn to cope with our problems a different way and not take it out on ourselves. Recovery will be a constant. An alcoholic is always and alcoholic. They have books for 12 Steps to Over Eaters. I have also gone to some AA meetings and reversed it to help me. It sometimes works and you actually find other people there going through this. Good Luck! All the Best!

• By aty
• Reply 3481013
• October 23, 2012 at 7:34 am
• Report post

I have Bulimarexia also I went to a eating disorder clinic for over a year. When I first moved to Wisconsin I only weighed 60 lbs. Let me tell you I do have my days were I have it rough but I make it. I am one who have been thru hell and back. I can say I am recovery. I did have a problem a couple of months back and I called my sponser. I still see a eating disorder therpist and it does help. I am all ways telling my self you are a good person and don't give up. So I just keep going forward. I do watch I eat because there is alot of food that are triggers I just try really hard not to buy those foods. By having eating disorder it has caused many health issues. I had to have stomach surgery so they could fix the lining of my stomach because of it. I have had alot of changes that made me feel good about me. I had a couple of other surgerys also. Before I could get help I tried suicide and had to wake myself up and say you got to do something. But what really woke me up was when I did almost die. I told myself I am going to do something and I did and I can say it is work in progress everyday. You will never get read of it but you can do something about it. There is only one me and theres no one who can take care of me. I half to take care of me. Before anyone can help me. So the day I took that big step let me tell you it was very scary but I did it. But I still struggle some days. But I can honestly say I haven't did any puking now for about 4 months. It is very hard when you don't have someone to talk to. I am happy I can call my sponser or my therpist if I need to.

• By Leeny
• Reply 3481940
• October 23, 2012 at 12:30 pm
• Report post

I am so glad you have someone to talk to. That always helps. I have a friend who has also suffered through it and we help each other. I as well almost died I think many of us have come close some not so lucky. I learned and I am moving forward. I can only disappoint myself and that's not happening. I reached out to you because I understand your pain. Although, I consider myself still like this as I feel others in my family always continue to ask. I have been purge free since my health scare in July 2011. The self talk and being very mindful always helps and I live by that. If you ever need to talk you can reach out to me. Its a work in progress but, I am on my way. I no longer see a therapist because meds is not the way for me. I now know I have to do it for me as I am an adult its taken some time but, I don't look at how long its been since my last episode I just remember how close and how scared I was.

• By reindeerc
• Reply 3483930
• October 24, 2012 at 3:22 am
• Report post

aty and leeny,

Thanks for your response. I struggle daily. I am the queen of denial. I think I actually need to have a near death experience before I will ever find the strength to recover. May I ask what occurred in each of your near death experiences? I do not know anyone else that suffers from ED, do not have a therpist, and do not have any friends because I am so wrapped up in my ED. The ED behaviors always come first so I can handle the anxiety associated with it. In the end, I isolate. Don't get me wrong, I love being busy and out of the house but I cannot do anything until my rituals with exercise are complete. Then I restrict all day until 10pm which I will then allow myself to drink more than water. I then eat all my food in one sitting which I do in the early am(like 2am) so I can eat alone. I am 38 yrs old and do not think I will ever change. I recently applied for disability because I cannot control my OCD and anxiety. It is such a crazy cycle. I am not a religious person and cannot just accept myself and give it up to a higher power. I never thought of trying the alcoholic group and relating it to my issues. I have just accepted that this is my life. It is sad because I could be so much more and give so much more to my family and the world. I just cannot find the strength. Thanks for listening and all of your time.

• By Mistirex
• Reply 3580434
• November 28, 2012 at 6:35 pm
• Report post

Reindeerc,
I Just want to let you know Jesus loves you so much!! When you're hurting he is too. I don't know you but I am concerned and I do care, I hope you will be able to find some support from a church. Maybe you could find an exercise buddy through a nearby church.

God Bless you,
Reindeerc

• By aty
• Reply 3581441
• November 29, 2012 at 4:34 am
• Report post

For me before I did reach out for help I hit rock bottom and then I relized I couldn't do it on my own. My was a long road because I first had to get sober and which I have been sober now for 13 years. Then I had to get my mental illieness in control and then when happened then I worked on my eating disorder and let me tell you it was a long road and there is some days were I struggle. I am not perfect and don't want to be. On my really bad days I do go to my quiet place and say a prayer and ask God to help through my struggles. Like Leeny said when were hurting God hurts also. It is never to late to get help and you will get there just take it a step at at a time. Reindeerc just remember your a good person and you will get there. I don't know you but I am here for you. And I want you to know I care very much.

• By reindeerc
• Reply 3584420 · In reply to 3581441 by aty
• November 30, 2012 at 2:12 am
• Report post

Aty-
Thanks so much. I commend you for all of the hard work you put in to your recovery. I wish I believed in a god or higher power so maybe I could just accept me for what and who I am, but I do not. Many people tell me to let god lead me. Prayer works for many but it is not my thing. Can you give me any tips on how you accept yourself for who you are? I struggle so much with the ED, OCD, and depression.....Oh, and the terrible anxiety if I switch any part of my routine up which includes my eating schedule and safe foods. I can only imagine how many people you have seen to help you recover from all of your issues. I have 3 boys(1 with autism) and do not have the $ or time to devote to getting better. I think I would have to put 100% of myself into it to make any progress. Thanks again for your kind response.