A couple of recent posts by others have got me thinking more about the impact that lung cancer has on our lives. It's a topic that my husband and I have been discussing quite a bit in recent weeks -- mainly because we are often struggling to deal with this impact. I thought that it might be useful to start this thread and see if others are sharing the same feelings. I'll post my own take on the situation in the first reply and invite others to post their own thoughts too.
-bev
Just a bit of background before I write anything more. My husband has NSCLC (stage IV), and has just finished with his second line of chemo (he had to discontinue it due to too many problems with serious side effects). So far, he has had two different lines of chemo and two courses of radiation.
Before all of this started last November, we were both very active hikers and paddlers spending every minute of our spare time out on lakes or along hiking trails through the back country across eastern Canada. Now, we're literally "tied" to the cancer center for chemo and radiation treatments. We can't really leave the area due to treatment schedules as well as various medical complications such as those that have put my husband in the hospital for several days twice over the past three weeks (bad side effects from Taxotere).
Further, my husband is just not able to get around the way he used to do, so it has been a real blow to his well-being to be stuck in the house so much. He can walk okay, but chemo treatments have left him fatigued and now short of breath due to some lingering side effects.
We've always been very independent and have spent our entire lives off on our own, but now that we are caught up in Cancer World, we are driving into the city to see doctors or have tests or treatments -- or having home care nurses coming into our home at least a couple of days out of every week. For "lone wolf" people like us, this has actually been one of the most difficult changes to accept.
Of course, we appreciate all of the care and treatments, but we can't help but feel frustrated and stressed by the impact that all of this has had on our lives. We definitely live with a constant feeling of "invasion" -- as though our world has been "invaded" by cancer and all that comes with it. This is one aspect of having cancer that I don't think many people consider -- that it is not just the disease that you live with, but all of the baggage that goes with it -- along with the worry -- all kinds of worry from worrying that the cancer is growing, to dealing with bad side effects from treatments, to worrying about finances such as how the high cost of gas and parking, good foods to maintain weight, medical aids such as wheelchairs, canes, an oximeter, blood pressure cuff, etc.. are eating into your budget.
From a care giver's perspective, it's been pretty difficult for me too. I've gone from having a partner who shared very equally in the work load around our farm, to having to do groceries, errands, all of the driving, house and property maintenance on my own. I also take care of the "worry stuff" like finances and how to make ends meet so that my husband doesn't have to deal with that stuff. I do all of the "cancer research" and talking with my husband's various medical teams. Before cancer, I was (and still am) a freelance photographer, but I've had to trash that part of my life and barely have time to deal with my own business in supplying photos to book and magazine publishers. Now, I spend 24 hours of my day caring for my husband, getting him to appointments, making sure he's getting all of his medications at the right times, and watching out for the kinds of problems that put him in the hospital recently. And every time we have to get to an appointment, it almost feels like I'm planning the invasion of Normandy as I try to figure out the best ways to drop off or pick him up, arrange wheelchair access when needed, etc.. It's all pretty challenging to say the least. I'm not complaining and do all of this of love and by my own free will, but it definitely does leave me feeling kind of worn down and alone at times.
Anyhow, yes, cancer truly does change your life and it's a lot to have to accept.
-bev
What ironic timing for your post. In my situation, I am the one with cancer. My husband came in the other night and saw me laying in bed and totally broke down. He started crying. I have not seen him do this since the beginning. (3/2007) He said it hit him how different things are now. I think he was somewhat in denial believing it was like the flu and would be temporary and soon gone. We are fighting a heck of a fight, but the fight goes on. He misses having his best friend along for motorcycle rides and everything else that comes up in life. It is frusterating for him not to be able to depend on me for things he used to be able to do. I never know how I will feel or if i will remember what he asked me to do.
Yes, life is definatly different now. We are learning to adjust at every bend in the road.
I wish you all the best.
