My Mom- It's been a year already!!!!!!!!!!!

• By pattyp1
• Posted February 26, 2009 at 6:31 pm
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hey Monica,
hugs, friend - you are never alone - you are ours every minute of every day - and I know what you're saying about being numb - honestly, can you really remember what "normal" ever felt like?
hugs
Pat

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• By KATHEF
• Posted February 26, 2009 at 6:35 pm
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Hi, so sorry for this sad anniversary. I didn't handle my father dropping dead without any warning when I was 19 without a lot of emotional baggage. I've had over 20 years to think on it and here is what I came up with that may or may not help. #1: That fact that you are mourning a huge loss shows that you had a great mom which not everyone in life is blessed with. #2: You and everything you do are her living legacy. #3: She probably would understand your feelings but your well-being and happiness would be the most important thing to her. As a parent, you don't devote your life to a child so that when they grow up and you pass on the child is miserable for the rest of their life!Peace, Kathy

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• By Marie400
• Posted February 26, 2009 at 6:35 pm
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Monica - In two weeks it will be the one-year anniversary of my Dad's death. Where does the time go? It seems that after a year I wouldn't still be feeling so sad. It seems like his illness and death would be a fading memory, but it's in the forefront of my mind - always.

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• By opus1953
• Posted February 26, 2009 at 7:30 pm
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Monica65,
I hope whatever advise and feedback you receive from these wonderful people on this board helps you in your time of grief. What KATHEF stated is so very true. Your mom would not want you to carry such pain and depression with you. We lost our beloved mother in the same manner as you - on 12/24/2008 we got the news of her lung cancer...48 days later she was gone. We will miss and will always our mom. But we are at peace in knowing that mom is at peace. I hope and wish you comfort and love abound.
Opus

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• By jazzbo
• Posted February 26, 2009 at 8:46 pm
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Hi Monica, you say your numb and without emotion. I totaly think you are wrong! You say you are so in pain and can't deal with stuff. Thats because you are full of so much emotion you can't let it all out at once. You'll be Ok it takes a while. As kathy said your mom wants you to be happy. Enjoy your memories of your mom. These will keep her alive in your mind. Both of my parents are gone and have been for a long time. but even today as every day I feel them with me, watching ,caring and guiding me. They try at least, every once in a while I still rebel. lol. Take care, John

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• By MarionW
• Posted February 26, 2009 at 9:23 pm
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Monica, it is normal to grieve and miss a mother you adored. It is normal to still miss her a year later. What is REALLY of concern is your thoughts of suicide. Please discuss that with your doctor and if necessary, get therapy, grief counseling and medication to help you with this.

We all reach a point in life that is just too much and there is help to get us through.

My prayers go out to you. I know the greatest thing I have received from this experience is a deep gratitude for each day of life and how much I took for granted.

Focus on the gift your mother was to you and what a gift each day of life is to you rather than the loss if you can.

My heart goes out to you. God bless.

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• By cressida
• Posted February 27, 2009 at 8:41 am
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Monica,

I've been there too and know how hard it is. I was sure I couldn't live in this world were my father to go, and when he did, I was numb too. Not that we are ever prepared, but in your case it was very sudden, and you could be suffering some post traumatic shock. They have some very good therapies for that now, that you may want to look into. Grieving is a process and it's different for each of us. There is no 'rulebook' on how we should think or feel, so who's to say what 'normal' is, but it may not hurt to get some help to release some of those emotions that you are not feeling.

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• By wyvonne
• Posted March 2, 2009 at 1:32 am
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Monica,
Maybe if you look at what your mother gained rather than your loss it may help. She is at peace, free of pain, and the blessing is that she did not linger and suffer for months on end. She has imprinted herself in the lives of her family and death can't take that away from you. I really don't know what else to say, I just know that often if I can change how I view things it helps me to accept what I can not change.

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• By DianaY
• Posted March 2, 2009 at 12:42 pm
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Monica,

I was coughing for months and thought it was allergies! I went to my GP doctor and she kept putting me on different things for the cough and nothing was tkaing it away. I felt just fine, no other "symptoms". Then I went to have a lung scan and what do you know, after a biopsy it was stage IV non small cell lung cancer!? I've never smoked....completely healthy otherwise and 43 years old!? Anyway....don't beat yourself up over not knowing that your mom was sick. It's easy to not know.

Life will go on for you and stay on this site for support!! So many people care and will help you though this difficult time. You're in my prayers~

Diana

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