New to group

I've been posting on the inspire liver group for some time and recently found that some of us have OCD. I'd like to join this group and invite my friends to come along.

Report post

136 replies. Join the discussion

I just joined too. Yeah!!!

Report post

Me three! Thanks CC, HI Blue - Jinx
How do you know if you have OCD. For those dx what is the criteria?
I know something is not quite right. Well not quite right is an understatement

Report post

Yeah for a few years j was just in one medical side of this site but I love this group the people here are more supportive well then the others ones I had joined

Report post

Suzy. On this site we won't worry about embarrassment. We only have to reveal what we want to. As we gain trust in each other we'll be able to gauge better.

Report post

Ok CC, so I want to say ru sure???
I am willing to stretch my "boundries" a bit cause I am very curious and I feel this connection to what has been said.
A camaraderie if you will.
Thanks

Report post

Sure I mean it. I'm not sure i want to drag up the bad old days but if we can help each other than we accomplish something. If we get out of our personal comfort zones we can stop. Did you ever have therapy and did it help. I got myself tangled up in a mess of sin and guilt. I actually went to a psychologist who was a priest. He helped me with the sin issues. The hardest part is defining what is real and what is nuts. No easy job for people like us. I also had a lot of trouble with germs and causing sickness. It is funny that a lot of what I thought was crazy behavior, handwashing and spreading germs is sort of widely believed now! Sometimes I wonder is there some secret need to abase myself. It is hard that with these obsessive thoughts we can't share them with others. We are too afraid to be thought crazy.

Report post

Good morning CC,
I choose not to dig up the past either, I have spent to much time moving forward. However I have found over a time that the past keeps coming up and slapping me in the face.
Some things I have put to rest and some things I thought I put to rest I haven't
If there is any way that I can learn more about me and hopefully continue a good life with what is going on physically I am willing.
I have had infrequent counseling in my life. It wound up bringing up more questions than answers and 1 person I saw left me somewhat traumatized.
Because they did not have a definition for most behaviors in the past, there were things missed.
Wasn't till massage school back in '92 that a teacher explained how we all learn different. Light on!! Also found I had/have dyslexia
Didn't start on anti-depressants until '06 because of my disease.
You are so right in that I don't want people to think of me as crazy. Very scary. It's the "One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest " scarey
I was a nurse and saw to much maybe. Anyway thank you for your support, Awesome!!!!

Report post

I think we should be about to talk about anything in here. As long as your comfortable talking about, put it out there and don't worry what anyone else says or thinks. Now we know we're not alone, there are other who share this hell we walk through. For once, we can talk about it, ask questions about, rant and rave about it, without the fear of being made fun of or talk down to.

For me, I think I knew even when I was a kid that something just wasn't right about me but that was before that had a name for it. What is scary to me, is some of my symptoms are also the symptoms of Asperger's. When I was a toddler, the Dr told my Mom I just had a really good imagination. Now I wonder if it was the start of something more. I know I have always had a thing with the numbers 2,4,and 8. I count that way, lay things out that way, even doodle the numbers. I have an infinity ring because it resembles the number 8. If I have to add a number to something, its always a 2,4 or 8. I picked my cell number because it had the most 2s.

Ever since I was little and worse now that I'm older, I loved getting dirty. Sweat and dirt feels good but, when I'm done with what I'm doing, I have to take a long shower and wash twice. It can't be a bath because there is dirt in the water as soon as I get in. I have to be totally clean from head to toe. And if I'm going to bed after, what I sleep in has to be just pulled the dryer clean as well as my sheets.

I also get so fixated on things or worse a person, that I block almost everything else out. I will lose sleep over, dream about it and almost plan my day around it. If its a person, I will almost be a stalker. Now that we have internet, I will spend every waking hour possible finding out more about it. I love to write and once I had a story, a movie almost, going through my head and for months I spent every waking hour writing it. I ate my computer, carried a note pad with me, wrote it and rewrote it. I saw and heard the characters in my head 24/7. It became such an obsession that I would shake because I couldn't get it wrote down fast enough.