Michelle
I am the one who was sick (and I use the past tense because my last PET was NED) but this illness - this cancer - has changed me in ways that I never expected. Actually - I think I am more gentle, and understanding, I am much more receptive to accepting help from others when before I was hard and way too stubborn. I am not yet able to do the "physical things" that I did with east before dx - and now I have panic/anxiety attacks that I am working thru with a therapist - but in a very real way I think this has made me a better person - My faith and belief in God is much stronger - my awareness of other's plights are more in tune - and when I ask someone "how are you" - I really mean it - where before it was just a polite way of dismissing someone - I do consider myself VERY fortunate that I do not have later stage cancer - and I count my blessings every day - I sometimes feel guilty for being ok - for being in "remission" and I know it could come back any day and I might feel differently - but TODAY I feel blessed - and in a strange way - today I believe that this cancer has made me a better person - call me crazy...
Karen
What a great topic. I am the husband and caregiver to my wife. She is 34 and stage 4 nsclc. This cancer has turned our lives upside down and we are just now starting to get back to the normal day to day living. Thinking or trying to plan anything outside of this illness has been next to impossible. Last night I asked Cathy is she wanted to go to the book store here in town and browse her favorite magazines (usually fashion & home improvement). Her response was "NO"....she said I have no interest in any of that now, I just can't get past this cancer. I understand her feelings, however, I told her she must keep a healthy attitude towards fighting this cancer and at the same time, don't let it take anything else from you. Part of the fight and I think a BIG part is going to be attitude.
If you love doing something and you are able....then do it! We didn't go to the bookstore last evening, however, for the first time since we found out about her cancer, she wanted to take a walk to the beach! She did fine and it is such a comfort to sit and watch the ocean! I'll get her to the bookstore yet!
As for me the caretaker.....I find I try to be very protective of her....perhaps too much at times. I want to be with her as much as possible. Many times I find I have to be a filter of good meaning friends who give advise on diet, supplements...etc... (Eggs are a great food while fighting cancer to Oh my.....DON'T let her eat EGGS) But I leave all decisions to her.
I guess my main point here is: Don't let cancer take the things that you Love or Love doing away from you.
When fear & sadness come into your day to day lives, push it away and move on! God has and will continue to be our strength and we find having him in our hearts keeps us positive, comforted and looking forward to tomorrow!
God Bless you all.
Bill & Cathy
I get a lot more out of my days on average than I used to. I won't say cancer has done anything positive for me - hasn't changed me as a person, made me better, kinder, etc. Cancer doesn't have that kind of power. All it can do is destroy. What has made me a better person is the acts of kindness and responses from other people around me. My belief in the goodness of people is often reaffirmed.
And cancer hasn't helped me "find my maker". I've always been an agnostic and would say this definitely pushed me over the edge into atheism. I can't stomach a god who would put so many people including children though such torture.
Warning: Long venting post
I am the caregiver to two parents with lung cancer.
My life changed dramatically forever on April 28, 2008. That's the day my parents' internist called with the news that my parents had suspicious spots. I was in the bathtub when my mom came in and told me. As soon as she left the bathroom, I sat and cried.
Since then, I have felt a lot of anger, resentment, sadness, fear, hope. My family has caused the negative feelings in me. I have My family is very unappreciative of what I do. My brothers don't take an active role but are quick to criticize. My middle brother complains if he has to do something on his day off. My oldest brother acts like it is a sin if anyone ask him to do something for my dad, like cut his toenails. My youngest brother calls in but when you need him, he doesn't bother to return calls. Mom ells my two younger brothers that it is OK for the kids to come over. I am the one who has to make sure they get fed and bathed. I have to get on to them about stuff. I haven't had a chance to straighten my room up in awhile so my nieces decided to have a field day while I was gone. I could figure out what mess was mine and what was there.. I know. :) My nieces were using my bed because we have no bed space here anymore since one of my brothers moved in (and I don't see the point of that except to let him have his kids this summer). It gets old.
