I need a support system for my forever depression PTSD & ADHD

I had to "pick A topic".

Hello,

I just joined this site. I guess I will start with my ptsd. I never knew what I had until last year when given the diagnosis of ADHD depression PTSD and now possible fibromyalgia. Whew.....where to go what to do??!!! I'm not having an easy time bringing my pain out into the open, but I have kids...so I know I need to if not for anyone else but them!!

I was all of twelve when I experienced my first real traumatic event when I watched helplessly as my mother had her first seizure. I had no idea what was happening to her and thought she was dead. By the time she had come to, I ha already called 911. The medics were helping her onto the gurney. One medic asked her if she knew how old she was and if she had any children. She didn't remember me until later in her hospital room where I remember her saying..."Honey Im sorry I scared you." What really terrified me the most was that she remembered my older brother, but couldn't remember me even if only short term. That same year I watched my father get handcuffed and arrested for indecent exposure at a place well known in the area for homosexual activity to occur. As the police car rode away with my father inside, I was terrified and believed I would never see h again. At sixteen I struggled with my self worth and who I was. I wasn't making good grades and started having sex and drank and smoked pot. That year I found out I was pregnant, my father was arrested yet again for the same thing only this time I was older and wiser. And it was worse, much worse! He lost his teaching position over it and I lost the man I trusted and adored. He abandoned me! He abandoned everything a father was supposed to be, he was a liar a fraud a phony and used his wife and kids as his cover. Oh wait I didn't tell you what occurred after I found out I was pregnant did I? Well the day I did find out, my mother was with me. She took me to a clinic to get checked over for my "flu" symptoms. I was afraid to tell her that I was pregnant. She wasn't too happy about it. She looked me in the eyes in that little room and said "How could you do this?" No words were said in the car on the ride home. She told my father and he wasted no time at all in getting rid of the evidence. His cover was about to be blown wide open and there was only one solution to the problem.....forced abortion. I had the abortion and within three days I was back in school and told not to discuss it any further with anyone, our family's name was at stake, and that was more important. So now back to finding out my dads little secret. The newspaper said it all and revealed the truth that I no longer could deny about my father to me. I knew even though I didn't want to know that he was gay. My mother had another seizure soon after that and my father so upset and devastated that he got caught, his cover blown his job gone(he was asked to quietly retire) that he had to be hospitalized for attempted suicide. My body hadn't even stopped bleeding yet from my forced abortion when all of this was occurring. I was hurting from physical pain, but the worst pain didn't come for many years. I had found ways of coping and stuffing all those painful and deeply devastating memories far back into my mind.

Okay I gave you the shorter more condensed version of that time in my past. Now it's all come bubbling to the surface like an underground volcano that's been waiting to erupt. I just want to have peace and healing from it all! I did seek counseling, and that left me where I'm at today, ready to erupt! Counseling did give me an outlet to talk about my painful past, but I finished all my sessions and all I feel they did was open a can of worms I wish now I hadn't opened!! At least I could find a way to cope with my painful past, now I just feel I was striped naked and left in the dessert with nothing.

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I was having serious relationship problems with my husband and it had resulted in him moving out.Everything got worse,he started going to strip clubs frequently,getting drunk and passing out..Sometimes when we talked on phone,he would threaten me,he was just not himself and our children were suffering for all the drama. I really love him and we had been married for 15yrs which gave us three beautiful daughters..I had also lost a lot of money on therapists and spell-casters..I was in debt and I felt my world crumbling..I was introduced to a spell caster by a friend who he helped with the same thing and I thought it was just a scam all over again but this time it was different..I did all he asked me to and after a few days,he started getting better,he started calling,texting,things just changed between us,emotions,our love.He has a job and has been sober since and am also out of debt..Its a miracle I never believed was possible,I had lost all hope until I found him..He works and if you have the same problem I did,he is the solution:templeofloved@gmail.com...

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If I were you I would look into other places to get therapy. I use to go to a government funded Mental Health facility. But then I found an even better place at a hospital with a Behavioral Mental Health outpatient department. Now I see my psychiatrist there and when my amount of appointments at the funded facility ends I will go to the hospital and get another therapist where they don't count your sessions. No one should be left out in the cold like that. It's inhumane. It's just that there is such a high demand for therapists that there is a long waiting list to see someone (same problem with psychiatrists). So the only solution they came up with was to limit the amount of sessions a person can have. Thankfully, I have a back-up plan and I am always welcome at the Behavioral Mental Health program at St. Margaret Mercy Hospital in Dyer, Indiana. I highly recommend it. But there is always a waiting list. I hope you can look into other places for therapy. Maybe you can google local agencies. Good Luck.

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Are you on medication for PTSD? I would make an appointment with a Psychiatrist and be evaluated. I struggle with PTSD from being raised in an abusive home. I was sexually molested by my dad from the time I was 5 or 6 until I was 19. I also have PTSD from enduring 3 life threatening illnesses. I agree with Cleo. I would suggest that you contact Social Services in your town and explain your situation and ask for a referral from them. I have learned how to overcome the ptsd for the most part. I tell myself over and over again that this is just a memory, it cannot hurt me anymore and try to distract myself by thinking about things that make me happy.....my Psychiatrist placed me on Remeron, Buspar, Klonopin & Celexa & Lexapro. Things got so bad for me that I could not be intimate with my husband without having flashbacks. It takes time to learn these techniques, but it is possible to learn how to cope, I never thought it would happen to me, but it did. Other things that have worked for me include aromatherapy. Vanilla and Lavender candles help anxiety, as does drinking chamomile tea, stay away from caffeine. My Psychiatrist placed me on a high dosage of Magnesium Glutamate, a prescription called Mag-G 500 mg, I take 2 tablets 3x daily. I am also on a high dose of Folic Acid, a prescription called Deplin (a mood stabilizer). Taking Omega-3's helps with my depression. I did a search on shopzilla.com & found drvita.com. They offer liquid Omega-3's (fish oil). I found Nature's Answer to be the best tasting and one of the least expensive fish oils on the market, it does not leave a fishy aftertaste. It cost's about $13.00 for a 16oz bottle. My doctor told me to take 2 Tbsp. daily. It really helps with the depression. Also, make your home as inviting and comfortable for you as possible. I did a google search on colors and mood and found that the color blue helps one relax, where red can invoke comfort and warmth to feelings of anger and hostility. I have blue drapes in my living room and burgundy floral curtains in my bedroom. Clear the clutter, if any, out of your home, listen to your favorite relaxing music. You may want to purchase a sound machine that has sounds of nature, the ocean, raindrops, crickets chirping and birds singing in the background. This can be very theraputic to help calm you down and disrtact you when the flashbacks occur. You are not alone. I know exactly what you are going thru---it's hell-but there is help with meds and learning how to relax, think happy thougthts-things that bring you joy. Snuggle with your dog/cat if you have one, the simple act of petting a dog brings down your blood pressure and calms you down. Please know that I empathize with you, I know what you are going thru and am here for you if you need to talk to someone.

Kay

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