My dad was diagnosed with stage IV non-small cell lung cancer in Oct 2008... He has bone mets in spine, legs, arms, ribs... his spine has bone fractures and is very deformed.
Hospice was brought in - in the middle of September and is seems like my dad is going down hill very fast. He can no longer walk and is very confused, runs fevers everyday, and today became so weak he could not longer get to the commode to go to the bathroom.
I am trying to hang on and be supportive, but it is very painful to watch how much he is suffering. My mom is his primary care giver, and she had a heart attack at beginning of Sept.. we are all trying to help as much as we can. But my sisters and I have young kids and full time jobs.
I wish I knew how much longer he was going to continue to suffer.
Does anyone have any experience with how long and how much worse this gets before the end comes?
I do not want my dad to die, but seeing this very proud, strong man go through this is heart breaking. He has lost all dignity and modesty.
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Think we are close to end with dad
- By hopefulchick
- Posted October 24, 2009 at 9:25 pm · 13 replies
- In Family members and caregivers
- Shared with the public
- Edited October 24, 2009 at 9:25 pm
Explore topics in this discussion:
Cancer Pain Lupus Heart attack Fractures Lung cancer Morphine
13 replies
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- By Beenthere
- Posted October 24, 2009 at 9:33 pm
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My prayers are with you and all of your family. No one can say for sure how long or how much time someone has left. Every case is different, every person is different and it is not in your hands. God wants you to be strong until the end. If you do that especially for your Mother who is also now sick, he will make you a stronger person in the end. Have faith. When Dad's time is up it will be up.
- By pattyp1
- Posted October 24, 2009 at 9:57 pm
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I know you are hurting right now - and I am so very sorry - but I need to remind you of something - there will be a day in the future when you will look back with a single thought - "I would give anything for just one more minute with my daddy" - so make the most out of each moment, knowing it is precious - and that your daddy is so very precious. The absolute best thing you can do is to live in each moment with gratitude that he is still with you. and it will be the hardest, most rewarding thing you can do. I know this from first-hand experience.
many hugs and lots of best wishes
Pat
- By misself
- Posted October 24, 2009 at 11:55 pm
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Get out the family albums and show dad some favorite moments with him.Sometimes a picture can help with confusion.My dad called me Marcia my sister in rehab years ago.They told us not to worry,it meant he knew you were family.Prayers for all,AndiB
- By kq182
- Posted October 25, 2009 at 12:42 am
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I recently lost my husband, and they way you are describing your father I would think it should not be too much longer that he will be suffering. I prayed to God for him to take my husband, and he will answer your prayers, Karen
- By amethyst
- Posted October 25, 2009 at 2:37 am
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I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I know how difficult it is as I lost my mother to the disease in April of this year.
From your description, I think your dad may be close to the end. My mom had a commode by her bed and one day she just couldn't get up to use it. It is truly heart wrenching to watch someone decline like this. When she got to that point, we knew it was time to bring her to a hospice house. She was so weak we had to call an ambulance to transport her. The hospice was great though, especially since it was 24-7 care. She never got out of bed again. The nurses inserted a catheter and put a morphine butterfly on her arm. I was thankful that she was not in pain and they had made her as comfortable as possible. Once she was admitted, she was only there a day before she died.
It is so scary and sad to see a loved one go through this but you will get through it.
Take care.
- By cad1223
- Posted October 25, 2009 at 7:18 am
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I am so sorry for you and your family for having to go through this. I was in your shoes, watching a perfectly healthy, strong man wither away to nothing in less than a year. My dad was dx with extensive SCLC in May of 2007 and passed away in May of 2008, having lost over 125 lbs, not being able to walk without assistance, as you said, losing all dignity. It is the most awful feeling in the world to sit by helplessly and watch the decline. But you will get through it. My dad contracted a staph infection in the beginning of May 2008 and he could not recover from that. He was put into hospice on Friday, May 16th and passed away Tuesday, May 20th. The docs thought he would last a few weeks, but he only lasted four days. No one knows but "the guy upstairs" as to when the end will come.
Will keep you and your family in my prayers...
Cheryl
- By cards7up
- Posted October 25, 2009 at 7:35 am
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You say you now have Hospice, I hope they are keeping him pain free. I think you already know the answer you are seeking, his time is near. Make him as comfortable as possible and support and love him all you can. Remember he is still the same person he always was, what you are seeing is the disease not the person. Take comfort that soon he will no longer be suffering. Take care, JC
- By linbur
- Posted October 25, 2009 at 9:04 am
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If you have hospice, they should be able to answer your question. They also should keep him free from pain. Our hospice nurse told us when she thought there were only a couple of days left.
- By wyvonne
- Posted October 26, 2009 at 1:22 am
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Oh this disease is so horrible, but I just want to echo what has already been said, spend as much time as you can with your dad, you will never regret it. Hold , love him and let him know you love him. We hurt watching, but they hurt even more, it's not about us at this point.
- By madwife
- Posted October 26, 2009 at 6:31 am
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Sorry for what you are going through. You should tell, not ask, Hospice for more pain medication. I regret not giving my mother more meds. We were on an all night watch and I fell asleep (I have lupus and tire easily). My sisters didn't use the second bottle I had had Hospice send. Don't worry about his being "lucid" or "saying goodbye" because they are beyond that. Just give lots of pain meds. Read everything Hospice gives you. Take care of your mother. Talk about what is happening. Don't try to "protect" her; she needs to talk,
- By HopeForACure
- Posted October 26, 2009 at 10:53 am
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Sorry you are going through this. Your dad is in my prayers. In the final stages of my wifes disease, the Drs told me she had about a month remaining. She passed away within a week. Please don't wait thinking you have time. This disease is swift in the end and your mom will need all the help she can get. Hospice can be a great resource as well. Take care and God Bless.
- By hopefulchick
- Posted October 26, 2009 at 11:06 am
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Thanks for everyone's prayers and advice. Greatly appreciated. I am sitting right now with my dad. He is very confused and weak. We will just continue to do what we can and pray the suffering ends soon.
Regards,
Susan
- By hopefulchick
- Posted October 26, 2009 at 11:06 am
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Thanks for everyone's prayers and advice. Greatly appreciated. I am sitting right now with my dad. He is very confused and weak. We will just continue to do what we can and pray the suffering ends soon.
Regards,
Susan
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