I am going to be honest..... last weekend, I tried to kill myself. I took a lot of pills washed them down with some alcohol and went to bed.
As you may already know..... It did not work. Not sure exactly how I got to the hospital, since I happen to live alone, but needless to say I was there in the psych ward that is in my area. I was there for the entire week.
Now that I am home, I am a prisoner. Not sure exactly what deal was struck so that I can go home, but I am here.... with my mother hovering over everything that I do in a 1 bedroom apt.
She will even be driving me to and from work for the next month. How adult is that, I am in my 40's and I am limited to what my mother will allow. I have been taking care of myself since I was 16 yrs old.
I have to see my therapist now 3 times a week and a psychiatrist appt has been made so that he will be able to assess if meds are needed, which she will ensure that I go to since I am not allowed to drive a car for the next month unless my therapist tells tells them (whoever they are) that it needs to be extended.
I know that she hates to have to uproot her life to take care of me again as an adult, but I have yet to see any animocity since it has only been 1 day.
How is treatment like this supposed to make me feel better about myself. I suppose I am better off then some being that I did get to go home. However, with everything that I do now seems as if she is judging me. Her looks make me feel as if I am a disappointment. My two sisters make me feel as if something is wrong with me like I am this delicate flower that needs to handled with care. I can hear her on the phone talking to them giving progress reports on everything from how much food I have eaten to weather or not I decided to take a shower or even comb my hair.
What did they tell my job was the reason that I was not in the office for a week? I dread going to work in the morning.
If this is the first weekend home, how will the next month be?