Friday Oct. 16, 2009 my daddy started feeling a little ill and dizzy. Prior to this he worked 70 hours a week for the last 40 years running his own business. The picture of health from the outside. (Other than being a smoker since he was a teenager.) He never gets sick. Has not been to see a dr. since 1982 when he was in a wreck and had reconstructive knee surgery.
Sat. Oct. 17, 2009 he is still feeling funny and pretty much passed out on my grandma's couch. He goes to ER they start running tests, send him by Ambulance to another hospital in a bigger town. That night - cat scans, MRI, blood tests galore.
The dr. comes in and talks about cancer. Lots showing up on his scans. They admit him to the hospital. Next day do a lung biopsy through his nose. More cat scans, and two days later the results are all in.
They tell him he has less than 6 months to live and that's if he gets radiation.
The cancer is in his lungs, brain, spine, liver, stomach and all over the bones.
How could he not know? I mean other than a little back pain from time to time which would be normal for a 60 year old man that works as hard as he does he has been fine.
I am heartbroken. My Daddy is dying and he is refusing to have anything done. He has worked his whole life and doesn't want to leave his family with nothing. He has no insurance and he said he isn't going to sell off his business, house, land, trucks, etc just to pay to live a little longer.
I called Texas Oncology Friday and explained his situation to them and he signed a release to have the hospital he was out send their findings to them. Please pray they can see him this week and we can get a better idea of what is possible for him.
The hospital sent him home with two prescriptions. Decadron 4x day at 4 mg. and Hydrocodone. They only wrote the pain meds for 4 days worth!!! The other one (steriod) is no refills.
He can barely stand the pain right now. He is dizzy, he is losing weight, can't eat barely though he is really hungry he gets full fast and you have to understand this is a man that eats like a horse normally and never gains weight. He was 5'10" and 167 when he entered the hospital (he's always been a thin man and that's actually a high weight for him) and now he is in the 150's in less than a week.
Sorry for the length of this. Not sure what I expect to hear from y'all... just thought maybe someone could give me info on what I need to be prepared for.
If he is going to die that fast how is it going to happen? He looks so healthy right now it's hard to even imagine what he is up against.
They sent him home and he isn't working right now. His crew is taking care of things. He wants to go back to work though, but I told him he can't drive... he gets too dizzy with us driving him no way would he be ok to drive!! He said he's going to die anyways then I reminded him it's not just himself he might harm on the road - he could kill other people if he wrecks and he agreed with me then that it was a bad idea.
I love my Daddy so much and just don't know what to do at all. This just hit us so fast and he is taking it too well. He was so out of it before they started the steroids. I mean like someone with alzheimers overnight. :(
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My daddy diagnosed and sent home to die. :(
- By immamama
- Posted October 26, 2009 at 6:46 am · 32 replies
- In Non-small cell lung cancer - Stage IV
- Shared with the public
- Edited October 26, 2009 at 6:49 am
Explore topics in this discussion:
Cancer Surgery Arthritis Back pain Hospice care Decadron Chronic fatigue syndrome Morphine Anxiety Pain Tarceva Bone cancer Lung cancer Depression Adrenal cancer
32 replies
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- By cards7up
- Posted October 26, 2009 at 6:59 am
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Unfortunately it creeps up and hits hard. He is at stage IV and not doing well from what you are saying. I think they may give him radiation to help with the pain. You need to try and be prepared for anything. That's the only way I can put it. You might want to call hospice, they will be a great help to all of you. I wish him and your family the best. Take care, JC
- By Daughter816
- Posted October 26, 2009 at 7:12 am
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Ask him to fight for you guys. call Sloan Kettering in NYC. Ask him to do anything to live. Stage IV people have come back and lived years.
My father has the worst kind of lung cancer and with treatment has a 1% chance of living past 18 mos. Its been 9 mos and he's doing well. A lot of treatments BUT he is living and breathing and walking and talking and enjoying his family.