My dad is very demanding. In fact, it gets him in trouble with the rest of the family. My dad is a lot like his dad... He expects me to be at his beck and call... His dad did that to his wife and kids. I am starting to see that my mom is becoming more demanding. I can spend an hour or more at the grocery store and she will do nothing but complain that I got the wrong thing. My mom's sister-in-law has offered to pay for a cleaning service to come in every other week. We finally got that started this past week. My mom was not too bad. We just have a couple of things that need to be done in a certain way. Whenever I've had a chance to clean, I have noticed things that have not been done in a long time. My mom did not work much outside of the home. Very difficult people to please at times.
My friends are the ones who really watch out for me. It's not my family that does. My family acts like it is a big deal when I go out my friends on the weekends. The other night I got the third degree about going out.
The male members have fought me on having a volunteer come in once a week. My niece and her husband just happened to come by yesterday and offer to hang out with my parents for awhile without me even asking. I went out to eat and to a baseball game last night. I didn't get any calls. LOL I had my friends come sit on the deck for awhile after the game so I can spend more time with them. If it were not for my friends, I would be going nuts now.
Kristi
Karen,
Never guilty about your NED....or the fact that your cancer was early stage. It gives us hope to see someone fight this fight and win!
God be with you!
Bill & Cathy
Marciagreer,
Please take a look at a book by C.S. Lewis called "Mere Christianity".
Bill & Cathy
Hi Kristi,
I have some thoughts about every reply that has been posted to this thread, but this one is for you. You may be able to identify with some of what follows, and perhaps find that you are not alone with what has happened. Many young and not-so-young people are thrust into similar situations -- and there is an incredible unfairness to all of it. You are a great daughter for trying to deal with what is truly and impossible situation.
In 1998-9, I was in a somewhat similar position to you. My Dad was diagnosed with kidney cancer in autumn '98. He had a small manufacturing business that was based in his home and which supported he and my Mom as well as my youngest brother. I have a "middle brother" who lived 1,000 miles away at the time. I was the oldest in my family and lived about 30 miles away on my farm with my husband. At the time, I was a freelance writer under a one year contract, writing a large set of teaching manuals for a client. When my Dad was diagnosed with cancer, I became very involved in his medical care, but also took over the actual physical production of his company so that he could get product shipped out to support his household. That continued for several months while he recovered from surgery to remove his kidney. However, within just a few months, the disease had spread to other organs and he went into decline. I cared for him through end stage cancer as he wanted to die at home. I continued to run his business to keep cash flow coming in to run my parent's household (I kept that up for a couple of years after his death). During all of this time, I really had to scramble to keep up with my writing contract or I would have been in a lot of trouble -- probably sued for not completing it. I was under intense pressure from a lot of sides. My Mom, much as I love her a great deal, couldn't seem to accept my Dad's illness. We were offered palliative care through the system that exists here in Canada, but she would have none of it. She didn't want anyone coming into her home, so I ended up having to move to my parents' house and care for my Dad 24 hours a day, get him to the hospital for what turned out to be futile chemo treatments, etc... I wish my Mom had been more willing to allow for more home care help as I believe it would have made things better for all of us.
The other problems that went on at the time were that my younger brothers couldn't deal with my Dad's cancer at all. The youngest who worked with my Dad in the family business started staying away from my parents' house for days on end. My other brother kept calling and asking me to let him know when Dad took a turn for the worse so that he could fly home to "be with him". I "goofed" on this about a week (a false alarm) before my Dad died, and he came home, but Dad rallied and my brother left and went back to work. A week later, I called my brother again to say that I thought this really was my Dad's time, and my brother yelled at me on the phone and told me to stop calling him every time I thought Dad was getting sicker because he was busy and couldn't just fly home each time (this was only the second time I had called, so it wasn't like I was bugging him). It turned out that I was right about my Dad the second time and he died about 5 minutes before my brother flew in and took a taxi straight to the house.
