Adult Daughter with Depression

My 30 year old daughter is overweight and severely depressed. She has been this way since she was a teenager. Depression runs in our family.
Never been on a date! It’s Valentine’s Day and I’m taking her to lunch. She has a good job with a large corporation that has tremendous benefits.
We (our extended family) went to a 50th Wedding Anniversary weekend two weeks ago. She came home quiet and sullen. Things have gone downhill from there. She has twice left work sobbing. Her psychologist suggested she take time off from work until he can get her meds adjusted.
I don’t know what to do. She will not participate in any volunteer groups, attend church or initiate contact with anyone. She is angry. Of course, being 30 her mother and I aren’t able to learn what is going on with her psychologist. We are worried and scared for her.
Anyone have any ideas?

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My name is Ashley. Im almost 26 years old and struggle with PTSD ( post traumatic stress disorder) and depression. It is very hard to want to get out and do things because she may not feel inspired to want to. She may be given crap at work about her weight and that can cause huge self image problems for her. I think in my opinion making her feel like she is beautiful and is important to you as parents can pay off. Tell her how proud you are of her. Never let praise not be the 1st thing that comes to mibd where it comes to depression. I have a light in my darkness and thats my beautiful daughter. I also have a therapy cat who helps tremendously. I know having people she can relate to can also help. I have weight issues myself. I fight anorexia on a daily basis due to the fact my metabolism is so high. I lost my birth weight in 1 day. I hope some of this helps you. If you need anything feel free to ask!

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This is an easy one dad. Tell you are proud of her as a daughter but more importantly you are proud of her as a person and the person she has become. You love her but you like her as well, you love her intelligence, her wit, her strength, her wisdom and the way she lets you know that she loves you examples but you get the idea. I don't know about you but I would look her in the eye, tell her sincerely whatever you need to say and envelope her her in a heartfelt giant and warm hug

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Thank you for your responses. It is so hard to watch and not be able to "fix it." My daughter moved out of our house into a nice apartment on January 1. The apartment does not permit pets. When she was here she had three dogs and three cats. Now we have the pets and she has none. She is alone. Family members and people at work convinced her that it was time to be on her own. They had no real understanding of her depression.

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I know you want to fix it but depression is a cronic problem and her brain is not sending the right connections to put it in lamens terms. Having depression you experience things so much differently then "normal" people. We can experience things 10xs stronger or no experience at all. Roller coaster of emotions are always a struggle. Finding things to keep the mind preoccupied can also help. I think talk to her about getting a pet. I know mine is just a blessing.
Again you need anything please ask and your more than welcome to message me.

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Would your daughter be a candidate for weight loss surgery? I'm not suggesting that will fix all her problems. However, it might be a step in getting her to feel better about herself. It is so hard to diet while you are depressed. Eating and sleeping patterns are off. Being overweight can cause a lot of symptoms that can lead to depression. Does she have sleep apnea? Many overweight people do and it can contribute to depression. Does she have polycystic ovarian syndrome? Again, many overweight women do. If she has a lot of things going on with her health, she probably needs a doctor that will treat mind and body and not just a single organ system at a time.
I know many men have the "fix it" mentality especially when it comes to their loved ones. It must be so frustrating for you. You sound very loving and caring. You have to realize that "fixing" this must come from within her. Antidepressants are tools that may help her. She needs to take them exactly as prescribed. People that are depressed don't always take their medication faithfully. They also want it to work instantly and when it doesn't, they lose interest in taking it. Sometimes they will say yes, I'm taking my medication but it may be a half truth. Is she taking it faithfully everyday and about the same time everyday? Sometimes it takes a few weeks to begin to feel the medication taking effect. Along the way there may be side effects that will go away in time. These should be discussed with her doctor. I wish her and your family the best. Please keep us posted as to how she is doing.

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Thank you. I just met her for lunch. She is some better today. Just one day at a time. thanks

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What a special dad you are to write in for advice, you must love her deeply.

I always wanted my dad to tell me how much he loved me. He never did. He showed me in other ways. But how I longed for him to tell me how much I meant to him. I had a sneaky feeling, he did a lot out of familial obligation. He was a man of few words. Anyhow he is dead now. Still I with that he could have just let me know. I'll always wonder what he really felt. Until your daughter finds the right man in her life, you are the only man who can help her to believe in herself.

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