I realize this is usually a HOT topic and may get bounced but, this drivel in the NY Times by Derek Raghavan has really "lit my fuse"!
The vast majority of us and our loved ones are ashamed,
even if we didn't smoke, and this guy even accuses people of lying if they claim they don't smoke. I am 100% certain we have all been asked, after someone learns we have LC, "Do you smoke"?
We feel the discomfort every single time it happens, admit it! EVERY SINGLE TIME!
For us smokers, we feel a twinge of guilt, so we "buy into" the same crap! Admit it!
In 1970 in Navy boot camp when I started, there was absolutely nothing wrong with it, in fact, it was unusual not to smoke. I became addicted and the tobacco industry was working hard to increase the nicotine content to strengthen that addiction.
I did nothing illegal or antisocial but, today I feel criminal, I get that "twinge" of shame.
NO MORE! I'm not going to be ashamed, I'm going to look people in the eye and say, so what? I'm going to face these idiots and bigots. Get ALL the drug dealers off the streets then.
I'm not gonna take it anymore!
G
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Shame
- By stage4survivor
- Posted June 23, 2009 at 2:23 pm · 39 replies
- In Non-small cell lung cancer - General
- Shared with the public
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39 replies
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- By monter
- Posted June 23, 2009 at 3:42 pm
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Hi Stage. I started smoking when I was 25 and just decided to stop 10 days ago, am 72 and have been on chemo for over 5 years. I stopped because of the price, not because I was afraid that continuing to smoke would worsen my stage lV cancer, whats to be will be. I really don't blame smoking on my cancer, I blame genes. Smoking does cause copd. Well, stage don't feel bad. I don't know who in the world would ask a question like that, lot of stupid people...my bad!
Don't know how old you are but, everyone knew I was a smoker,,,no asking. To start with it is no ones business! Just fluff it off stage They should get on with their own lives. I don't advocate smoking at all, just each persons business.
God Bless you,
Sylvia
- By Granny888
- Posted June 23, 2009 at 4:03 pm
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You know, I can't admit it. My mom smoked 60 years and died from something umteems time tinier than I had and I didn't live with her more than 20 years and I certainly didn't live in her room, I'm quite sure I probably hid in my room or outdoors from 12-20 so -- really!
So smokig IS a contibutor, so is living with, so is radon, so is living on a quiet mountaintop -- collecting all the pollution from the cities beyond.... I don't know I never smoked and I'm not EGFR mutated and what works for me is finding out what works for me.
Yup, you might get bumped, but I feel no shame not for me and not for my mother. I don't know that feeling in relation to cancer. Maybe in relation to a couple bad bad decisions I made along the line totally unrelated but not this. No shame here.
- By terryl
- Posted June 23, 2009 at 4:30 pm
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I'm with you Granny, no shame here. I smoked. It was one of many stupid things I did when I was young. So what? Did it cause my cancer? Well, it sure as heck didn't help me any. I know this will probably rub some people here the wrong way, but I don't blame people for asking me if I smoked. It has been drilled into our entire country's heads for decades that smoking causes lung cancer. If the tables were turned and I met someone with lung cancer, I might have asked the same thing. The fact is 80% of people with lung cancer smoke or did smoke. When people ask me if I smoked I am not offended, I tell them yes, but then make sure to say that not all lung cancer is caused by smoking. I have never gotten the impression that I was being " blamed" for my disease. Maybe I am obtuse, but it just seems to me a normal question to ask, given all that we know about smoking and cancer. If other people believe that my cancer was caused by smoking, I don't care, and who knows , maybe they are right. Maybe if we took our heads out of the sand we could help others to accept that smoking DOES contribute to lung cancer and that they should not smoke. Don't be ashamed....be one who has learned from the past and use that knowledge to help others change their futures.
- By debra1
- Posted June 23, 2009 at 5:04 pm
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The Hot Topic again! All I want to say is it should not matter how we got the lung cancer. All of us deserve to get help and funding....
My parents smoked when it was accepted and cool by Johnny Carson and all the celebs.. The majority did smoke and too many of us fell into that generation.....
and I will be the first to tell those younger ones, DONT SMOKE, IT CAN KILL YOU. I will also tell them to watch their diet and exercise, if not, IT CAN KILL YOU.
There is no reason to feel shame about smoking any more than obesity or any other bad habit that can harm us.
