I met with Dr. Doom today (my pessimistic surgeon). It's been 3 weeks since my lobectomy and my surgeon wanted to see me and check everything out. He really worried me because he said that it's very "worrisome" that the cancer barely responded to the chemo and radiation. He's hoping the lobectomy did the trick, but he wanted to remind me that "most people do not have a favorable outcome even with surgery". He has told me this repeatedly. I don't understand WHY he feels the need to remind me that I will not likely survive this. Can someone explain this to me???
PLEASE... Anyone out there with stage IIIa that is still alive whose tumors/lymphnodes did not respond well to chemo/radiation, but had the lobectomy - let me know you are still alive!!!!
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Meeting with Dr. Doom
- By TamiO
- Posted October 16, 2009 at 5:54 pm · 15 replies
- In Non-small cell lung cancer - Stage III
- Shared with the public
Explore topics in this discussion:
Cancer Surgery Palliative care Depression Lung cancer Stroke
15 replies
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- By MarionW
- Posted October 16, 2009 at 6:38 pm
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TamiO, What a dork! At any rate, I went into surgery as 1a and came out 3a in 4/07. They removed my entire right lung and I had no chemo or radiation before or after surgery. I am still here and so far no recurrence.
I was 58 at the time of surgery You are much younger than I was.
I know we are all different but it sounds like they covered all bases with you. They did tell me the surgery was the only cure.
I am so grateful that I love and trust my doctors- they are often much more optimistic than I am as I am a worrier.
Maybe you would do better with a different doc? I would be scared to death if my docs were speaking that way to me.
I think you are going to be fine and will send my daily prayers your way. Take Care!
- By GitarGrl
- Posted October 16, 2009 at 6:45 pm
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My Mom doesn't have the same thing, but she does apparently have the same damned surgeon! He's a very loud man and very opinionated, which is a good thing in a surgeon, I guess. You wouldn't want a wishy-washy person in the operating room, but his bedside manner is HORRIBLE!
I deliberately asked him NOT to tell my Mom that they'd found cancer during the VATS surgery until we could be there with her. She was in ICU and they have these crappy visiting hours. Well, the jerk went in there and told her while she was stuck there all alone all morning until they'd let us in to see her. I'm still fuming at that JERK! It just so happens that the next doctor appointment is the follow-up with him next week. I may just give him a piece of my mind if I can do it out of my Mom's hearing. She'd be appalled but he needs to know his behavior was not cool.
Luckily her pulminologist is one of the sweetest, kindest human beings we've ever had the good fortune to meet. He's not as involved at this point, but she looks forward to her appointments with him. The oncologist is new, but he seems very sympathetic and hopefully he's as good as she thinks he is. I'm just not looking forward to seeing that surgeon again. :(
I hope you can find better doctors for the rest of your team than your surgeon. I tend to think that surgeons are only happy if they can cut something out of a person completely. If it takes more than surgery, they don't seem to want to deal. With any luck your oncologist will have much better news for you. Best of luck to you. You have my best wishes for getting better every day!
- By Barb267
- Posted October 16, 2009 at 6:47 pm
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I was just like Marion, went in 1a, came out 3a. Had no chemo before surgery, had ULL then radiation and chemo. My surgeon and oncologist have both told me that because of the surgery, my outcome is soooooo much better then if I didn't have the surgery. I would let him know that his pessimistic attitude doesn't help with your attitude and a positive attitude is what you need to keep kicking cancers butt.
By the way, I was Dx April 6 this year. First set of scans post chemo are next Friday.
Blessings
Barb
- By Munker
- Posted October 16, 2009 at 6:59 pm
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I have come to the conclusion that surgeon's should stick to operating and keep their mouths shut! Mine was an ahole too! You need to go to an oncologist.
- By jazzbo
- Posted October 16, 2009 at 9:41 pm
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Hi Tami, take a breath and relax. OK now remember I said this , That was the last breath you will waste on this SOB.
