I have to be in a bad dream....my poor mom

My mom was dx with stage iv lung cancer in sep. 08. She did 7 rounds of chemo and it was too hard on my dad to drive her back and forth. He is 66 and has the disease where his nerves are dying (very painful.) I live an hour away from them and am a single mom of two kids. I have tried so hard to help. She has been off chemo since Feb/March. She began to fall down and would curse the chemo thinking that caused her not to be able to balance. After falling about 30 times and relying on my dad to help her and being to stubborn to move in with me, she called the EMT's on Tuesday. I met my father up at the hospital and they told me the cancer had spread in her lungs. Thank god for the doctor that decided to do an MRI on her brain and spine to see if that is what caused her to not be able to balance and walk. I had asked the nurses and doctors to call me and not go and tell my mom the results if I wasn't there with her. She called me at work crying and asking me to bring my dad and come up there. We went up to the hospital to hear my mom tell us she has brain cancer as well. I knew she may have had a lesion but I didn't know what that was?? I have been online for days now, searching for answers. NO case is the same and my mom refuses to do any radiation or anymore treatment. We sat and cried together but then I was angry. I asked the nurses why no one called me. I was lucky to have one nurse go over all the results of the scans and everything with me. I was told that with the brain mets, she could go to sleep and not wake up. Even that she could wake up blind! I am a planner and trying to be strong for my mom and my father. I asked what symptoms or signs to look for. The nurses said if she complains of a headache then we know the mets are pushing or increasing in her brain. I just got off the phone with hospice and glad to hear that their insurance will cover 100% to come to my house to help. I am moving my parents in with me because my dad can not care for her and I can not have her go to sleep and not wake up without me there or spending every moment i can with her until something happens. I know what you are going through and honestly, i am a wreck. I am the middle child and have been the only kid here since my brother and sister moved to California (where all my moms family is.) Not only when my mom goes home to heaven, I know that my dad will go as well. He has only been hanging in here for her and he tells me this. I feel like I am a child again and am so scared of all this responsibility but I have to step up to the plate. It is going to be a long road for us.

By cards7up
Posted November 6, 2009 at 3:43 pm
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Sorry to hear about your Mom and Dad. I'm a little confused, you say she was dx with stage IV in 2008 and chemo finished in Feb/Mar 2009, did they do follow-up scans after chemo was done? Where were her mets? Has she been having these side effects since she finished her chemo? Are they saying she can't get radiation for her brain, or did she already receive this? I would definitely choose quality over quantity of life if it means she's going to suffer. I am glad you have called in hospice as they will be helpful to you all. I wish you and your family the best and you will all be in my prayers. Take care, JC

By saraa281
Posted November 6, 2009 at 3:54 pm
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Hello,

She quit chemo in feb or march of this year. She would not go back to get the results. I think she was scared. There are multiple mets in her brain and she nodules in her lungs that measure up to 6.6. She does not want to do radiation or any other further treatments. She is very weak. I am just at a loss. Thank you for the kind words though!

By beckylynn
Posted November 6, 2009 at 4:06 pm
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Sweetie, I am so sorry you are having to deal with this.
It is strange that some of the dr's do not check for
brian mets.

My sister's lc was caught because she was having severe migranes and it was determined she had a brian tumor caused from lung cancer. The radition reduced and eliminated the tumor.

Even if your mom is going into hospice they allow pallative care where if the tumors are causing her pain, etc, she can have it to help relieve the pressure.

I will keep you and your parents and family in my prayers.

Becky

By AliceL
Posted November 6, 2009 at 5:28 pm
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I cannot imagine going through the situation you are in all alone - could your brother and sister perhaps come back at least to help for a few days to give you a break? I will also be keeping you and your family in my prayers.

God bless,
Alice

By Marylou1
Posted November 6, 2009 at 7:37 pm
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Sara,

Oh my goodness! You certainly have your hands full, but sometimes you just have to grab the reins and get this wagon back on the road.