Thats it and no attacks today!
- By karenere
- Posted June 23, 2009 at 5:19 pm
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I smoked and quit 13 years ago. I am told all the time it's my own fault. There are so many things that could contribute to this friggin' disease. Who the hell knows anymore. I don't care that they ask me anymore, I really don't. Even if it was the cause, what are we supposed to do now??? Not get help??????????
Karen
- By jazzbo
- Posted June 23, 2009 at 5:25 pm
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I read that article and I wrote a response haven't even looked to see if it got posted. All I know is that guy the doctor should get some public writing courses or at least don't write about something that you know nothing about! Just my opinion, don't want to get to hot.- John
- By kq182
- Posted June 23, 2009 at 5:26 pm
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I really feel like I have to defend my husband when people ask me did he smoke? Yes he did, but quit about 12 years ago, really the doctor or no one really knows if because he smoked at some point in his life, that he ended up with lung cancer. He quit years ago for me, and I still smoke, I am addicted, I quit once for about a month, why do I not have lung cancer? Maybe one day I will, but whatever will be will be. There is nothing I can do to prevent it, as long as I have smoked I have done enough damage I would guess to get lung cancer, but if I don't it is maybe my genes or good luck that I don't. I feel that cancer, in what ever form you get should all be treated the same, and not blamed by cigarettes, who knows, maybe cigarettes cause breast cancer? thyroid cancer? liver cancer? No one knows but everyone feels like they need to blame cigarettes for all lung cancer, and it is simply not true, and yes I do feel bad with the stigma with cigarettes and lung cancer, I feel people are not treated the same as with other cancers and it is just not right. Lung cancer patients are all unique and individual and what gave them the cancer only God knows, and more funding is definately needed for lung cancer. Karen
- By brooklynda
- Posted June 23, 2009 at 6:58 pm
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Do I feel shame that I am a former smoker (quit more than 25 years ago!) - hell no! I feel lucky that I was successful in quitting what for me was an addiction - I realize that not everyone can - or for that matter wants to. I feel fortunate - not "better than" anyone! When people ask me if I ever smoked I usually ask if it makes a difference to them whether I did or not. I tell them that I stopped 25 years ago. I view it also as an opportunity to educate people when I then proceed to tell them the different ways people can get lung cancer and that many have never smoked. I also inform them that my father had lung cancer (same lung as mine) which ultimately killed him. I think some people are into the "blame game", attributing lung cancer as ones' fault (hopefully, I can give them something to think about). But, I also think that due to lack of accurate information some people really do not know. I don't think I've done "anything" to "deserve" lung cancer or that anyone else has, so I absolutely refuse to feel any guilt or shame about the cards I've been dealt. If I can provide information, that's fine, but if anyone tries to shame me they've got a tiger by the tail! Blessings! Brooklynda
- By MarionW
- Posted June 23, 2009 at 7:15 pm
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I think the biggest surprise to me and most people I know is that I didn't get lung cancer until years after I quit smoking. You would think -if you were going to get it- you would get it when you are an active smoker. I know that I always thought that I would quit if I got symptoms or coughed or whatever.
The x-ray I got before I quit was totally normal. I am so thankful that I quit -and not for any particular reason -and stuck to it. It was the hardest thing I have ever done ( beside the fun trip this whole cancer thing has been and continues to be).
I am so grateful that I didn't have to deal with the torture of quitting my "best friend" while I was going through all of the cancer stuff. I doubt I could have quit and I assume physically I wouldn't have been able to smoke. At least they do have the patches etc. now to cut the horrible cravings.
All my closest friends knew I had smoked for years so I guess they didn't need to ask. I did have one jerk say: " So how long are giving you?". That from a "loving and concerned acquaintance "
So we hear idiot insensitive things from people- I don't know about anyone else, but my tolerance has dropped for that stuff to zero. So I just blow em off and move on. Stay close to the you people who matter and keep the others at bay.
We have better things to do with our precious time than waste it on this stuff.
Just my input.
- By patriciad
- Posted June 23, 2009 at 8:35 pm
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I think that when people ask "Did you ever smoke?" they are praying that you say yes. With the answer "Yes, I smoked" comes their false sense of security of never having smoked. They feel like they can take a deep breath and think that they will never get THAT cancer because that is the one you get from cigarettes. My dear husband smoked for 35 years and quit many times. The truth is when he was diagnosed, his dr was inquiring more about where he worked(right down by World Trade Center)than anyting else. There are just so many factors.