Sometimes it's not so bad and I can stop myself, sometime I go weeks or years without being bothered with it. But now that I'm older, and when my liver is really hurting, my confusion is worse and all that, it comes back full force. Now more than ever, people around me notice it and think I'm nuts. I've even walked up on people talking about me and how strange I am. But when I have good days with my LD, it seems to go away again or be so mild I can control it.

LOL Suzy, you're not the only one that rambles. I do that a lot and to me I'm making sense. Others go "huhhhh".
Gotta run, another busy day but I'll be back checking in on and off.

Hugsssssssss everybody and thanks for making this a safe place. Just talking about it and knowing others understand is a huge help.

Report post

HI and bye Blue-Jinks
Glad to see you posted today
Your 5th paragraph is so true of me wow
Guess if I was be honest I love 7's and 3's
I did post some things on the OCD postings
Thanks so much to you and CC for the encouragement
For some reason today when I first read CC's post and now years tears well up in my eyes and the I'm not sure if it's because of the caring or a true knowledge of what I feel or what
Love and Prayers ton you both

Report post

I lost my job eleven years ago. I was an executive assistant to the vp of research and one day I read a report I wasn't meant to see where my boss had asked all his staff what they thought of me and then he told me things just were'nt working out. I had worked for him for 12 years and trusted him. I was totally shattered. The thing is that eleven years later I can't get over it. I replay the time over and over and over. If I don't think of it during the day I dream about it. I just was so betrayed and humiliated. They gave me an early retirement package (I was 54) that was really good but I still don't understand it and I worry it like a dog bone. How can I stop obsessing? I have alive, I like not working, we are okay for money but over and over it goes in my brain

Report post

Love the phrase "worry it like a dog bone" I see the picture.
What happened was so wrong and unfair and totally unprofessional.
Unfortunately if HR didn't do anything and you didn't bring a discrimination suit or smack the crap out of him I don't see how it can end. It doesn't matter how glad you are that you aren't working. It doesn't help
It's an injustice that was not righted. Until it feels right in your mind in your mind it continues.
Have you tried writing a letter about how you truly feel and then burning it up? It's one of those self help things I got along the way. It worked on something I was carrying around about my Dad. Was in my 40's when that finally got resolved.
Do have resolution in your dreams? Maybe you can ask for some before you go to sleep.

Report post

You know, I think I am in touch with how I feel about it. Oh, and HR just sat there as he let me go and I had to sign an agreement not to sue to get the retirement package. I was just so humiliated that so many people had talked about me behind my back. This was in 2002. In 1998 my mother died and my father in 2001 . My son overdosed on heroin and died in 2000. I already was raising his three kids. My Godmother who I loved died two months after that. I was reeling. I guess what I really need, and it doesn't look like I'll get it is why. My work might have suffered some, but nothing major. Why did I get fired when I was at such a low point? Maybe I'm taking all the pain and wrapping it around the job issue. It was the betrayal I couldn't get over. Anyway, the point is that I should let go after all this time but I can't. I can't talk about to anyone because they don't understand why I hold on to it. I don't understand why I hold on to it. I think if I could just get this put away for good I could be free. Maybe this is my letter. I won't burn it but hope someone who has been through it reads it and offers a way to put it away.

Report post

CC I'm going through a little of that. I took care of my Mom on and off for over 20 years. But my life on hold most of the time to do. No one helped until the last couple years so when she left everything to me, they tried to sue me for it. I had one sister in my corner and she warned me so I could her a lawyer before theirs could do anything. Even though it's been almost 7 years, I can't let it go. I go to great efforts to make sure they can't find me or anything. I've done everything I can to get rid of the rage and hurt but it still gives me nightmares and brings on bouts of deep depression that last for weeks. I tried writing the letters and burning them since that had helped me deal with other things but it didn't help either. When I was first diagnosed with LD I was scared and really needed my family but I knew if I reached out to them, they'd go after me again for the money. My Mom knew one day I would need it more than them and I've used all of it for Dr's and hospitals. I thought about going to counseling but can't afford it after all the medical bills. I wish there was some way or something to help us feel better and put it behind us. None of us deserve to be treated like that.