I am a 10 yr 3A NSCLC survivor who had chemo and radiation. The chemo only held the tumor at the size it was to begin with, The radiation worked and fried up my right lung. The surgery renoved the two lower lobes of mt rt lung and the infected nodes.
After surgery , nothing. I have been round the block since then but some how NED since. Heck I had a TIA (mini stroke) less than a month ago and yet I'm still here.
I'm here very much alive and well! You can do it! These docotrs you will encounter along the way. The way I handled this then and now was I would ask people , nurses,doctors, anyone who was the best in a field. Then I went with them and if they were a SOB I stayed with them because they were the best! I didn't need them to hold my hand just cure me and get me on to the next great doc. I didn't marry any on the way. The way I looked at it was that they got paid to do their job and darn well I'm sure. Me, I was just another peice of meat to them, not all but some , and that was OK. Everyone needs a paycheck. I take care of my customers and I do take care of people I like more than not. So you need to cajole some of them. Lets face it you want something from them that they have. Be nice even if it kills you! People respond to flattery. Just make sure he or she is worth the dating your going to have to do. It pays off ,it really does. If it doesn't move on. No harm ,no foul just move on and look for a better one.
You'll be fine. Your surgery is done and you won't need him anymore. Go heal yourself and don't waste any energy on him. Take care, John
- By miracle_b
- Posted October 16, 2009 at 9:48 pm
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TamiO
omg girl i cant believe the nerve of that doc mayb its time to find another one!! i believe u'll be fine and have many yrs left and indeed be NED! jst dont let him discourage u continue to fight be strong and have faith and mostly thank god for all hes done all he hasnt done and all he is guna do for u! a special prayer for u tonite my friend! god bless by the way i like yur pic yur beautiful hunn!!
- By cuddles53
- Posted October 16, 2009 at 9:55 pm
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Oh mY goodness lady get another doctor, who in hell do they think they are talking too, idiots! I can't believe how they talk to you like that, how is that supposed to make you feel, happy? Maybe confident and secure and safe? What an ass, pardon my mouth, I don't usually swear, but this gets me so mad. I apologize to you for this idiots words. I don't know who died and left him God, he suddenly knows you won't make it? How would he know what God has planned for you, or for him for that matter, he could get killed on his way home for work god forbid!
I think you should tell him you are going to look for someone who offers more hope to their patients, I can't see how his words could possibly benefit you or anything by him saying that, can you? Not one thing good can come out of what he said.
Now you listen to me. I am gonna tell you something and you are to get his words out of your pretty little head. I am 3 year, and 8 month survivor of stage iV, non small cell. I was told I would only live 12 to 15 months with treatment. I didn't, I lived on and,on, and am still in a remission.
My husband had small cell and it was extensive, he was given 3 months, he lived 6 years, and then said he was cured! Cured, do you believe it after telling him to get his funeral arranged? Another nice doctor he had was that one. He survived the cancer, but did died of another problems.
so, don't let his words discourage you. You have come a long way, and will continue to go on a long way. There are sensitivity tests that can be done on your type of tumor, and it will tell them what chemo will kill your cancer, has he told you about this yet? If not, all the more of a reaon you need another doctor. Get yourself now, a good lung cancer oncologist. One who specializes in lung cancer, not all cancers.
There are vaccines in the trials right now which are good and coming out soon. I am praying for you a remission to come, until the cure comes out.
God bless Sandy
- By linnea
- Posted October 17, 2009 at 10:12 am
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Maybe you need to remind your surgeon that he's not getting out of here alive either.
I would be very annoyed with anyone who talked to me that way at a time in my life when I was just looking for any sliver of hope I could find. So, ultimately, ignore his lack of courtesy and common sense and know that many of us here are past our "expiration" dates.
I'm closing in on 5 years and I am stage IV. Stay strong and hopeful and if it makes you feel better, tell people when you find their attitude unhelpful. Otherwise, ignore them. Take care, Linnea
- By TamiO
- Posted October 17, 2009 at 10:34 am
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Thank you all so much for your posts. I already feel better. Fortunately, I have wonderful oncologists and a pulmonary specialist. I spoke to all of them about switching surgeons back when I fist met Dr. Doom and he told me, in response to my first diagnosis tears, "Well, Tami, we all die someday".
