The holidays will be HARD

• By Stellyq
• Posted November 22, 2008 at 9:33 pm
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It sure will be, I lost my Mom five years ago, I still wish we were the mother daughter team shopping together. My only comfort is the wonderful memories , and I always try to share a special memory and talk about her to my kids at the holdiays. To keep her memory alive. I pray for you , it is so hard. Here is a cyber hug for you.
Love
Stella

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• By Family4Me
• Posted November 22, 2008 at 10:44 pm
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Hang in there..she'll be with you in all of the memories. You'll get through this.

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• By hopefuldaughter
• Posted November 22, 2008 at 11:05 pm
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I'm sorry you are getting upset about this. Please try to think outside the box. Are there church friends you could get together with? What about helping out at a homeless shelter? This may sound odd and I can't quite figure out how to word this, but maybe helping people who are in the throes of helplessness could empower you and help you deal with your grief. Like you are not alone and can gain strength from helping others. Can you go visit you siblings or still invite them? It could be a wonderful healing experience. If all else fails, look deep inside yourself. What do you like to do on a regular day. Watch movies? Take a bath? If you happen to be alone, try to make a day to pamper yourself. Your mom would want that.

Big hugs.

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• By yelbrkrd
• Posted November 22, 2008 at 11:18 pm
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i read your posts and you remind me of myself. my mom went to heaven oct 19th after her diagnosis 1 1/2 months. when people say "have a happy thanksgiving" i know they mean well, but i want to slap them, lol. i kind of just want the day to be over with. i know i still have lots to be thankful for but without mom its hard to be thankful. when u mention your thinking shes on vacation i can relate, i sometimes pretend my mom is in vegas gambling having fun, i think your brain only gives you what u can deal with. after reading alot of sad stories here i guess i can say im thankful my mom isnt in pain, some people go thru years and years of chemo, struggles and pain and she didnt and for that i can be thankful but its still hard i know. i wish u luck on the holidays and am anxious to see other responses on how to deal with the holidays. my thoughts are with you, edith

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• By hopefuldaughter
• Posted November 23, 2008 at 12:03 am
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Edith - I just wanted to say hi and I hope you are managing okay. I went to the Boston vigil the other night and actually wondered if you might be there. Drop me a line and let me know how you're doing.

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• By simplyklb
• Posted November 23, 2008 at 12:19 am
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Monica,
I understand how you feel. I am already dreading the holidays. It's just not going to be the same without my dad.

Kristi

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• By coco1101
• Posted November 23, 2008 at 5:38 am
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Monica,

So many care and understand how you are feeling this Thanksgiving; it's wonderful you have sympathetic ears.

My Mom passed on 20 years ago; I miss her still and think of her often. Actually, I say "my Mom lives in my bathroom mirror" because that is where I so often seem to talk to her, just trying to stay connected.

Thanksgiving was her favorite holiday, and thus ours too. First year, I made it at my home in Texas and my siblings all came here. The first year, we couldn't even mention her name; 2nd year we said grace before eating and I told her how glad she would be to know we are all still gathering together, for her. I hosted Thanksgiving for 15 years or so and now we have all gone on our separate ways. But, I couldn't think of this holiday without thinking of my Mom. Sometimes I cried, sometimes we laughed, then we learned to toast her and let her know how much we love and miss her.

Now with several bouts of LC, I can tell you I missed her, wanted her to be here with us. But, that is not to be. I think of fun times, loving times (and some big blowouts too! LOL; no one can push your buttons better than dear old Mom)... But remember the good times, smiles, laughter and love. I made her food (something special for each person), I tried to be her for my family. It was a tall order for the youngest child to try and create what Mom did! Hah, no one could, except her,

If all else fails, stay in bad, pull the covers up to your chin, but still think of all the good times, they are always alive in your heart and in your mind.

Warm regards, been there too,
coco1101

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• By deciccork1
• Posted November 23, 2008 at 7:24 am
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Monica,
I am so with you! My 52 year old husband has been gone just 6 months. I have spent my last 30 years with this man. I feel so alone......I want to be like a bear and go to sleep now and(maybe) wake up in Jan. Loke everyone keeps telling me.......habg in there!
Rox