I have to say that, in many ways, I was devastated as much by how my family -- a relatively functional family -- behaved during the weeks leading up to my Dad's passing. It took me awhile to get beyond that, to a place where I no longer felt some anger. I think it helped when a friend, who is the supervising nurse of a large care center, told me that many families act this way when dealing with serious illness, and that they've seen just about everything -- especially reactions such as my brother you yelled at me on the phone. I've come to accept all of what happened and have tried to put it behind me.
Now, I'm once again dealing with this damned illness with my husband, who was my rock through my father's illness -- his dad died from kidney cancer 4 years before my dad got the same cancer. This time, I really have no one to support me as my mother is now quite old, and my brothers are doing their own thing in other places. My husband's family have behaved in a very odd way and have been unsupportive. I'm relying largely on my own past experiences to cope with everything. It's not easy, but we must carry on because there is no other way.
Anyhow, do know that you're not alone. What you are dealing with is being repeated everywhere across the continent and beyond. It is why we need a cure for all of these cancers.
take care,
bev
Hi, Have the people on this site reached out to you with kindness and best wishes? I'm sure many have said they'll say prayers for you.
I have Stage IV non-small cell lung cancer w/bone mets, and the only peace I can find is my belief in God. He does not cause cancer, but he does get us through.
You talk about traveling with your children, what a blessing that would be for some of us. The kind words and caring from others, what a blessing! I hope you continue to receive such blessings.
I don't want to sound like a loon or anything, but I think cancer has changed my life in a positive way, and although I am not a very religious person, I think God played a big part in this.
For the last 15 years, my insurance was an HMO. Starting January 1, our company got rid of all HMOs and went to Blue Cross/Blue Shield PPOs (I was diagnosed on January 3).
Regulations changed in the industry I worked in and starting this year, we cancelled all of our client meetings and events. Our company also had some financial issues and all of our in-house events were cancelled. I was the meeting and event manager, and my whole job was client meetings and events and corporate meetings and events, so most of my job responsibilities disappeared.
If I had to be diagnosed with this horrible disease, timing couldn't be better.
I've learned to appreciate my husband a lot more and also my friends and family. My husband and I spend so much more time together and I make sure I make time for my friends. I keep busy and live my life instead of working all of the time (I used to be a workaholic), and spend less time on the computer (yeah, can't you tell, haha).
I used to be such an intense person that if someone I knew stood up for themselves at a restaurant or a hotel or store, they'd tell me "they pulled a Susan". Now, I'm a lot more patient and have learned to pick my battles. I've become (I hope) a kinder, gentler person (though I do occassionally revert back to my old self but I try to catch myself when I do).
I really try to live life more fuller than I had before. Yes, I have less energy and am tired more often, and some days I just don't feel well, but when I do, I try not to let life pass me by.
I am sad sometimes when I think of things in the future I may miss, but I hope that I will still be able to see them from Heaven if I'm lucky enough to get there. I also hope that I can act as a guardian angel of some sort to my nieces and nephews and other loved ones.
So, although I hate having cancer, I don't really feel that this experience is too negative. I may not have had the opportunity for my new life without it.
Susan
I have to say that I think this is the most REALISTIC thread I have read since I found this website, and the most helpful to me. The other night I emailed a supportive friend across the country and asked why it was that "everyone" seems to have a husband/family that was "a rock" and I who am the sick one,seem to be supporting myself and everyone else in my family. Except for my daughter and her family who live and works in China, my sons and their families seem to feel it should be *business as usual* for me and become ticked off if I can't/don't conform to their expectations of me. I now know that I am not alone in this problem. That is good, however I find it exceptionally sad that others go through the same thing............M.C.
M.C.