They all told me he was the best surgeon in my area, with the worst bedside manner. (I even heard by way of another doctor that Dr. Doom "has no soul". )They suggested I let him do the surgery because my tumor was in a very difficult spot and he was the best man for the job. But NOW, I AM DONE WITH HIM. I just need to put his comments out of my mind.
I go back to my oncologist on Monday to start chemo, and he is wonderful, smart, godly man. Thank you again! You have all been very helpful.
- By hanmarmax
- Posted October 17, 2009 at 12:02 pm
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Hi Tami:
For some reason(don't know why) I think a lot of cardio/thoracic surgeons don't have the best bedside manners...with them I think you just want the best man/woman for the job and then you're pretty much done w/them. More important to have a great oncologist, esp. if they specialize in lung cancer. That said I was told I was a 3b after surgery...they've changed the staging guidelines, so I'm sorta a 2b now, but am doing great after surgery. Hopefully, they are testing your tumor, for mutations etc, so if at some point you need to go on some other treatment(esp if the last chemo/rad. didn't work) that you'll have a better understanding of what would work on you.
xoLisa
- By barbaray
- Posted October 17, 2009 at 12:12 pm
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I agree with John and Lisa's replies, pointing that the best surgeons are not known for their kindness or bedside manners, but for amazing skill under pressure.
This is not to excuse "Dr. Doom," because who would? --but to understand. It takes a certain kind of mind to operate on people day after day, and not give in to despair or depression.
B
- By Granny888
- Posted October 17, 2009 at 8:21 pm
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Barely responded isn't the same as won't respond -- it is not unusual to loose ground with one chemo only to come up roses with another. Have you even been sick long enough to try them ALL? What is the story there?
As far as Dr. Doom, I call mine Dr. Negative but we still have productive conversations. That's the bottom line, he has reminded me, in the past (not lately!!!) that I am on palliative care and we'll talk about options but he pretty much lets me make the choice, and I have the ability to insist, as do all patients, on a choice (or go elsewhere if I had to, I haven't had to).
He knows I intend to live a while and he has reminded me I should lose weight and be more active if I intend to live -- the more 'normal' your life the better your chances.
Some just seem to have more experience with dying patients than living patients -- do they ever stop and think it's partly THEIR outlook which helps their patients have THEIR outlooks and behaviors which directly affects the outcome? I think more need to understand that there's a connection. I also know of SOME patients who insist on a prognosis, and if that's what the doctor is used to that's what he gives.
To volunteer it or keep reminding you is not good. Some believe we can be overly optimistic -- it does help to have a realistic grip on your mortality as someone said (sorry the name is escaping me). But being realistic doesn't mean being pessimistic.
There are survivors here from all stages.
- By kq182
- Posted October 18, 2009 at 2:44 pm
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I think that surgeons should not be allowed to talk to their patients!!! Most of the good surgeons are a-holes, with NO BEDSIDE manner, but what is important is they are excellent at surgery, so from my experience with surgeons, you will not get a pep-talk, just a good surgery, and really that is what you want. So ignore what they say and let them operate, which is really all most of them do well. Do not take it personaly, it happens everyday when they open their mouths to speak to their patients!!! Karen
- By betsie1111
- Posted October 19, 2009 at 11:07 am
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God, I am SO SICK of of these doctors who seem to do nothing more then take away hope. My first pul. doc wouldn't even look me in the eyes but had no problem in telling me I'd be dead by Christmas of the year I was diagnosed. He offered no hope, nothing so I fired him and got a new one. I'm heading towards 2 years now. Hope is SO important in our recovery, as important as the treatment. Get rid of him! This is our life and until doctors realize that we are human and we have feelings, to hell with them. There are plenty more where they came from.
- By jmichelle
- Posted October 31, 2009 at 12:57 pm
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Put what he said out of your mind and surround yourself with POSITIVE people who are willing to fight for your life! Doctors like that infuriate me! That's all I can say right now....
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