As reference: my lung cancer surgery was eight months ago; the right upper most lobe was removed. My lung surgery situation sounds familiar to some of our cancer population: from diagnosis to surgery, mine took place in just ten days.
There was no time to digest not only my upcoming surgical path and its certain life change, including my need for a lengthy convalescence post surgically, nor was there time for my need for 'WHAT-TO- DO' -- that normal-for-me sense of UNDERSTANDING: not just of my surgical process, prognosis and treatments but also my need to do my own research for a PERSONAL sense of placement within this [recovering] population.
No time. No understanding. No overview. No logic. Not even time ... really ... for 'feeling.' All would come ... later =
I believe more patients than not, especially in this day and age with total information access are much much more informed than most doctors and our medical teams give credit. Personally, I have demanded my medical team do not underestimate me! There has come with that 'demand' a certain respect but more an individual sense of a real partnership.
I am still in intense 'non-subjective' pain. Non-subjective because it is true I was grieviously wounded when they cut me open those eight months ago. My chest pain, from spine around to sternum, including the scapula is constant. That said, of course it is not the same pain as day-of or every weeks-after my surgery. Not unlike others, ribs were broken, nerve bundles were cut. There is no contest in my mind that whatever I am experiencing was not my reality prior to this surgery. This awareness of a healthy and proactive life allows me to communicate individual experience and share what I perceive. No joke, a self-help affection toward myself reveals a healthy ego which is not willing to give up hope and possibility.
Being supported by, first, my own rational-based thinking and second, consequently demanding my medical trust/believe in me --earned by my evident and daily self-care efforts -- I am a VERY proactive patient. I believe and practice, after all is said and done, ONLY I can perceive and create my own sense of wellness regardless of the cause of my dis-ease. That said, anyone with half a brain and of a certain age knows that there is a real and logical difference between normal aches and pains that attend any human being living a life and a debilitating, intractable pain which was non-existent prior to surgical intervention.
First, NO ONE who has not gone through this most traumatic of surgeries cannot even begin to imagine just how much pain there is not just immediately after initial surgery, but how much lingering pain remains while healing, regardless of how long this may take individually to recover. And, while of course 'everyone is different' the sense and need for emotional intelligence and comfort by not only oneself but by those surrounding [the patient] is absolutely imperative.
While a 'speedy recovery' is certainly wished for, this is just not at all a reasonable reality-based wish nor is it a sensible manageable-task in real time for the meaningful convalescent period. It takes enormous time -- required by injured tissue, organs, broken ribs, attaching bones (spine and sternum), muscles and nerve bundles and pathways -- to heal and recover. It also takes a LONG time for the remaining lobes to 'grow into' the cavity created by the removal of ones cancerous lobe(s).
We are creatures with active senses. We can use each of our senses to facilitate wellness. Visually, 'seeing' your rib structures may be visually, emotionally and intellectually helpful for you. While we are no doctors, attempting to visualize in any way possible ASSISTS US personally on our path to healing. Since [our] ribs are broken to get access to the lung, you might discover these are made of their own special material, see: -
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_rib_cage
Ribs heal differently than other 'broken' bones: there is not as much blood supply to ribs, they take a very very long time to heal. Hence, injury and/or surgery to this site has long convalescence. (Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!)
Whatever symptoms you are experiencing can and should be viewed as 'just' INFORMATION. Regardless of that 'information' no one but no one is assisted by any unproductive opinion whether from ones medical team or family. By the way, even an 'expert' opinion is ... well ... subjective. True, educated ... but subjective nonetheless.
More, we live in a society with literally FAST everything: food, internet, jets ... I strongly suggest that for whatever convalescence is needed and present, your experience is REAL and for each individual their is no 'speedy recovery' from lung cancer. With that understanding, time and its use becomes a help-mate not an enemy.
Time as a assistant is s l o w e d down when when allows it. Much good can be had from this personal moment-to-moment slowing. Perhaps a slower walk, a deeper sleep, more awareness of food and beverage, a sense of ones determined and conscious breath.
I've even noticed that its easier to feel and think about what DOESN'T hurt when I slow everything ... all of it ... my experience ... down. ("HEY, honey?!!! My left toe feels great!" HA-HA! "OH YEAH ... I mean my eyelashes are JUST FINE, thank-you-very-much!" Tee-Hee!)
To those that have spouses and/or other family members weighing down and 'judging' their process and progress with less than attending patience and kindness, I caution that a cancer -- and its subsequent removal surgery -- only exposed what already existed: an existing problem. Don't be fooled, illness and surgery DID NOT cause 'trouble' that wasn't there to begin with. At the very least, prior to disease, disharmony was going unnoticed.
Whether one likes it or not, during convalescence extraordinary courage and strength is needed to be practiced, demonstrated by all parties. Certainly, we surviving cancer patients have daily challenges. In these Life situations the real character of each individual arises, whether that is beautiful or ugly. Rarely if ever is good character suddenly discovered.
While during recovery may not be the time 'to work on' ones relationship, it is far better to find a safe harbor elsewhere. And this may mean -- for now -- being a proactive part of any and all support groups ... both of you ... the whole family, indeed 'has' the illness.
Yes, many meaningful Life Lessons are really difficult. But for those who can find and reach any modicum of moment-to-moment gratitude for living through it, these become real-time living legends. As ordinary people we ARE capable of demonstrating extraordinary things!
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