I don't think you're at all alone as far as how your family is behaving. I think that some members of families deal with their fears by pretending that there is nothing wrong and everything is just business as usual. Above, where I wrote of how my husband's family has been acting very odd (most of them have never even called on the phone and none have visited even though we all live within about a 30 mile radius), I should probably have mentioned that most of them acted odd when their father was diagnosed with kidney cancer back in 1994. Basically, when their father became ill, some of them couldn't handle it and didn't go to see him at the end when he was in the hospital. My husband was pretty much the only one who seemed able to handle it and was with his mom when his dad passed away. I see his family's current inability to deal with his cancer as more of the same -- I suppose "wimpyness" might be a good way of describing it. Fortunately, as mentioned above, having spoken to my nurse friend who has a lot of experience with this stuff (notifying families about deaths and illnesses of parents, etc..), I'm no longer too surprised when people behave weirdly and can't deal with cancer, don't call, ignore the whole thing, etc... Whatever their problem, it does leave some of us with very little in the way of tangible support. I probably get my greatest support from a couple of close friends who live on the other side of the continent, but who keep in close touch by email and occasional phone calls. Also, my mom who calls every evening. We don't have children, so it's just the two of us, but that's okay -- we're coping okay.
-bev
Bev,
You are so right! My best friend had quite an ordeal with her mom... Her brother who lives here refused to help her out. My friend ended up in the hospital 18 months ago for atrial fib. My brothers live locally... one here at the house and the other two are less than 15 mins. away. I have been kind of watching my brothers... I think that they at the very least in a small degree of denial about the seriousness of the situation. My mom accused me back in June of being in denial about my dad's condition... She told me that she thought that anything I did for him showed that I thought that he was going to get better. What planet is she on?? My dad cannot exist without some assistance. It's all about comfort and compassion. I am very real about it.... I know my dad is going to die from his SCLC since it is extensive. He has reduction now but once his treatment stops, his cancer will come back. Dad may get some quality time but it is going to ultimately take his life.
My mom's cousin came to visit back in June and decided to tell me what I and my friends needed to do. My mom never really voiced her expectations to me until real recently. Needless to say, her cousin is on the outs with me. I get enough orders around here without someone 845 miles away telling my mom what I need to do. It's hard to take orders from someone whose daughters abandoned her during her own cancer treatment. I had several family members tell me that she was too bossy.
The best thing that the onc's office did was refer my dad for palliative care. :) My dad is a very impatient person.... He will not wait five minutes for me to finish something. :) I just kind of roll my eyes and shake my head. He's been a fall risk for quite sometime. He uses a walker to get around the house. When he is at appts., Dad uses his wheelchair. He loves to comment on my driving of it. :) He fell getting out of bed yesterday morning. My mom is insistent that there be a bench by the bed at night for one of the dogs to use to get in and out of bed. I have decided to get the bench out of the way due to my dad's fall. I will buy a set of pet stairs that can be placed at the end of the bed and the dog could learn to use those. :)
Kristi
Wow, these stories are all amazing. It has made me realize even more how BLESSED I am.
I have to say my faith in God has increased dramatically during this past year. I should not be sitting here typing this. I carry that with me all the time. Each moment is now precious to me. I used to be a Type A workaholic. I can now let go of the computer and my work and relax and enjoy time with my kids. I used to feel guilty and torn all the time if my kids wanted to play with me. I take the time to spend with my husband, who has been my rock through this. I honestly don't know what I would have done without him by my side this past year. He looks at me like I'm crazy every time I say that. He just did what he thought he should do. He doesn't realize many husbands hit the road when the going gets rough like we've had this past year. And here we go again with another surgery and recuperation starting on Wednesday. Yet, he is my strength.
I think what has amazed me in all this is how MY cancer has affected all my friends and family. People who I didn't think really would care have come up to me and hugged me and expressed how much they love me. Just tonight at church several people came up and gave me hugs to encourage me that shocked me. When we spent time with my husband's family at Christmas, every prayer included a prayer about me getting well and beating this demon. When I heard my brother-in-law pray, I started sobbing. He got emotional while he was praying for me and it tore me up. I expected it to affect my parents, brothers, husband and children. Not everyone else. My girlfriends ... when I posted we had found another mass two weeks ago ... several of them just posted that they didn't have words to express their dismay at my news. They have rallied around me and made me feel so strong...even at my weakest times.
