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• By L2d2b3a
• Posted August 18, 2008 at 4:21 am
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Dear Lilsister, I am so sorry you are going through this. Sometimes the ones they love the most are the ones they hurt, but it is the fear and meds talking. My husband has extensive SCLC and he too is in denial and tells everyone he is in remission and will be cured after his last round of chemo. I think, God Bless them, they truly need to believe that because to accept anything else would make them lose faith. And who knows? Maybe they are right. My husband too will attack me verbally. But only in front of others. I dont get it but I have to rise above it all and remember what hes going through. Good luck to you and hang in there. Sincerely, Lucy

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• By cronicX4
• Posted August 18, 2008 at 7:47 am
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Sometimes they think if they push you away, you'll get mad and then if and when the time comes, you won't hurt so bad. The meds mess with their common sense sometimes,too. Stay strong.
Remember and remind him of the good times.
God bless you and your family.

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• By 1lung
• Posted August 18, 2008 at 2:05 pm
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After my first surgery,I was told I was not going to live more than a few months from doctors and oncology, they said at the best try chemo to keep my pain comfortable. I was very mean to my friends and family, I had so many people wanting to talk and pray with me and I felt so overwelmed and swamped and felt like I was being asked to many questions, my dad compared his brain surgery with my health problems and I got really mad at him because he was fine in a few months and I was going to die, no comparison. my friends looked up things and treatments and stories on the intranet and would call me, I just wanted left alone to think and have time to feel and take everything in. I didn't want people crying on my shoulder I didn't want to hear about the loss and pain they would have with out me, I had my own feelings to deal with. And on top of all that my pain medicine made me very snappy.
It's sad to be that way but I would suggest just visiting and only listening. I just wanted everyone to stop talking. I didn't want lectures and prayers and be told what and where. Soon as I'd see someone I was defensive.
The ones who listened and was more quiet were the ones I let in and eventually did hear what they wanted to say.
I see your point it's your dad and you want to be there for him and have him get treatment. I was just telling you how I was and maybe he feels the same or somewhat. Good luck, I did go to a hospital that specialized in my cancer and I was cured a year ago next week. The right hospital makes a difference on rare cancer.

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• By lilsister
• Posted August 18, 2008 at 2:48 pm
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Thank you Lady and Cronic Your words Help alot..

Thank you too 1lung I dont talk when i am with Dad I just ask once in a while if he needs anything. That when He gets angry. Or if your not to him right when he calls he starts cussing us out. But I dont care if I could hear his voice or see him i am fine. The docs stopped the treatment now that it is in his marrow. But He wont take any pain meds cuz it makes him constipated. I am Just hanging on until he will let me come over I am not calling or anything and my Sister is catching all the heat.

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• By Marylou1
• Posted August 19, 2008 at 12:48 pm
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I would like to add a quick word to say about the constipation, since everyone else covered what needed addressing.

MOST pain meds will constipate! Someone needs to get him on a stool softener or possibly on a regemin of Benefiber or both. If the constipation is very bad then Senekot is a good herbal alternative and available at most pharmacies and even Walmart.

I know how you must feel. Even though I am now the patient, in 1996 my mother was the patient and was VERY mean to me. She had nothing good to say and I was there to care for her every day. I shudder when I think about the day she threw a bowl of soup at me saying this tastes like crap.

Sad to say, in 1996 they did not have the sophisticated drugs they have today. If they did, mom might still been going strong.

Praying for you and your family
Marylou

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• By Ray
• Posted August 19, 2008 at 4:02 pm
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lilsister

The process of dying is a very lonely process. When my wife was dying, I could be there with her, but I was not the one who was dying. I could not make that journey with her. She had to make it alone. I found some of her writing. So I know how terribly lonely she felt.

So do not pretend to be able to relate what is going on. Do not attempt to compare. Do not use platitudes. Cause what you're going through is not the same; it is not death.

On a few rare occasions, people who are dying do find one another. The bucket list was a movie about such people. There are groups for people like this, but when you are very ill, often the illness prevents one from getting out and meeting other people.

This process of isolation affects people in strange ways. Often people become angry all the time until or unless they reach the acceptance stage. My wife reached the acceptance stage before going.

Ray

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• By lilsister
• Posted August 19, 2008 at 6:26 pm
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Thank you for all you inspiring words. Dad is calling me again. He is feeling great with no chemo and no radiation. The stabilizing drug he sais is a miracle drug. He is taking stool softeners and laxative and also drinking some liquid that is helping with the constipation but he is still refusing to take the pain meds. But its ok... I'm just sitting back waiting to hear his voice and praying everyday just for him to not have pain...

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