Good luck,
D
- By immamama
- Posted October 26, 2009 at 7:37 am
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I've cried, pleaded, etc. He refuses to sell off things or lose his stuff (which I told him no one wants, we want HIM) to pay to have treatment. He said he doesn't want to prolong this. If it's his time, it's his time. He said he'd rather just rest and die at home than fight and do treatments just to get a couple more years (if that) out of it. :( :(
- By mbartusch
- Posted October 26, 2009 at 8:43 am
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I am so sorry you are going through this. I and others here know how frightened and confused you feel. Having a loved one diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer is like having a bomb go off in your life. Although the decisions about treatment are his to make, being honest with your feelings can never be wrong. And I am sure that he understands how much you love him and how afraid you are when you talk to him about this.
I hope you have better days ahead than what the last couple weeks have been and that you and your dad are able to share many smiles, hugs, kisses and great conversations yet.
This is a good place for you to share this journey, too. Please write as often and as much as you need to.
- By sticktogether
- Posted October 26, 2009 at 8:57 am
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See if there are any free trials in the area.
- By Celia123
- Posted October 26, 2009 at 9:09 am
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Get him on Low dose naltrexone asap, also alpha lipoic acid, mail Dr Berkson, you will find him if you do a google, also look at Dr Zagon and the OGF. There are things to be done, your dad has to fight!!!! I was diagnosed nearly four years ago with NSCLC and still here and last I heard I was NED, Go for it and I wish you luck and blessings.......
- By Kelly_P
- Posted October 26, 2009 at 9:10 am
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As difficult as it is & as great a shock as this has been for you, you need to respect your Dad's feelings and beliefs. With the extensive metastases, things are not good. Far better is your Dad's positive attitude than for you to be dealing with depression and high anxiety on top of everything else.
On down the road, you won't want your last conversations with your Dad to be ones of talking about nothing except his cancer and what he should or should not be doing.
His pain is only going to get steadily worse - from the bone mets if nothing else. I highly doubt that the hydrocodone is going to give him the relief he needs. As someone else suggested, call hospice who can help with pain relief and the cost therein.
(Lost my father to colon cancer, lost my husband to Stage IV adenocarcinoma lung cancer.)
God bless,
Kelly
- By Careensdaughter
- Posted October 26, 2009 at 9:12 am
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Dear Immamama,
I too was completely blindsided when we took my mother in to the ER for a "pulled muscle" and a "little arthritis" in her back that kept getting worse to the point she couldn't even walk. She had stage 4 lung cancer. She was diagnosed on September 21, and we lost her on October 17th. I pray your father is able to control the pain and that he beats the odds. I am thankful that people on this site we able to prepare me for the possibility of losing my mom so quickly. It has been just over a week since she passed and the whole thing still seems so unbelievable that I expect to wake up and find it is a bad dream. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your dad. I started out praying for a miracle with my mom....I then prayed that she not be given any more than she could handle. This is a terrible disease.
- By Sherryraleigh
- Posted October 26, 2009 at 9:54 am
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I'm sorry you and your family are having to face this disease. I was diagonsed in May 09 with Stage IV Adnocarcinoma. I am going to Duke and have been given (Alimta/Carboplatin) chemo and in four treatments my main tumor shrunk 80%. I have really done well with the side effects so far. I have finished my sixth treatment and waiting to have my next CT on Thursday. There is a book called Anti Cancer-a New Way of Life by David Servan-Schreiber, MD-PhD. It has helped me so much. I know you don't have a lot of time to read now but, if you can get a copy at Barnes and Noble or Amazon and read pages 90 through 128 you will find so much information about what you can do to help shrink the tumors through diet and supplements. The steroid is what caused me to have trouble eating. Also google the information about the PH diet. Please don't listen to the doctors prediction about the amount of time that your dad has left. I also would talk to another oncologist. There are some wonderful trials going on right now! Sugar and White flour wil feed the cancer. Try to keep him away from it and if you would like to email me and keep in touch let me know and I will send you my email address! Prayers to you all. We know how it feels! God Bless!