Cancer has truly changed my life. I have a new reality. It's not a bad reality (except at times like this when I'm facing another surgery), but a different reality. It's a reality my daughter will never know otherwise. She turned five in April and she will never remember Mommy before cancer. That makes me sad, but then I think I can use that to make her life better, and our lives as a family better.
Lorie
this is a very interesting post. Hmmm how has lung cancer changed our lives. If I were to rewind back to this time last yr I was 23 yrs old, living in a one bedroom apartment with my cat. Visiting my parents at least every other day. Working fulltime at a law firm and had a passion to be an attorney. Carrying a 4.0 in college and just living the single life. Not partying but able to have friends over to just watch a movie or what not. My mom and i were best friend. Did everything together and talked many times a day on the phone. Mom well she was running the family autobody repair business, dad of course doing the work mom working the books. Her kids and grand kids were what she lived for. She was always out in the flower bids and hated winter cause she couldnt be working with the flowers. Then came Jan 08 dx. At first not much changed. I stayed with her a few weeks to help her recover from surgery then went back home to my apartment. Feb came the spread to the brain dx and I instantly without a thought put in my 30 day notice and moved home with mom. Of course this was before i found this site and i thought the worse. I took 2 mo fmla leave to help mom recover from brain surgery and to get her to WBR everyday. In april i went back to work. Was only there a month before i had to get mom into the hospital from mal nutrition and while i was gone this time they terminated my employment because i no longer had time to take. So how had lung cancer changed our lives. I am now living with my parents, unemployed, a college drop out and no longer inspire to be an attorney. I fear life everyday that i'm gonna find the worse. On many days i feel like I have no life. My relationship with my mom is not as good. she contantly yells at me and blames me for so much. She lashes out and tells me to leave her alone. Has many times told me that if she dies it is because of me. That is were I lose it. I cant handle those days because i still so badly want MY mom back, the mom before LC. But some good things have come, i now inspire to go back to college for nursing. I want to help others in this situation find hope. I also found an amazing boyfriend out of this mess. The one person who has been my strength on those bad days and my retreat when i just need to refresh my mind. Mom has been destroyed. It took much convincing yesterday to get her outside. she cant eat, in pain and just cant find the strength to get out of bed. She fears the worse and somehow lost all the hope i've showed her from this site. Its a work in progress on picking her back up. LC is truely evil. The family at first became really close. my brothers were over all the time. Now my brothers stay away because they themselves are heartbroken seeing mom the way she is. They've dumped the weight of the world on my shoulders and i'm lucky if i get a hey sis thanks for taking care of her. When i was a child i used to here about lung cancer being from smokin and i had many nightmares that my mom would get lung cancer. Now i feel like im living a never ending nightmare
This is an interesting post/query. First, I think that cancer changes the lives of both the patient and the caregiver, but in very different ways. Cancer is definitely a turning point, and like with everything else, there are both good and bad aspects to the change.
Selfishly, I miss our old life. I miss being happy. I miss traveling all over the world with few cares. I miss taking life and our future for granted. I've traded incredible happiness for FEAR....
My husband is very proud, and he has elected to keep his lung cancer a secret. It's his secret pride that no one knows.....not his family, not his friends, not our neighbors, not his employer. If anyone suspected the truth, they wouldn't dare ask. His secrecy has made the entire situation more isolating for us. When people say how are you, and you glibly say fine.....Under the circumstances, it borders on insane.
But, there's something smart about keeping it a secret, too. My husband absolutely believes that sick people are 'cut from the herd.' He didn't want to be cut from the herd; so, he kept his secret. Oh, he took a leave from work and told them that he couldn't travel due to a pulmonary embolism, and this was TRUE. He did get a P.E. after surgery. However, he left out the details: the lung cancer and the chemo. Call us crazy, we paid $5000 for a wig that almost duplicated his hair, just so he could get out of the house. The chemo/wig days were a horror. After his hair grew back, he got a buzz cut. Again, if people suspected anything, they didn't dare ask.
