22 yr old daughter diagnosed bipolar

My daughter was depressed, had thoughts of suicide took her to ER.
Three day admit - diagnosis depression on meds. Good for three weeks.
Went back to college and unravelled over 3 days. She went to no classes. Called from a friends for her seroquil sounding manic. Her friends were feeding her vegan pancakes, watching net flex and called to cancel her therapy session. She was manic, racing thoughts screaming at me she would have be ok if she slept and stayed with her friends.
I went to friends, brought her to psych, sent to ER to psych hospital.
They now diagnose bipolar.
I had asked my husband for a separation just before this.
He has been verbally and emotionally abusive to me for the last 10 yrs, I believe he is depressed. I work, cook, clean, yard,maintain house.
He is retired and watches tv.
My daughter will not come home if he is here. He recently called her a slut.
While I was having knee surgery he threw her out of house.
She also thinks he was sexually inappropriate. ? Mania.
He does not want to leave. Says she is trying to control us.
We are moving to a condo Nov 1. After that he can have the house.
Advice please.

Stuck in the middle

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Hi Majuni,

I am so sorry to hear of your daughters illness. My son has the same bipolar mixed & character disorders it's very tough. Every day is one more trama after another. You too can may want to seek help for all this stress is unbearable. I know their is a way for peace we each find it in different ways. Books or counseling for support.

I will pray for you and your family, to ask God to relieve you of these many burdens and encourage you to ask for help,for the
Lord Father to give you strength to follow a path to the answers He gives to you. There is a resolution and God will help you find the way. As He walks beside you , behind you , in front of you, guiding you every day.
My heart is with you as are my prayers every day .
(( hugs ))
Chotti

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Fortunately you'd already decided on a divorce before this happened so you're not actually stuck in the middle... Your loyalties clearly lie with your daughter. Of course you must be feeling under a lot of pressure at this time, major illness in the family, divorce and moving house are 3 of the most stressful life events you can have. If you can, try not to worry about what she thinks of him or he thinks of her. They are allowed to have their opinions and you are not responsible for them. Since in 6 weeks they will not have to live together you don't have to worry about how much their relationship deteriorates.

The only possibly serious problem is that she refuses to come home whilst he is there. Since you can't force him to leave I'm afraid you might just have to point out to her that if she doesn't choose to come home then she'll have to find herself somewhere else to stay for 6 weeks. At 22 she's an adult and you are not responsible for her decisions. If she's going to be able to act like an adult then you need to make her take responsibility for the consequences of her choices. If her choice is to refuse to come home then she has to deal with the consequences of that.

I hope these suggestions don't sound too harsh. I made them because you asked for advice and as someone with bipolar I know it's been important for me that people around me made me responsible for my choices. It kept me functioning as an adult even when at times my illness left me feeling incapable of doing that. If people had tried to accommodate me all the time it would have taught me to be manipulative and my life now would be the worse for it. You can love her and allow her to make her own decisions but that doesn't make you responsible for ensuring she gets her preferred outcome.

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Thank you for your support and prayers. I have a dear friend who is a psychologist who I talk to. I also meditate.

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My husband left at 11am and my daughter came home at 3pm.
My husband was a slob and always had the tv blasting.
When my daughter walked into the house it was clean and quiet. She was soooo happy.
She unpacked and we sat and talked.
Hope she can sleep tonight.
I know she is an adult. I will always look out for her. I know I must step back.
She will be in an after care program starting Monday. She asked me questions and I told her to ask her therapist.
The med change is working well.
Thank you for your support.

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Hello Majuni,

So glad the med change is working out. This is so hard on the whole family. Find time for yourself every day to recharge UR batteries.

image begger  dogs

We're always thinkin of ya. We too have a family member who is bipolar.

(( hugs))
Chotti

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Going thru it with my 22 son too. My only saving grace is my husband is obedient, works, cooks, clean keeps health insurance thru his job for me and the kids. We actually divorced after 26 years of marriage, because of the same issues your having trying to do it all while he sits around watching t.v, so I just got sick of it and divorced his ass before he could blink! Took my kids and left him alone. Then I got sick ovarian cancer, I needed health insurance so I made him remarry me and he did. While I was in the hospital he stayed with the kids and has not left since I guess I'm okay with I was really weak with the chemo so he took over all the chores and such, its been almost 4 years and he is still here cooking and cleaning even though I am well now he is still here I think he realized he needed us as much as we needed him. I still let him know I'm in charge and what i say goes basically if you don't like it there is the door. It just does not work to be nice it took me a long time to figure that one out. Anyway back to my son I had him seeing a psychiatrist and trying different meds (none worked) for almost 2 years NO Help...I found an outpatient program right under my nose my son can walk there 5 days a week 9-3 where he gets anger management, therapy, meds, lunch breakfast, learning how to meditate, art work, health fitness, psychiatry, it just has been a blessing and he is responding slowly but it is maybe 2 x a week of severe problems vs 20 times a week. I also let him stop his part time work and part time school taking the pressure off of him
Its really hard to go thru but keep your daughter first and foremost she is the one who needs you. Your husband is a grown man who does not appreciate his family, so take it away then maybe he will learn. You have the power...

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Thank you for our pragmatic response. I am about to stop the enabling behavior that is letting my son manipulate me. Its hard to play the hard one but you are right. You have to learn to make decisions and be accountable for your decisions.

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