- By cuddles53
- Posted October 26, 2009 at 10:22 am
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I think your dad may have a small fear of all the treatments, you mentioned, I think he does not go to doctors, and has been a big strong man! Well many people are just down right afraid of what they do not understand. There has always been a stigma about cancer treatments, in that you feel sick all of the time, you throw up, you go down hill, and then it kills you anyway. Not to mention the cost if you have no insurance.
Let me help you with a few things to tell dad.
He can go to a hospital for treatment ,and pay them back payments, they know for one thing it takes a long time to sell up anything to pay for anything, so why not get him on a payment plan to re-pay, Don't sell the business, he may want to later, but not now, he is wanting to save all he has made for you guys. This is ridiculous since we only have one life, there is no going back later and saying I should have tried to do something,. he may just be in a total shock right now, and be very angry that this has happened to him. This way he can show God who is boss, and who is in charge. He tells himself, no way is this going to happen to me, I will show him.. If you have a lung cancer diagnosis, it is an automatic disabilty check, he will need to sign up for it and have the doctors sign papers and he will soon be getting monthly checks for that, even if he does have his own business. If he can't work because of disability this is what they have been paying into for years and years, and he is entitled. In 2 years medicare will kick in for insurance also. So for 2 years he will need to pay partial payments to whoever he gets to treat the cancer. They can not refuse you because of no money, and no insurance. Especially today with the new health bills going into effect. There would have to be a way to contact your congresssman to get that all figured out. but the main thing is to have you dad look at this from a different perspective, and maybe in the eyes of someone else, like mine.
Please talk with him, read him our posts, tell him life does not necessarily come to an end just because you have been diagnosed with lung cancer. I know the community seems to put this lung cancer on as the biggest killer, and it is, but it also has many , many good and happy endings as well. So please talk with him. I am a survivor, and my husband was also, he lived for 6 years and was given just 3 months. He died a few years ago from a bleed in his brain, not cancer, the doctor said he went way beyond what they ever expected of him, and said he was actually cured of cancer. So he needs a few things to go on. One is hope, he can get it from you or me or all of us. Sometimes the doctors are not the ones to get hope from. He needs a lot of faith in ?God and a faith in himself that he is strong enough to go the way, and do it. He also needs a strong support system of people pushing him to go forward, smiling and happy faces full of promise, and hope. It doesn't hurt to show your emotions to your dad either. It shows him you care, and you are a coach, not a coward. So good luck trying to convince him, it will be worth it. I am sure of it, All of those xrays are just words on a piece of paper and half the time they are lies! I had a medical chart a mile long, I am a nurse, so when I read it, I couldn't believe it was me they were talking about in those files. i should have been dead with a blood clot in the aorta of the heart, and one pressing on the pulmonary artey, and many more tumors floating around all over my body, in my lymph nodes in the pleural fluid.....I was a mess.! And now.... remission.... I don't know for how much longer, but I have seen 3 extra summers, went on boats I never thought I would get on, went to Atlantic city once, and florida twice, tell me I didn't build more memories for myself or family in that extra time? I did. Take care, and please have you dad re-think this. I have many more stories that are all true to tell you but i think I am going to save room on here for others from our site to join in and tell you what thier story is.
Another thing he needs to know is, this telling a patient they only have a few months to live is a load of bull! I am still alive with stage Lv, non small cell. I also was given my death sentence and proved them wrong. Many of us are living a long time and not in pain The radiation works great, their is cyberknife to get any timy spots on thevbrain and other chemo drugs can clean up the rest of those tumors in his body. It can be done, it is done everyday.
Side efects, you get tired, and weak, and more than likely no vomiting anymore, theyn have drugs to treat the vomiting.
Patience is another thing I wanted to mention but an important thing to also remember with cancer.
God bless, and good luck.
Sandy
- By sticktogether
- Posted October 26, 2009 at 12:38 pm
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Out of all the posts, Cuddles is the best one. I didn't think about the payment plans and disability. Use her advise.
- By debra1
- Posted October 26, 2009 at 12:40 pm
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I am sorry you have had to come to our site. I have a father -89yr old that was diagnosed with lung cancer and he could only tolerate some radiation. He is now under Hospice care.