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• By L2d2b3a
• Posted November 23, 2008 at 8:06 am
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There is no doubt about the season being hard for you. But what would your mom want for you to do? She spent many years "teaching" you how to make memories. Give thanks this year for all the years you had her and all the good times you shared. Someone mentioned volenteering, they are right. Helping those less fortunate can change a bad day into a fond memory. With Christmas right around the corner as well, perhaps if you believe in it, giving gifts to the needy can help too. Lots of agencies give you a name to buy for or a family to help. It will pass along the wonderful love and giving spirit your mom taught you to have. Either way times will be tough but do what would make your mom the proudest, she will be watching! Bless you, Lucy

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• By liznj226
• Posted November 23, 2008 at 1:06 pm
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Monica,
I'm sending you a big cyber hug and a shoulder to lean on. Just an idea, but if I was alone I might consider spending my Thanksgiving visiting a nursing home or helping out at a food bank. Giving to those less fortunate brings a good feeling to my heart and it sounds like your mom had a wonderful heart and loved sharing it. I know it's so hard but be thankful for the wonderful memories that you have and know your mom is with you and wants you to be happy.

I can't imagine life without my mom and I plan to make this Thanksgiving and Christmas a special one filled with memories, love and happiness. With or without cancer, we never know what tomorrow will bring and since my mom has been diagnosed, it has brought true meaning to living for today.

God Bless you and grant you strength, peace and wonderful memories of you mother.

Liz

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• By Monica65
• Posted November 23, 2008 at 3:54 pm
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Thanks for all the comments. Liz - i always wanted to volunteer at a food bank. I will look into it tomorrow. That would be a great way to spend thanksgiving!

Thanks
Monica

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• By janetrn
• Posted November 23, 2008 at 5:16 pm
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I lost my George on August 11, Thanksgiving was his favorite holiday. he and I were always busy this week shopping and getting the food. This year Thanksgiving means nothing to me. I want to close my eyes and wake up sometime in April. It is is hard and I know what you are going through. We will try and make the best of it. Have a peaceful day.
Janet

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• By Marylou1
• Posted November 23, 2008 at 5:33 pm
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Dear Monica:

I am so sorry you are going through this! It is SO Painful! Even though I now am the patient, in 1995 I was not, my mother was, and she passed in September of 1996.

Each Thanksgiving and Christmas hurts, no matter how many years pass. We were a very close family too. Just Me and my sis. We all made stuff and the family got together as most do at Mom's house.

My Thanksgiving of 1996 was crushed not only with the death of my mom, but running to the hospital to visit my husband who had pneumonia. I feel that it was one of the worst years of my life. But as everyone says, life goes on, we get up and try to do our best, we think of our grandchildren, and even though the pain lingers, we do.............because it has to be done.

Last night, I had a visit from my goddaugher who was in tears crying and saying "nothing can happen to you." I said, "Honey, we just don't know, we take a day at a time and do our best. I was blessed to see her 2 little children, one 9 and one 4. They grow so fast.

I have a 6 year old great grandson who I enjoy almost every day, but none of these things will ever replace the mom I loved. And we get up, and we do, and then we do some more, but most of all, we love them.

Yes, it will be hard. I wish I could make that go away.
***Hugs****
Marylou

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• By Marie400
• Posted November 24, 2008 at 8:09 am
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Hello Monica - I so feel for you right now. This will be our first holiday without my Dad or Mom. Both have passed away this year, just a few months apart.

When I was grocery shopping this weekend I was thinking how Thanksgiving was my Mom's favorite holiday. I actually started crying in the store - I hate when that happens! Then I thought about how my Dad was the big baker and how he'd get up early on Wednesday and bake 4 or 5 pies and they would be mouth wateringly delicious!

Unlike you, my sister and her family live close by. And my step-Dad. So we'll still have Thanksgiving. It will be at my house and I'll do the cooking, so at least I'll be busy. My sister will bake the pies.....mmmmm....I'm not too sure about that!

And when we sit down to eat and my brother-in-law says grace, I know he will include my Mom and Dad in some way. And I know that they will both be right there - in each of our hearts.

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• By alwayshope
• Posted November 26, 2008 at 8:49 am
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Hi Monica--
I lost my mum in 1992 to cancer---life has never been the same, but that is not to say that I have not found joy. I have, but every year, at this time, it is the flood of memories of "better days". We can not get that time back, so we do have to make the best of each day and try, ever so hard, to move on. Moving on is not always easy, but prayer each day preceding a "difficult time" has helped me. I ask the Lord to "change my heart" about these holidays---make them about someone else or about Him and allow me to enjoy what is around me. I know that I will see her again and we will enjoy such a "feast" one day together, where there is no more pain or suffering. I am praying for you--wish we could share a cup of tea and a cathartic cry
Alwayshope

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