TRUE HONESTY AND FEELINGS ABOUT SMOKING

Hi Friends.
This is really such difficult thing to bring up now or at
any time really..The topic is smoking..I Beleive that at on point the majority of us smoked.I know I am one of them...
I have not had a cigarette since Sept of 06..I had a
heart attack and a stent put in..Haven't smoked since.
Wish I had the darn heart attack when I was 25!!! ha
Now my wife is reason for my next thoughts..My wife
is going through more than I beleive I am with my Terminal Lung Cancer(Ext.Stage Small Cell).She pretty much did her best..Really did try ,but now is not the time..You Know what I'm saying..
OK as of now a survivor of this dreaded disease of
lung cancer... what is my opinon??...
Well I have sat back and read a few journals or entry's from fellow lung cancer Allaince Survivors and friends that have spoke out about smokers(Present)
I beleive you can toss a Hell of alot in the EX Smokers .That I am Certain! ..
OK to be quick and I welcome honesty in any return comments...
I personally am done and always willbe done with
smoking..Too late too close the gate ,the horses have left mind you,but I'm done..
My wife still puffs..far less but still smokes...we love each other like crazy..I don't want her to smoke..Our boys are 19 and 21 ..nor do the boys..When I pass the boys will get her off them..
But as of Now I am so wrong in saying this and I don't bring it up or tell people (I don't hide thing either) BUT I DON"T GIVE A DARN!!!!Realy she still does doesnt care wants to go with me..She's wrong
but i'mnot saying a word..It will be done at the correct time..I've told her..But I understand her and I'm not saying a darn word to her about it..My boys will after,She knows it..
Agree or Disagree
Dan

By girlwithnolife
Posted November 13, 2009 at 10:19 am
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I agree. As a former heavy smoker the more some 1 bugged me to quit the more I smoked. My mom still smokes and I rarely say anything because they really have to be ready for themselves. And if you look at the stats, not that smoking is good for you, not as many smokers get LC as you would think it should be. Steph

By nancydoodle
Posted November 13, 2009 at 10:32 am
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my 90 year old godmother started smoking when her husband DIED-had quit for 20 years when she retired from her high powered job. she coughs all the time, looks awful, people avoid her because of her smell. i know what you are saying but i think that no matter what is happening you smoke because you are addicted and you need help to get off. you can use stress/death of spouse-any reason for doing it.

By AngelBoBaby
Posted November 13, 2009 at 10:44 am
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Dan - It is not up to you to get your wife to quit, it is up to her and when she is ready, she will quit. Life it too short to sweat the things that really shouldn't matter... Enjoy your time together in love and laughter instead of stressing and fighting over smoking. You have a wonderful attitude.

By 8wall
Posted November 13, 2009 at 11:55 am
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Well so far so good..Nobody wants to shoot me...I thought because of our conditions there would be the odd Nay Sayers,,But not so!..Bravo..
Rite now we All see more darn important things...Not the time to stress this out uh!..I aggree..I'm sure we'll get those that strictly oppose..And don't get me wrong..I am one of them..But Rite now if what we are going through and what the out is..well enough said..I'm sure it will be done.
dan

By debra1
Posted November 13, 2009 at 11:57 am
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I think you are right and you can not make her stop, only she can decide to do it. When I quit, I could not stand to be around the stale smoke smell. That would be hard to live with it and not use lots of air freshner. LOL

By mawoni
Posted November 13, 2009 at 12:54 pm
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Hey, Dan ... You are right on, in my book. Nagging or belittleing a smoker is NOT the way to get them to quit. It's pretty much every man for himself when it comes to quitting smoking. Your wife will benefit much more from your unconditional love. You KNOW she will quit when it's her time to do so. Just love her and say a little prayer for her release from that addiction soon. Try not to worry about her with regard to it. It doesn't help you (or her) one bit.
Cheers and God Bless .... Deb

By brooklynda
Posted November 13, 2009 at 2:52 pm
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Dear Dan:

I was a smoker 27 years ago and if I was under any kind of stress (and your wife certainly is!) I would smoke more! I stopped when I was ready to stop, no matter how much anyone implored me to do so.

I think it's great that you are understanding about this and not going to let it spoil your time together.