Honey, I am not sure I can give you any advice that will help, but I sure will try. I took care of my parents to the very end. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, even harder than being a patient.

My first suggestion would be to get your parents access to their medical records and also a durable power of attorney to make medical decisions for them if need be.

Then I would speak to the administration at the hospital and find out where you can get some help for your parents. Here your dad is not well and cannot drive much, and I'd bet mom didn't go back for appointments because of dad's problem.

You should be able to get social services in to help a little. Also, you need to speak to Mom's doctors and get a clear picture of what is going on even if mom doesn't want to know. There are a lot of people that don't want to know.

I'm sure with kids to take care of this is not going to be easy. Now is the time you find out who your friends are, and how willing they are to help. In order to do some of the things necessary, you will need some help with the kids and some time off from work.

You're right, no case of brain tumors or for that matter cancer in general is the same. The only way you will know where mom stands is by speaking to her doctors.

I think it's an excellent idea to move your parents into your home. An hour away is just too much! So you are already making good decisions. Yep, you have to step up to the plate and take it from there.

Grab a notebook and start making notes every day. I had to do that with my parents. It's too easy to forget if and when they had to go somewhere for treatment, or what meds they are on, etc.

It's obvious that you love your parents very much and want to do everything your can to help. I think you will do a great job. Believe in yourself.

Much Love,
Marylou

By SaraLee
Posted November 6, 2009 at 10:19 pm
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I can tell you are a great kid . My husband has lung cancer in the pluera and is 66 and has hurt so much already he does not want chemo . He has decided for now to go on hospice where they will bring medication . I wish he might try chemo but I am also afraid of it for him as he is just not taking anything to do with hospitals well it just makes him so nervous he is not himself whatsoever

He is finally being treated now effienctly for the pain and that hs helped but it took pallative care and hospice to get that
My daughter is going to take us in and she is 7 months pregant with thier first child .. we will stay in the garage which has been remodeled into a room she is a great child to take us in and she just did not want her step father to spend the rest of his days at a desk working or worrying how to support us he has been such a blessing my husband has .. I am so proud of you for taking in your parents it is really the right thing to do and I appreciate my daughter so much also

By kq182
Posted November 7, 2009 at 1:01 am
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You are about to do one of the hardest things you have ever done in your life, but you are a good daughter, and your mother and father need you. You will get the strength to care for them and with prayers from us, I wish your family Peace, karen

By saraa281
Posted November 8, 2009 at 8:15 pm
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Thank you all so much! I just got in from the hospital. I went and did my Moms nails and showered her. I think it has hit her now. She is so worried that she will go blind. I did have our meeting with hospice today and it went well. Odyssey is the company and they have a facility they can take my Mom to evaluate her for a few days to decide what medicines will keep her comfortable. During that time, they will get us a hospital bed, oxygen, potty chairs and a wheelchair. There is definately a lot to be done! I am tired that is for sure but I am holding it together for her and my Dad. I know they feel they are burdening me and my ex-husband had the nerve to tell me he thought it was a bad idea to move my parents in and that I was taking on too much. This is coming from a man (boy i should say) that would not break plans with his new girlfriend to keep our son on a school night so he didn't have to drive all over town with me doing my parent errands! Anyway, as you can see I am a little frustrated with the lack of help or lack of compassion from certain people. I wouldn't have it any other way than to take care of my parents. My brother will be here the first week of December and my sister is willing to come but not for the right reasons. She wants to be the beneficiary and that is not my parents wishes. They don't even have a will in place! I am learning a lot of things that I people need to do in these situations. Sorry for venting but Thank you all for the encouragement and prayers. God bless you all as well.

By Bats
Posted November 9, 2009 at 1:45 am
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Hi Sara, I am sorry you are having a rough time. Any time you need to vent, this is a good place to do it. It is so good of you to take your parents into your home . God bless you.

Welcome to Inspire!

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