So sorry I have not posted or responded to anything. I'm having a really rough time dealing with my dads passing & reading on here is sometimes too hard for me to do. I have decided to get some therapy as everything I saw in the hospital gives me nightmares. I'm still so angry with the disease never with my dad. I just don't understand why but the why's don't much matter anymore. I'm now 100% devoted to helping others in this situation. I know that will make my dad proud but more importantly it justifies my experience with the disease for me, if that makes any sense. I've made some truly wonderful friends on this site & I thank God I found you guys ( although I don't thank God for the reason I found you ) I got more info from all of you then I did from his dr's. each of you have impacted me in such a way I can't explain & you've all made realize I can't stop living because of the loss of my dad even though for awhile I felt I wanted to. It's amazing to me how cancer destroys everyone involved not just the patient but with all of your courage I've also realized it's time to take that power away from cancer. I will no longer allow it to destroy me. I won't stop until somehow, someway, I've made a difference.
Much love & hugs to all,
Deb
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Sorry I have not posted
- By xxitsmedebxx
- Posted July 1, 2009 at 12:39 pm · 6 replies
- In Family members and caregivers
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- By Marylou1
- Posted July 1, 2009 at 9:57 pm
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Hi Deb:
I know everything had to be very hard on you. Therapy and talking about it does help. Sometimes you have to remember the good times, the laughter and fun. That's what I did with my dad who was a very Staunch Marine ! He had his moments when he would be goofy, or do something goofy and even in his old age, say some things that were goofy, and I can look back and laugh at now.
It is very hard in the beginning. I have been blessed with Chemo, then surgery, then my cancer came back and I am taking Tarceva. It is doing a good job for me.
When I first got sick with cancer, my grandson was 24 years old. He was working in web design and graphics art, and started to study cancer meds online. Well, after my cancer came back he told me he was going back to school and study Pharmacology. He went to school full time and worked more than part time, and Yesterday, he took his certification test and now he can put the initials CPht, (I think) behind his name.
It is very strange how things happen in your life and your choose another direction. He is a good web designer, but when he was doing his internship, he loved being in the IV room learning how to mix the Chemo chemicals.
All the years growing up my grandson was spoiled, but it took me getting cancer for him to decide he wanted to do something that would make a difference in peoples lives. Sometimes God gives us a little nudge in the direction we should go.
We all feel your pain, and hope that time will help heal you. We love you,
Marylou
- By lucy56
- Posted July 2, 2009 at 1:32 am
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As someone with LC and who has lost 3brother and my dad please you have to look after yourself , I worry about my family IF I past from this cancer I want them to hour my memoury and to do this they have to LIVE LOVE LAUGH AND HAVE FUN. I will be in their hearts going along for the ride. So get what help you need to heal from this blow to your soul, then hour your dad, in time he will visit you in your dreams. Take care and know that you and your family are in many peoples prayers.
- By CareyG
- Posted July 2, 2009 at 1:36 am
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Deb,
I just can't even imagine what you're going through. Take your time and be patient, and definitely seek out the support you need. I tell ya, counseling has definitely been a huge help for me. I recommend it highly!
Be well - you are in my thoughts.
Carey
- By sunshine2gal
- Posted July 2, 2009 at 1:45 am
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You are definitely headed in the right direction and beautifully said. I wish you success in finding peace. It's a lot to deal with, but it sounds like you your attitude and efforts to make something positive from this would make your dad proud. I am sure he is smiling down at you now thinking, "That's my girl!"
- By cuddles53
- Posted July 2, 2009 at 11:13 am
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Hi Deb,
I am happy to see you reaching out for our help, and of course, good friend you know we are here for you. Cancer does touch all around us in one way or another, everyone we know has some experience with it themselves, or in their own family. this is one way of coping knowing we are not alone in this. there are many of us who have ta great gift to give comfort to others, this is why people like me can't stay away from this site, your pain is now my pain, which makes your pain a little less powerful.
Now it is your turn to tell others like you, of your experience, believe it or not, many decisions, very important decisions, have been, and are based on things we say and tell people. I have seen it on this site first hand. I have felt good in knowing I may have gained some knowledge in, that can help someone else who has not crossed that path yet. I think it is just about getting to be your time now to help others with your own story. Your experience has taught you many things, and some of these things are not even in your recent memory anymore, but will return as you get typing on this forum to others. I am glad we had a chance to meet in cyberspace like this, and I will continue to pray for the others, and you on this site who are all still struggling in one way or the other. Knowing you are another person added to this list of friends we all hace here, makes it special, makes it worth while. so keep up the great attitude and the path you are on, it is going to lead you to goodness. Take care and God bless.
Sandy
- By kq182
- Posted July 3, 2009 at 6:07 pm
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Hi Deb, so sorry you are having such a bad grieving process with the loss of your Dad, but just know that it is normal, all the emotions you are feeling, and it is going to take time, much time to move on. I am glad that you are getting some treatment, as I look back on my Dad's passing I wish now that I did back then, it is still hard on me, you will always love and miss him, but it will get better, I promise. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, Huggs, Karen
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