Blessings!
Brooklynda

By AliceL
Posted November 13, 2009 at 5:24 pm
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Not much I can add -- I agree with all of you. Everyone I know who quit because someone nagged them into, didn't stay quit very long. Each individual has to get to that point all by themselves. Dan, if I were in your wife's shoes right now, I don't think that I'd be able to quit either. I'd want to, probably feel really guilty about it, but just too much stress and would have to deal with the smoking issue later.

By fulham
Posted November 13, 2009 at 5:38 pm
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I can totally emphasise with your wife. I am caregiver to my mum, ltd SCLC and I know it would break her heart to know that I am still smoking but I just can't give up at the moment. My mum gave up 12 years ago and still got this awful disease, my belief is that there is no rhyme or reason to why some people get this disease, it's just life. In the same way I believe that your life is mapped out from the time you come into the world to the time you exit and nothing you do will alter this. In light, I will try to give up sometime within the next couple of months once I have come to terms with mum's diagnosis and when i feel a bit stronger. At the moment I work, go to see mum, pick kids up, come home, break my heart and light a ciggie. Not even sure it helps but it feels like it helps to calm me. I am always careful to go outside and not smoke near my non smoking family whatever the weather. Your wife, like me will give up when she has the strength and courage to deal with everything that is going on.

By dsh65
Posted November 13, 2009 at 6:02 pm
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Dan...I emphasize with what you are going through. My husband and I were both smokers...quit over 30 years ago and believed it when we were told that once you were quit for 10 years, it was like you had never smoked. Well...in August my husband was diagnosed with Stage IV NSCLC. As you know, we are now in the fight of our lives. To get back to the subject, my sister had a portion of her lung removed about 6 years ago...lung cancer...but she dodged the bullet. And now, guess what, she is once again smoking as much as ever! I just lost it! She is my only sister and only remaining family from my side. When my husband was diagnosed I sat her down and begged her to stop. As emotional and upset as she was about my husband, she told me that smoking was her stress relief, that she truly enjoyed it, and that she knows she should quit but just doesn't want to. As sad as this makes me, you can't force anyone to stop...they have to want to and do it on their terms. I have realized that I just have to accept this even though it breaks my heart. She also refuses to go to doctors because as she said, if it comes back, I don't want to know. I'm going to live my life and when it's my time, it's my time. I lost my argument, I pray that you don't lose yours.

Donna

Donna

By 8wall
Posted November 13, 2009 at 7:06 pm
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wow..That's kind of the type of response.I thought I would get..This has really got to tick you off... She'll sooner or later get it..Hopefully..Perhaps she will never quit !We just don't know..Keep trying and goog luck dan

By hopefuldaughter
Posted November 13, 2009 at 7:57 pm
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I'm sorry, I just had to comment about Alice's picture, I think I thought it was the same thing you did until I looked really close. I like to think it's a bit of a double entendre aimed at lung cancer...LOL.

On the original topic, I agree with all the other posters. I wish you both good luck and health.

By cuddles53
Posted November 13, 2009 at 8:31 pm
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I think we all quit in our own time, if we want to we will. I think it is not worth the aggravation to bother someone about smoking, I quit because I had lung cancer, I would probably still be smoking if I could. I loved it, It was my best friend for years. But the time came, and I knew it. I asked god to help me, and didn't have a bit of trouble quitting. I will not judge nor do I judge someone who smokes. I think it is a hard habit to break, and there has to be a real motivator for people to quit, just seeing someone else sick with cancer does not always work. I worked in a hospital, and we could smoke at one time in the bathrooms. I remember listening to a man drown in his own secretions while the medical team suctioned him out. All the while I was in the bathroom sucking on my menthol cigarette! It didn't phase me! If anything would get someone to quit smoking you would think it would be something like that. but it didn't make me want to quit. I just went about my own business, and went on smoking. If it is the right time and under the right conditions, a person will quit them.
My grand daughter is 19 and smokes, she sees me with lung cancer, she saw my husband die with lung cancer, her friends who all smoke are more of a factor in her behavior than even sickness and death are. Who knows how we can motoivate someone to stop this habit, I don't know myself.
God bless.
In good time she may quit.
Sandy

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