To Hell... The Latest... 11.06.09

Hello Fellow Survivors and Supporters,
-Right now I am at the Hope Lodge in NYC recovering from a VATS that turned into a thoracotomy followed 6 days later by the implantation of chemotherapy port.
-Dean and I finally decided upon treatment in NYC utilizing an oncologist who employs the chemo-sensitivity assay, both of which are considered "out of network" by my HMO. This of course is a nightmare, but part of that has been alleviated by angels masquerading as friends for all of these years donating money to the cause of keeping me alive.
-One thing this disease does is sifts out who can really be there for you, during such a time of absolute hell.
-The surgery was initially suppose to be one day for 2 hour VATS and one day recovery in ICU.
-Ultimately turned out to be 5 hour thoracotomy followed by 3+days ICU and 4 days hospitalization.
-Honestly I never thought I could live to tell about being thrown into the doors of hell and coming out on the other side. I am of course, trying to "process" it all, but quite frankly don't think that's ever going to happen. Having said that though, it is my thought that doing surgery 1st is the right thing to do for someone my age. The theory is that my body could take a beating (surgery) before I start chemo-radiation.
-I hope and pray to the spirit of the universe that this turns out to be true.
-Anyway, this is the first chance I have had to be able to post on the inspire site, the hospital didn't allow full access to the internet.

How have other people recovered from thoracotomies?
The major incision is pretty big. I can't bring myself to look at it yet.
All my best to survivors and their loved ones holding in down as they say!
Seraphina