My dear friend was just diagnosed with lung cancer. I am at a loss as to how to be helpful and aid in her fight. I live 3,000 miles away, and it feels like 3 million at the moment. Can anyone lend advice on ways for me to lend support long distance, without overwhelming or being burdensome? I will of course travel to see her as appropriate, but mostly I will be only able to help from a distance.
Cards and more cards helped me!!!! I have a cousin that sent me a card every other day for months. I looked forward to reading her messages. Emails helped also. It's amazing how many people have sent cards, people I had forgotten about and even children of friends.
I posted the Chemotherapy Prayer recently, maybe copy and paste that to put in a card.
Phone calls were nice later, but didn't want them immediately or lenghty and especially not have to repeat what is wrong with me. Keep it to small talk.
I still don't like to answer the phone....7 months.
Just be a good friend and you'll think of things to do....... :))
This helps - thank you so much. I've been trying to do things that don't require a response. I appreciate your perspective and knowing what was helpful in your situation. Be well.
I agree. Sometimes it was the small stuff that lifted up my whole day. There were days when I didn't even feel like answering the phone but getting a voice-mail knowing someone cared made all the difference. Cards, emails and flowers always helped me feel better. God bless you for caring. You are a good friend!
Linda
While I was doing my chemo one of my dearest friends from childhood would have dinner delivered/catered to our house a few days after each treatment (so I could eat it, too!). She would just call a local grocery store/bakery to have things delivered to our house. I really didn't care what came. It was usually pretty simple (cold cuts, rolls, fresh fruit) and we enjoyed it tremendously. It was so touching to know she cared and wanted to help although she was miles away. We also received a lot of flowers and plants from others that really brightened things up.
I've been on both sides. My dear friend died of colon cancer after 7 years. Periodically I'd send flowers or a teddy bear, but mostly I called and listened. There are things that are too hard to talk about with family, and I was a safe harbor. About once a week was plenty. Now I have stage IV lung cancer. Cards and emails are wonderful. I too have received a soft teddy bear, which I love. Flowers brighten things up now and then. The food idea is wonderful -- we have friends here who bring food now and then. And if you visit, make it easy on her -- rent a car and stay nearby, unless she is doing really well. If you stay with her, give her plenty of "down time."
Gretchen
I would just be there to lend support. I found our circle of good friends and family, plus my former minister, to be of great help to us.
Call as much as you can. Let your friend know that you are there, no matter what. And also let your friend know that you are willing and available to travel to visit.
Also periodically send cards of encouragement. My husband received cards and it's amazing what one card can do to lift the spirits and give inner strength.
Really appreciate everyone's suggestions and taking the time to share them with me. My best wishes to all of you.
I don't know if your friend enjoys reading, but light hearted books might give her an hour to just 'get away from it all' and stop thinking about cancer for a while. There are lots of both fiction and non-fiction books that would fit the bill. You could check with your local librarian and send the books via Amazon or someplace like that. I would also be happy to recommend some if you like. Just send me a note if you are interested and I will put a list together. You are a great friend - and I am sure that she will love and appreciate any and everything that you do!
Erin
Look at my lovely friend Pamiqua! I love you dear, and want you to know that all your support is helping immeasurably.
kisses, kisses, kisses.
Boo
I love the ideas posted. I want to second the thing about the phone calls. I got to where I couldn't talk on the phone when I was going through chemo. Cards and emails meant more to me because I could answer then at my convenience (emails, at least). The food delivery is a great idea, too, as are books to read. If I felt up to it, I would read quite a bit and it was always frustrating to run out of books to read. ;) My book budget definitely had to increase during that time!! ;) Amazon has great deals in their used books section. Not expensive and usually in pretty good shape.
You are such a good friend. :)
Hugs!
Lorie
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