But , that being said, let us just admit that smoking sucks, it isn't good for us and if we knew then what we know now a whole bunch of people probably would never have taken up the habit. It does damage to the lungs-maybe not cancer always-but emphysema, asthma, COPD. So, I tell my kids to never start. Bad enough we live in a dirty city with God knows what floating around in our air. Gotta try and do what you can to help the odds a bit.
Pat
- By Isunique
- Posted June 23, 2009 at 8:58 pm
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I will always admit that I smoked. Did it cause my lung cancer, maybe, maybe not. I have always been someone who had weird thoughts and I actually think that it is a combination of things. Genes, health, etc. I have known of people that jogged ate all the right things and died suddenly of a heart attack??? Are our genes polluted and have they weakened over time? Think about that one. I hope that I haven't offended anyone but those are my thoughts.
take Care
Sarah
- By iahawk97
- Posted June 23, 2009 at 9:21 pm
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Funny thing - My great aunt pretty much smoked, drank and tanned every day of her life - Didnt get lung, liver or skin cancer. Ended up with pneumonia at 84 and passed from complications due to that.
My mom was a smoker, then she wasn't, then she was, then she wasn't. I get asked as the first question as soon as someone finds out my mom has lung cancer. Doesn't mean she deserves to die ...
- By BetsyT
- Posted June 23, 2009 at 9:24 pm
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Until it becomes "politically incorrect" to demonize smoking, smokers & smoking related diseases we will remain the target of what I have come to believe is nothing short of a hate crime. With our National War against Smoking it is not only acceptable to treat "smoking related diseases" w/ contempt & disregard-It is encouraged. Regardless of the "cause" of our LC-
We are the cash cows -portrayed as the criminals.
The perfect crime.
There is only one thing that I have found to generate any compassion or understanding towards this disease... when someone or their loved ones, gets a LC diagnosis.... Idiots like that NY Times Doc. cannot think outside the box, nor do they want to. After all, he & everyone else would forfeit their "immunity" to this disease. And ACS might loose credibility.
Glad you're not gonna take it anymore George,but the tragedy is--We are the Fall Guys...
- By cuddles53
- Posted June 23, 2009 at 10:58 pm
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I smoked and loved every minute of it until the whole world turned against me! Suddenly I found I was outside smoking all alone, all of a sudden the world just changed, seemed so fast didn't it, one minute we were cool like in the movies and then all of a sudden we were banned from everywhere, work ,planes, buses even some hospital parking lots won't let you smoke, but this just goes to show you how just a few complainers in this world made history, so we can do the same, and we as a group of us, can make the stigmatism go away by ignoring ignorant people who would say such things to us. I don't tell people at the restaurants who are overweight to just buy salads! I don't expect nosy people should worry about what I did with my life, all I know is right now I have cancer, how I got it isn't going to make much difference now. I quit 3 years ago on Valentine's Day, and felt I gave up my best friend. But no shame here.
Sandy
- By Chauncey53
- Posted June 24, 2009 at 12:36 am
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I don't think I feel shame as much as I just get defensive. The 2nd sentence after I have to clarify - 'No, not breast cancer (the automatic assumption) its lung cancer' is "But I quit 10 yrs ago and my Onc says my lungs are in good condition" I am getting out of that habit by holding my head up during my 1st response and looking them in the eye. The best defense is a good offense so I should probably stop that too... Instead of defensive I'm getting confrontational.
If I could get a tatoo it would be a white ribbon ( which is really kind of a boring color so I'd have to add some bling to it.
I am not ashamed I have lung cancer. I am ashamed at where we are ranked on the proactive testing and funding meter. I am ashamed of the people who automatically turn the lung cancer equation around to 'my fault' as being an ex-smoker so they dont have to feel bad about not joining THIS walk or THAT charity.
I think the big tobacco companies created this environment when they 1st started getting sued by smokers dying of cancer and wanting them to take some responsibility. It was hammered into juries and the public that the cancer 'victim' did it to themselves. They didnt force the person to smoke etc etc.
With so many non-smokers joining the ranks every day - and through the involvement of their family and friends we are becoming a more organized, verbal group. We are a vital part of society - we count, and we need the same chance as everyone else has to be a vital part of the future.
