I looked after my beautiful father while he suffered lung cancer and watched him suffer until he passed away. I showered him, I rushed to him from work when my mum called to say he had slipped down his chair and I loved him more and more each day when he watched me with his loving eyes and even when I hurt him he never called out or hurt me. On the day he fell into a coma I kissed his head and promised him I would look after Mum so that he could go in peace. He passed away soon after. Since that time I have not been well and I cant seem to get my life back. I had a breakdown after his funeral and I haven't been able to work since then. This was seven years ago and all I have done is write a poem for The Anti cancer council Arts program. I will attach a copy under my discussion. This illness touches every part of my life and all since then it has been one death after another which has kept me frightened of every day. When will this be over. I used to love life and have a great sense of humour.
Its as if I died the day my dad died.This is my poem for my father.
MEMORIES OF MY FATHER.
Trusting eyes,
Gentle hands,
Love abounds and gives strength.
Water falls,
Soap suds,
Loving hands to wash his body.
Taking care,
Give a kiss,
Dry with gentle rubs and caress.
Dress his body,
Wasting and sore,
Taking care to ease the pain.
Lift him up,
Muffled cry,
Into the wheelchair for a new day.
Love you Dad,
With all my heart,
I shared your suffering every day.
Peace has come,
You’ve left us now,
Your love abounds and gives us strength.
In loving memory of my father, Stanley Phillips, who died of lung cancer.
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lost and sad
- By lostandsad
- Posted June 13, 2009 at 9:55 am · 10 replies
- In Family members and caregivers
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Explore topics in this discussion:
Cancer Counseling Falls Anxiety Pain Memory Depression Lung cancer
10 replies
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- By LTLCS
- Posted June 13, 2009 at 11:20 am
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I am so sorry you lost your father 7 years ago. I lost my father 39 years ago from lung cancer and I still have days where I wish he were here with me. I was 17 when he passed and he was the man in my life! But I know he's in a good place and I am comforted knowing he is okay and with my mother and sister and my son and his brothers, etc., etc.,
Have you thought of getting some grief counseling or have you checked out our Grieving Board. Here is the website: http://www.inspire.com/groups/bereavement/
It sounds to me like you could honestly benefit from maybe talking to a professional who works with people dealing with there Grief.
I am NOT trying to chase you away, but I really think your in need of someone who can help you deal with your grief after all this time. I believe a professional would be the best for you.
Warm & Gentle Hugs,
Connie
- By beckylynn
- Posted June 13, 2009 at 6:35 pm
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Lost and Sad that was a very beautiful poem.
When we lost my mom my oldest sister would cry and cry. I think she felt she never got to say goodbye. I would tell her Pam - mom wouldn't want you to cry over her. She would want you to remember the good times and cherish the times you did have together. We are only crying for ourselves. By the end of our discussion we'd be laughing about something that mom had said.
Remember you dad lives inside you. He will always be a part of you and he is watching over you now and wants you to be happy and remember him when he was well. You did the right thing being there for him and your mom just like they did when they raised you. It's good to talk about it and know your dad would want you to carry on your life to the fullest.
It is difficult to get your mind back on track after a devasting loss and it's ok to consider taking proziac or something similiar and see if it will help. My aunt who lost her husband back in '03 is on a low dose of proziac she said she really can enjoy life now that she's on it. Before she was sad and lonely without my uncle. See if your doctor will give you a prescription for it and see if it will help you.
Becky
- By peyz33
- Posted June 13, 2009 at 8:53 pm
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My heart hurts for you - it is very hard to recover from such a loss - but is this what your Dad would want for you? 7 years is a long time to feel "dead" inside - you need to get some help - there is no shame in reaching out for help - I see a wonderful shrink - who - I truly believe had helped me so much - you need to reach out - to a professional. Life is so precious - any one of us here would love those 7 years - don't let another day go by without realizing how lucky you are to be ALIVE - the path you are on can not lead to anywhere that is good or healthy for you - please get some help.
Karen
- By lostandsad
- Posted June 13, 2009 at 9:20 pm
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Sorry if my discussion was not full of all information. Part of my illness is anxiety but I have been seeing a wonderful psychiatrist and even more desperately a hypnotherapist. I have been on massive doses of anti depressants and sleepers but still have nightmares. This is because I have not been able to return to a normal life that I had before. I get interviews but my age and anxiety shine through and I am not successful. I love working but no one will give me a go so that is why I am still here. lostand sad.
- By lostandsad
- Posted June 13, 2009 at 9:24 pm
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Becky, thank you for your kind words. One of my problems is that I am too soft hearted and things really get to me. I have an older sister who is the opposite, as hard as nails but even how I feel now I would not like to be like her.The three weeks I looked after my dad was the hardest and the most wonderful, I am so glad he died quickly and have no regrets for his death, my issue is that my life has stood still too and I have nothing in my life to take the memories away.
lostandsad
- By sheilake
- Posted June 13, 2009 at 9:42 pm
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Thanks for sharing. It feels like your reaching out on this site is an indication that you are finally ready to move on. It's too bad you can't trade some of your compassion and softness for your sister's teflon. It does sound like that would serve you well. It is hard to do a good job at work if you are easily dashed.
My hopes for you is that you decide you really want to live. That is what your Dad would want for you.
My very best
Sheila
- By indianaann
- Posted June 13, 2009 at 9:57 pm
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You know sometimes when we lose someone we love we think our lives will never be the same again but somehow we pull through that wall of grief and we go on. I know because I also lost my daddy 6 years ago next week. The time went bye so fast that before I knew what was happening I found out the first year had gone bye. I cried and felt really down and my mom helped me through it. My dad had a brain tumor and I was his favorite kid out of 6 everyone always knew that. On the days that you think you can't get through it just tell yourself you can and each day will get a little easier. Now my mom is dying of lung cancer and I am going through this again , once again she is my best friend and I am dealing with her getting worse every day. You will be able to be happy again, just deal with each day as it comes and you will be ok, Take care, my prayers are with you. Ann
- By brooklynda
- Posted June 15, 2009 at 8:36 am
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I know how it feels to lose a father from lung cancer. I am a lung cancer survivor whose father passed away from this disease many years ago. As others have mentioned, I will never forget my father, nor has my love for him diminished in any way. At one time I think I believed that if I didn't think about him all the time his memory (or his love) would leave me and it would somehow betray him. I had to come to the point where I finally realized that love is eternal. Seven years is a long time to be in such pain. The love that my father has for me wants me to be well and happy. And, yes, even after many years, I still have moments when I feel sad about him, but I am a part of him and he is a part of me always. I try to concentrate on the good memories we made together. If you cannot get a job and are in contact with professional people about your depression, maybe some volunteer work may help. Wishing you all the very best. Blessings! Brooklynda
- By janetrn
- Posted June 15, 2009 at 9:29 pm
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I lost my husband George on August 11, 2008 after one year of fighting. he was 54 and not a day goes by that I dont miss him. Thank you for the poem, Cancer is a terrible thing.
Janet
- By lostandsad
- Posted June 15, 2009 at 10:31 pm
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Still very sad but determined to turn my life around. It must have been so hard losing your husband, mine is the reason for my depression, a bit of a high spender when I am out of work. All the best to everyone and happiness to all.
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