My husband was dx Stage 1 B.....his surgery was successful. The Adjuvant Chemo was an insurance policy. And, now we live scan to scan; we just passed the 18 mos. scans. I think about cancer every day as you can tell from my visits to this site. I research it. He doesn't think about it, doesn't talk about it. Once in a while, he expresses a comment about his good fortune.
However, I see that he's more tired than he used to be and definitely less happy. He's not as social as he used to be. He loses his temper more easily. It definitely took a toll on his spirit.
As for me, after going through a crazy phase, getting every medical test known to man, I've come to feel guilty for being healthy. I had my tonsils out at 4; that's the only night I ever spent in the hospital as a patient. I've never been sick, never broken a bone. I feel guilty about that. I have a lot of energy. I can golf for 4 hrs, come home and garden for 6 hrs., then, make dinner, then work out at the Y, the work on my column ( I write for a magazine), then read a book. I have unlimited energy, and I feel guilty about that and guilty about being healthy.
I like my dots in a row. Now, I worry about our future. Sometimes, I sacrifice today worrying about tomorrow. My husband and I are so close, joined at the hip, and if he turns out to be unlucky, I could NOT survive.
I envy the people on the site who feel so close to God. Don't misunderstand: I feel God move in my life, direct me, almost like a 6th sense. However, if, ultimately, we are unlucky, I could not survive. Without my husband, life would have no meaning or purpose. I could not go on, would not want to go on.
I admire the people on this site who are so brave. My heart aches at the suffering of some.
But, there is a finish line for all of us, with or without cancer,....we just don't know when or where it is. Once someone gets a dx. of cancer, even if they get well and stay well, they know to finish their unfinished business. I think it makes them more philosophical. Hopefully, they stop sweating the small stuff.
I would rather be the one that died that the one that was left alone.
Bev: Thank you so very much for your response to my post. I has helped me see people in a different light and I now longer take it personally. It is them, not me as I had thought. I think you did a most wonderful thing by opening this thread. My heart breaks for so many, especially those who are so much younger than I am. ...............................M.C.
My parents are 67 and 70. I am 44. I am not able to work outside of the home at this time.
Kristi
How has lung cancer changed my life? I no longer have a father. He passed away on 5/20/08 at age 61. Almost two months ago and it is still unbelievable to me that just one year ago we were in the position of thinking, "he's going to beat this".
The day I was told of my dad's diagnosis, my life changed drastically. I couldn't believe I was hearing the word "cancer" in my family. Especially not lung cancer. Especially not extensive small cell. I immediately began researching lung cancer, as I had never really thought about it before. The statistics were unbelievable to me. The prognosis, the lack of concern for people with lung cancer, the lack of funding for research, and the list goes on. Lung cancer has caused me to become very educated. I now know that not only smokers get lung cancer (although my dad was a former smoker). People who have never smoked a day in their lives get it. People who are young get it. Lung cancer does not discriminate.
I also watched a very strong and healthy man wither away to nothing in one year. That was also unbelievable to me...how could this man, who weighed almost 260 lbs become a shadow of his former self at 120 lbs and not even be able to stand and walk without assistance? Better yet, how did he feel having to depend on others for the FIRST time in his life? Never sick a day in his life. Not even a headache and barely ever a cold. Nothing bad enough to warrant him spending an entire day on the couch, let alone months on the couch.
My family and I will never be the same since lung cancer entered our family. We now have an empty chair at holidays, birthday parties, barbeques, weddings. My mom has an empty passenger seat in her car, an empty side of her bed, an empty lounge chair at the beach...all empty spots that should be occupied by my dad.
The main thing I have learned is that you can never take life for granted and the small things in life are just not worth the worry. It's the big things in life that matter and never waste one day you have with your loved ones. I hope someday I will be able to see someone beat this....it has to happen.
To all of your who are still fighting and who have family members still fighting, I wish you all the best and will keep you in my prayers. Hopefully one of you or your loved ones will be the one who beats it!
Cheryl
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