My mom passed peacefully

By janetrn
Posted August 28, 2008 at 11:19 am

First I am so sorry to hear of your Mom's passing, it is so hard to loss a loved one and I dont think life can ever be the same.
I took care of My george 4 days shy of a year of when he was diagnosed. I had to take so much time off and it hurt me to leave him when I had to work. He passed away on August 11, and I came back to work a week later. I had no choice but to come back and it has helped me with his death. If you need the time take it if you have to work then do so, you still grieve like I do even at work. But bills need to be paid. Do what is best for you. Again I am so sorry that cancer took such a young woman. Be well and be storng.
Janet

By BetsyT
Posted August 28, 2008 at 11:34 am

Dear Leah,
I am so sorry for your loss. Grief has no rules. I wish you strength & comfort in your most sorrowful time. Betsy

By erinroro
Posted August 28, 2008 at 12:22 pm

Dearest Leah,
I am sorry to hear about your mom. How wonderful that her last words to you were the same, I am sure, as the first words she spoke to you when you were born. They are the same words that she will say to you every moment of everyday from now on.
As far as how much time you can take off I imagine that it depends on your workplace, but I do not think they can deny you the time if you want/need it. There is such a thing as 'Family Leave' - and I seem to think that is up to 3 months, but I am not sure. You might check with your supervisor/boss to see what he/she has to say.
It sounds like your Dad needs you right now. I would listen to your heart to tell you what is the right thing to do.

God Bless you!

Erin

By peyz33
Posted August 28, 2008 at 12:54 pm

Leah - I am so sorry about Mom - 45 is way too young to be taken - grief is a very personal thing - some people need a lot of time and some can move forward and grieve in the quiet moments alone- as far as work - most firms have "a policy" about these things - and most are not flexible about it - but you have to do what you feelis right in your heart. If you know you can't afford to lose your job then you really have no choice - but know that we are all here for you - again - I am so SO sorry - hang tough!
Karen

By ps
Posted August 28, 2008 at 2:13 pm

Leah, I too am so sorry for your loss. My 47 year old husband just passed away on July 12th after fighting for only 6 months. I too spent every moment I could with him and had the luxury of having a wonderful boss who said "take as long as you need" (and he kept paying me) I was off for 3 weeks while my husband was in the hospital. I went back to work the week after the funeral but have taken a day or two here and there to spend time doing all the 'after stuff' of losing someone and also to spend special time with my children (19 and 15). I would say each person is different and grieves in a different way. Honestly, somedays at work I get nothing done as all I can think about is my husband and my family's loss and then other days it is a good distraction.
I know you feel you have to be strong for your dad, but don't forget about your feelings also. It is a fine line to balance on. It helps me to talk to my husband. There have been times I have told him that I didn't know what to do or how to go on and that I needed a sign and it wasn't long and something good would happen, so I guess I am saying, continue to talk to your mom and look for her everywhere you go, she will be there for both you and your dad.
My prayers are with you both.

By SusanL1
Posted August 29, 2008 at 10:46 am

Leah, I am so, so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your family.
Susan

By StacieK
Posted August 29, 2008 at 10:54 am

Oh Leah I am so very sorry, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Stacie

By mariannebreathes
Posted August 29, 2008 at 3:35 pm

It breaks my heart - that you have lost your mom - I pray that you and your family will have the strength to get through this together.
Much Love
Marianne

By pattyp1
Posted August 29, 2008 at 4:47 pm

oh, Leah -
hugs.
please accept my condolences - I am so sorry you lost your mom - she was way, way too young -
hugs
Pat

By bayrealtor
Posted August 29, 2008 at 9:04 pm

Wow....what to say...."I believe your Mom has passed and gone on to a new world my friend." A world without pain, suffering, sadness,evil and even guilt for leaving loved ones behind (if only for a short time.)
If you believe in Jesus, you know these truths and if not, ask him into your life and ask forgiveness for your sins, he will hold you in his arms.
Will you never again feel sadness or get ill or have tragedy in this life? Most likely not....but I can tell you the difference we feel since my 34 year old wife was diagnosed with stage 4 nsclc 2 and a half months ago.
We both asked Jesus into our lives at that point and since that time many tears have fallen and there are times usually when I am alone that tears flow for Cathy and for myself.....but I immediately ask Jesus to help calm me and give me peace and he ALWAYS does! We know there IS a better world waiting us. There is no doubt. I can go on & on.....but I wont. Find peace for you and your Dad in Jesus my friend.
Love to you and be strong!

Bill & Cathy

By bayrealtor
Posted August 29, 2008 at 9:04 pm

Wow....what to say...."I believe your Mom has passed and gone on to a new world my friend." A world without pain, suffering, sadness,evil and even guilt for leaving loved ones behind (if only for a short time.)
If you believe in Jesus, you know these truths and if not, ask him into your life and ask forgiveness for your sins, he will hold you in his arms.
Will you never again feel sadness or get ill or have tragedy in this life? Most likely not....but I can tell you the difference we feel since my 34 year old wife was diagnosed with stage 4 nsclc 2 and a half months ago.
We both asked Jesus into our lives at that point and since that time many tears have fallen and there are times usually when I am alone that tears flow for Cathy and for myself.....but I immediately ask Jesus to help calm me and give me peace and he ALWAYS does! We know there IS a better world waiting us. There is no doubt. I can go on & on.....but I wont. Find peace for you and your Dad in Jesus my friend.
Love to you and be strong!

Bill & Cathy

By Jolene
Posted August 30, 2008 at 9:15 am

Good advice has been given. Like others have said, speak with your employer to see what the rules are. My best friend just had her mother pass away suddenly at the age of 66. Her dad wants her to stay with him, esp. at nights. She is concerned he will not want her to leave. There comes a time, they have to face the agony of loss alone. In the quiet, when they are alone with thoughts.

It is not easy. When our families started to leave mom to return to our homes, I sobbed. I didn't want to leave her. The last car was ours. As we drove out of the driveway I saw her standing alone waving; where two once stood. It is something I will never forget.
It was not easy for her. It was not easy for us. It is something she had to go through she said. You do what you feel is right for you. The most important thing is to return to life the best you can, as soon as you can. I am sure your dad is scared of being alone with his sorrow. Talk it out with him. Do you live close by? That makes a big difference too. Unfortunately, we all live several hours away, but, we called every single day for the first year...that helped her she said.
My thoughts are with you and your family. I am so sorry for the passing of such a young woman. Jolene

By KellyLee
Posted August 30, 2008 at 10:36 am

I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand your pain. Lung cancer took my Dad in Jan. 08 - he ws 63. Five weeks later, my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer - she is 63.
Everyone had given you good advice already.
Take care of yourself. My thoughts are with you!
Kelly

By sull
Posted August 30, 2008 at 10:37 am

Hi Leah,
I am so sorry to hear about your mom. My dad is in the final stages of small cell cancer. The doctors say he could pass any time now or up to a couple of weeks. I have been off work for two weeks. My father's oncologist and palliative care doctor told me to take family leave. My family doc just wrote a note for me to stay off work until 26 September. I think your work should be understanding. The shock of the loss of your mother may not fully set in for a little bit.

I lost my husband to cancer when I was 32. I found that the week of his funeral was full of hustle and bustle with friends dropping off casseroles and offering support. But, shortly after his funeral the phone calls started to slow down and I felt very lonely. Your dad may feel this way soon. Your dad may want you to spend a few nights with him, but may not ask.

Hang in there. I am thinking of you.

Hugs,
Melissa

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