Daughter being verbal abused

I hope someone out there has some answers for me. I have a daughter who has bipolar, personality disorder, anxiety, low self esteem etc. She has finally moved out on her own. For us this is great because she is very difficult to live with. I have concern about who she is living with. He calls himself a friend, but she is totally in love with him and he says he has no feelings for her, yet they sleep in the same bed & he plays with her head. He is always giving her false hope. She does everything for him but yet he continues to hurt her. He verbally abuses her, I have told her to throw him out but she won't. My concern is she told me that he has her to a point that she doesn't even know who she is. I know her heart is broken and as long as he is there he is gonna continue to send her mixed messages. My question is do I allow this to go on until she is ready to toss him, which may be never or do we as parents step in and throw his ass out. Yes she will be hurt for sometime but in the long run she will be better off. I just don't want him to destroy her. She is 23 but has these mental health issues. He is 28 and going no where in life. Someone please tell me how to handle this. Sick....seeing her hurt all the time. Any advise will be helpful.

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I went through something similar. I was with my ex for two years and it was good at first. Then got worse and worse. I was told nd called everything. I was worthless broken damaged goods ect. But i loved my ex at least i thought i did. I was told to break up with her and i wouldnt. She was both verbally and physically abusive to me. Finally got out of the relationship not on such good terms but i did wind up finding someone who treats me good and does care for me. If she wont end it then she wont end it anytime soon. I mean she sounds like me stubborn and looking for love in the wrong places. I was glad that i haf my friends and family there for me. That may be all you can do for the time being is be there for her. Let her sort it for herself and make mistakes. Thats what i needed. She may also know ahes hard to deal and live with so her being with him may seem okay to her cuz he puts up with her. I hope that makes sense. Like maybe she feels hes the only one that will ever love her. Just be there for her let her figure it out and just dont allow her to go too far. I really hope that makes sense. Good luck.

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You can not do for her what she will not do for herself. She will stay until something in her changes. Be careful that she does not pull you into treating her as she is used to being treated by him. Not that she will purposely pull you into treating her as she is being verbally abused by him but that will be all she is accustomed to and she will unconsciously recreate the environment because she has found some comfort zone. One of the best things you can do is not come against her. Be supportive. Do what you can to get her to be creative. Support her in the positive things she has going on in her life. By her becoming creative and doing the things she likes to do, the more she accomplishes the more confidence she will become accustom. Build her up, not tear her down. But fully understand that the more she is built up, the more the verbal abuser will increase. It is her choice and decision to be where she wants to be and to do what she wants to do. You come against the verbal abuser and she will come against you. She will protect what is in her comfort zone and what she is accustom.

I speak from personal experience. I have been where she is and it took me a very long time to come to the other side. Now I watch someone extremely close to me going through what I went through, what your friend is going through. I think how stupid can you get, then I realize I was once there also.

I apologize I am not of any more help.

Remember to take care of yourself because your friend will have no one to lean upon if you do not take care of yourself.

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>My question is do I allow this to go on until she is ready to toss him, which may be never or do we as parents step in and throw his ass out. < How can you "allow" anything to go on which you have no control over? I know you want to help, but unless she is ready to change and until she wants to ask for help, you have to step back) My mom dealt with my sister like this when she was going thru an abusive marriage. She didn't want any help unless she asked for it. We did and eventually ... after years ... somehow things worked out for her.

>Yes she will be hurt for sometime but in the long run she will be better off. I just don't want him to destroy her.<
For now she seems willing to take the hurt. You have to be there for her emotionally but that is all. Yes I understand what it is like to live with someone who is mentally ill, but let her live her life.

>She is 23 but has these mental health issues. He is 28 and going no where in life. Someone please tell me how to handle this. Sick....seeing her hurt all the time.<

If you like you could explain things to him, even though you don't like him. But really all you can do for now, is listen and be there when she needs your help.

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