Another suggestion for a 2nd opionion in the area is Arlington Cancer Center. Dr. Alfred DiStefano treats lung cancer and I think he and others there are great. He and several came from MD Anderson training. I have ext. SCLC and have had much success. I have met patients there that have come from out of state to treat.....If you would like any other info, just let me know.
- By Marylou1
- Posted October 26, 2009 at 3:40 pm
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I am SO sorry you are going through this. There are thousands of people on this website that have made predictions by doctors totally obsolete.
Cuddles gave you the very best advice. Not that others with diet info do not help, but your dad can get treatment and not worry about selling his business. And besides, what good is that business going to do anyone if he is gone?
I know you have a tough sell on your hands, but hopefully, after a few more days of nagging and telling him that there are many success stories here, he will change his mind.
Cuddles also gave you some very sound advice about disability and Medicaid. If he signs up for disability now, he will be approved quickly. At least by that time, he will have talked to a few more doctors. There are some members here that signed up and were approved within weeks.
All of us here will do our best to help you in any way we can. Your dad needs to know that miracles happen every day, and he just might be one of them. He CAN fight this !! He needs to stand strong against this beast for himself and his family.
Please come back often and keep us posted. We are sending your a {{{{{{{{{{{ GROUP HUG}}}}}}}}} for support along with many prayers.
Love to all,
Marylou
- By lucy56
- Posted October 26, 2009 at 3:43 pm
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immamama, maybe if you can get your dads pain under control and he starts feeling better you could get him to see someone about treatment Sandy's right your dad maybe from the old school and still remembers the horror stories he heard about cancer treatment and how sick people got only to live a extra few weeks and die in misery anyway its not like that anymore there is hope treatment is doable and your dad sounds like a tough man no one knows how well they will responed to treatment tell your dad that he maybe stage 4 but thats just a number there are many stage 4 people on this site and they are living life to the fullest. ln the end you know your dad better than any of us and in your heart you will know when he has made up his mind no matter what just support each other love each other and let us know how you make out.
Lucy
- By D1
- Posted October 26, 2009 at 4:06 pm
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Sending you and your Dad prayers to find courage and the proper path. D
- By Through-God
- Posted October 26, 2009 at 4:19 pm
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Hi I'm so sorry to of your news I know how scared you are cus I'm also new to this. And don't know much, look up Meridian medical group Dr. Chang I made an appointment for my mom. Be as strong as you can....hug your father and let him know how much you love him and ask him to please try...remind him that God is in charge not the doctors. I'll pray for your dad, please pray for my mom.
Luv and blessings
Natsai
- By immamama
- Posted October 26, 2009 at 5:23 pm
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Texas Oncology in Ft. Worth called and he has an appt. Wed. morning. :)
Daddy isn't mad at God. He knows he did this to himself (his words, not mine) he has smoked his entire life and all that. He is a little too comfortable with all this. He said he's ready to go to Heaven.
- By immamama
- Posted October 26, 2009 at 5:27 pm
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BTW he doesn't seem to be in much pain today. He is taking his medicine regularly now. I told him he has to to manage the pain. You can't wait till you are in pain to take it or it won't help a bit.
- By Sherryraleigh
- Posted October 26, 2009 at 10:17 pm
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It might help to read Justins Story on this site.
- By Beenthere
- Posted October 26, 2009 at 10:42 pm
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Hi, the best thing I can tell you is just try and get him a second opinion. If the doctor says yes all that he has been told is true, then please accept it and please accept your dad's wishes. Is it possible for him not to know he was sick?? Yes, for a friend of mine lost her 42 year old mother last year to stage IV adrenal cancer which she never knew she had until she started coughing one morning and coughed so hard she thought she blew her lung out. Radiation and Chemo bought her 2 months. Maybe your Dad just does not want you to see how sick they get and since chemo and radiation kill good and bad cells, he could go down hill rapidly. Good luck, and my prayers are with you.
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