- By Granny888
- Posted June 24, 2009 at 1:47 am
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Well ... I missed something here. I understand and I've sat on the fence of this before -- no no one deserves it. My mother felt guilty but she became addicted at an age where it was OK, encouraged, and all truly addictive personalities can't just turn their backs and stop. So we blame the smokers, the drinkers, the drug-users and some seem worse than others because of legalities but addictions are addictions.
The thing is, mom smoked for 60 years, quit short-term a couple times, and died of something *small* to *death* within 2 years, and right after dad died with early age (somewhat early age) alzheimer's. She wanted to live. She was confused.
My shame came from not caring any more -- my family mood-swing problems, years of dealing with it alone -- 2 years after mom 2 years after dad, a couple weeks before I was diagnosed I definiately had what you call a passive wish for dying. I didn't see the point any more and I sure didn't feel worthwhile. It was half-way through the chemo that I realized I just might live a while that my changing changed on all that. So there's my shame. No doubt I will survive -- for a while, quite a while longer that I originally thought I would -- but I cherish each day and each special treat and every hug from those kids and grandkids in ways I never did before. For that I am honestly grateful. Dead in 2 or 5 or 10 years, I have gained a quality of life that I doubt I would have had during this timeframe.
So yea, I had shame. (almost, hehe). A new opinion on life, that's for sure. And a new perspective on where I did good that's for double sure.
- By dougmc
- Posted June 24, 2009 at 4:11 am
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AT UCSF where I'm treated there are several support groups, and the Lung Cancer group has been kept separate from the regular cancer group because of this stigma. Cigarette smoking is an addiction, and has always been a more socially accepted one because it's always been openly sold, like alcohol. My father quit smoking 35 years before he was diagnosed with lung cancer. What non-smokers don't understand is that, with any addiction, you don't think it will happen to YOU, and the addiction kind of overpowers your logic. I'm not ashamed that I smoked, it was common when I grew up and was socially acceptable... a lot of people were doing it, and the media encouraged it. I was diagnosed a year ago with a very rare cancer, neuroendocrine, stage IIIB. There's very little info about this kind of cancer. Steve Jobs of Apple apparently has the same cancer type, and it usually settles in the pancreas rather than the lung. To my knowledge, he didn't smoke. My onc. is now telling me they're having more of an influx of patients coming into the clinic with this same cancer and they don't know why. Was it something we were exposed to? I'm not sure it was cigarette smoking, and no one will probably ever know that for sure. To judge someone re: that is a bit arrogant. None of us are perfect, and most of us have our own addictions of one kind of another. There are a lot of smokers who continue smoking into their 90's and die from natural causes. I'm thinking more and more it's more of a case of genetics rather than just plain cause and effect.
- By diamond
- Posted June 24, 2009 at 9:34 am
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Alright time, time to vet. I have had only one insensitive jerk offer the at least you know you deserved it--because of my smoking. This was a co-worker--a college professor. This came up because another faculty member had suddenly been diagnosed with lung cancer spread to spine. The individual had not smoked in over 40 years. The offending individual is still a closet smoker or whatever one might call it. I could not believe his comment. I informed him that he could say what he wanted around me but if he valued his health, he should not make such comments around strangers or other individuals with cancer.
Jim
- By Tmg41
- Posted June 24, 2009 at 10:20 am
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I usually respond with if i did do I deserve to die from Lung Cancer?
It really quiets the underlying suggestion that I deserve lung cancer because I or someone else smoked.
Nobody deserves Lung Cancer regardless of their personal habits or lack there of.
Hope this helps
- By Chi-Dreamer
- Posted June 24, 2009 at 10:57 am
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When I was diagnosed I said to the Dr I guess I did this to myself and he said NO, your lung cancer is not associated with smoking. My mother is 88 and still smokes and I don't nag her to quit, hell at her age she can do whatever she enjoys doing as far as I'm concerned. Oh, and yes her lungs are clear, no cancer on her side. I got my genes from my Dad because 5 of his siblings including him had cancer of 1 sort or another. And the 1 Aunt died of lung cancer never smoked.
I still say the Drs use smoking as a scapegoat, and the media and narrow minded fools like the guy that wrote that article need to wake up.
Linda
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