Hugsssssssss to all of us!!

Report post

OMG I had a really good post prior to eating. Came back and finished what I could and hit post only to find that my session timed out!
It's the simple s--- that blows me away. Now it's disconnected thoughts
Caring people who take care of others are often not taken care of in the way we need.
I took care of my mom till she died. Dad too
Anyway CC how you even got through all of that coming back to back is pretty amazing. You must be stronger than you think.
You are amazing women!
I think that as we keep communication open the answer will come.
GOD BLESS you both

Report post

Bluejinks and Suzy, what kind of liver problems do you have? I have alcoholic cirrhosis and diabetes.

Report post

I have alcoholic cirrhosis and all the complications that go with it including osteoporosis.

Report post

Blue, did you have many problems giving up alcohol? I did not which really surprised me after all the years I drank.

Report post

Morning,
Chronic Hep C that led to Cirrhosis
Found out on a routine yearly physical, probably had it for 30 years or more. Then came the enlarged spleen that has eaten my platelets, liver enlargement and all the other side issues as Blue said the osteoarthritis/osteoporosis
I had already given up alcohol about a year before this happened Big Deal LOL
I did go to AA and NA (80's) and all of that because my life was on a slow ticket to nowhere. I realize that there are many ways to commit suicide. Sitting on the banks of the Truckee River in Nevada. Broke no place to go everything gone and asking GOD to tell if there was lesson I needed to learn I hope it would come soon cause I wasn't getting it
I stayed sober for a long time then I had decided that I wanted to be able to drink "normally" and I would have a drink when we went out to dinner, etc but overtime it just didn't taste good I didn't like the way it made me feel so I quit.
Just as I thought I was living the clean life then boom
Docs that I went to in the beginning and 1 stupid nurse said it was drugs. This disease does have it's shame out there with people
I was also a nurse long time ago before they new this stuff existed so that could be it, truth be no one knows.
I have had to stay strong in my convection that how I may have gotten it isn't as important as what do I do now! Trust me I spent a lot of time obsessing about why and how in the beginning,

Report post

CC I stopped on and off several times over the years but as soon as I'd get really depressed or stressed I'd go back. And I drank the hard stuff, like 90 proof. When they first diagnosed me, they said I needed to stop. When I went to the emergency room after losing 3/4 of my blood, I saw a different Dr. He did my banding and my son pulled him outside and told him to be straight with me. No tip toe around it, I wanted and needed to be talked to straight and to the point. He came back in, looked me straight in the eyes and said "if you ever have so much as one small sip again, you'll be dead before they can get you here to me. I've lost too many patients who thought they could." I haven't had a drink in 3 years now. Don't get me wrong, I'm an alcoholic and always will be, and I get tempted every now and then. But I see his face and the absolute certainty in his eyes and I can walk away.

Days and weeks like the last 2 have made it hard though. I'm afraid I'll lose my job because I make so many mistakes now. I couldn't concentrate today or yesterday and was so sleepy I had to go walk in the heat to wake up. I'm going to go take a shower and nap on the couch till my son gets home. Too tired to even be on here again tonight. But I'll try to check back before I go to bed. How have ya'll been?

Hugssssssssssss

Report post

Hi Blue-Jinks
Yesterday afternoon and last night I really lost my temper. I have forgotten how that kind of anger pulls you down. Not that I don't get mad sometimes but I have found it hurts me more than anyone. When I clamed down I hurt everywhere. I know what triggered it was a building up for a few days.

Report post

This discussion is closed to replies. We close all discussions after 90 days.

If there's something you'd like to discuss, click below to start a new discussion.

Things you can do

Support Mental Health America

Help Mental Health America reach its goals and support people like yourself by making a donation today.

Donate to  Mental Health America

Discussion topics

Resources from Mental Health America

Mental Health America 2013 Annual Conference on Wellness

Receive e-mail news from MHA

Community leaders