mom is terminal

when you are taking crae of a terminal cancer patient that you love with all your heart. How do you live day by day. all i think is about i cant believe my moms going to die what am i going to do without her. i am 39 years old and still have so much to learn from her. any ideas

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I feel for you so much cause i am going through the same thing. Its so hard to watch your best friend and mother deterioate in front of you. I tend to go to the sites that help on how to deal with this, but I think there is nothing that can make you feel better. I just dont like the idea of her suffering. We will be ok its just the journey to get there. I hope and pray that you have support. I have a wonderful husband who understands and is letting me go through this how ever I have to. Wishing you all the best, we have to be strong, as hard as it is. God bless

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I know its hard and you will have your moments of crying and screaming and that is ok. Cry with her if she wants you to. My dad had dementia and it was tough as the last time I saw him not unconscious he was in his bedroom and when I opened the door he scurried into a corner like a scared animal. It broke my heart. But i had to help him, change him, feed him,etc so I had just had to make believe I was someone else and not his daughter. Yes, my caring and loving was there but I try to be or act like was a nurse taking care of him in a hospital. He was my patient but not my dad. That was the only way I could not breakdown.

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Please remember that although there are many things that you cannot control about this disease, there are also many things that you CAN control. You did not cause your mom's lung cancer, nor can you cure it. You can, however, be her advocate and see that her wishes are respected. You can research treatment options and/or palliative care so that she is comfortable and not in pain. You can offer her encouragement, hope, and above all your unconditional and abiding love, which you have already done. You are a wonderful daughter, and it sounds like you have already learned much from your dear mother. I'm sure she knows just how fortunate she is. Hugs to you both.

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I am sorry about ur Mom. I remember when they told us my mom only had 4 wks. to live and how I felt like it was a bad dream she died with luikemia she had 2 types not just 1. Although it was hard for all of us our mom helped us. She was not sad about dying she was tired and ready to go. I would not give anything for the time at the end. We had the opportunity to say good-bye and let her know she was loved so much. I know it is hard been there but use this time well and make loving memories with her. Spend as much time with her as u can. praying for ur family God Bless

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I am going through the same thing.. it is very very hard. the pain is eating me from the inside like acid. I cherish every hour with her - I do not know which one will be the last. I spend about 12 hours with her in the hospital every day in the past 7 weeks (I took a leave of absence from my 2 jobs). I do not know either how to let her go, but when I see her broken body I know she is beyond help (she has mets to her pelvis which fractured and recently her esophagus got perforated and invaded by the lung cancer). I wish she was leaving in peace and without pain. I wish you strength and peace!

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Remember that ALL of us have heard those same words - "you are terminal". And we are all still here. They are just words and don't mean squat.

Just be there for you Mom and do what you can do to make her comfortable and help her have the strength to fight this evil beast.

Because you never really lose until you give up!

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the Big Guy upstairs has an idea of what your mom is now meant to teach you - the value of a moment. you have the unbelievable privilege of getting just to be with your mom right now - many of us would give anything we own to have another moment with our daddies, mommies, brothers, sisters, or friends - wow, that kind of launches the moment into the "priceless" category, doesn't it? if you are focusing on a moment 10 years from now, you will not be able to focus on the "now" moment. so, I'd like you to take a few moments with your mom and just focus on being grateful for the moments. you are so very lucky.
many hugs
Pat

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I am replying to your most recent post.....i am 40 and agree..........not only do i have so much to learn from "pop" but our children have a ton to learn from him. This really isnt fair!

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As members of humanity, we are all "terminal" -- none of us will get out of this alive. I am considered "terminal" because of my dx of Small Cell - however, like has been said before, I have no expiration date stamped on the bottom of my foot -- I am two years into this and plan to live my life as peacefully and happily as I can.

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Ask God to help you be strong to get you through this and he will help you--he helped me when I was going through the same this past February with my husband.

This stinks, I know, but there is nothing you can do but be there for/with them.

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I think half the battle is to not look ahead too far, and ask the unanswerable questions. No-one knows how long your mum is going to be with you; but don't focus on her dying, focus on her being alive today. Focus on the time you are able to spend with her now, and not what it will be like when she does die.
One day at a time applies so well here. Face and deal with each stage as it happens. You will find the strength needed at the right time.
You are in my thoughts,
with love and best wishes, Carolyn

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Hi. I don't know that anyone can tell you how. I took care of my mom for a year. There were days when I just cried when I woke up because I didn't think I could do it one more day. There were certainly days when I didn't wanna do it anymore. I just told myself that if mom could wake up and live everyday...then I could wake up and help her. Its sad and its scary and its hard. Have faith in yourself and try to hold on to the peace you will feel knowing you did what you could. I posted an entry called "No Regrets"....maybe it will help. Hugs to you ((((((you))))))) and your mom (((((((mom))))))).....!!

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i am 36 and going through this with my dad and i dont know how i do it everyday my heart is so broken i dont care what anyony says about take each day and live for that day , f that crap this cancer never leaves my mind i eat sleep and breath cancer 24/7 when im not takin care of my dad daily and i come home from his house and tryin to take care of my three kids im either crying or researching on the computer all night its crazy i am not complaining but what is happening will never be out of my mind and i hate it and wish my life wasnt like this even when you are trying to make the best out of things your still sad i have had to deal with things in my life but this all has hit me like a ton of bricks cause right before my dad was diagnosed last oct my mom was just finishing up radiation and chemo cause she was diagnosed with breast cancer wtf this is nuts is all i have to say but i pray everyday and all i want is a few more yrs please god. take care and sorry for complaining but its the hardest thing to go through

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thank you to everybody for your kind words and encourgement. but my heart is so sad i just do nothing but sit and stare at my walls. I truly dont know it i can make it without my mom. i agree with gjurashaj. this is so horrible. i pray to god to please help me but he doesnt seem to be listening

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