Help - I am scared

• By caden
• Posted July 24, 2008 at 7:15 pm

Dee,
Welcome to this site although I'm sorry that you need to be here. I know it is hard, but don't panic ~you have come to the right place. Although I'm pretty new here myself, I know that the people on this site will care for you, support you and try to answer any questions you have. Just knowing that you are not alone can help. I wish I had some words of wisdom regarding your son but mine were grown when I was diagnosed so it was different (still not easy, but different). Maybe someone else in a similar situation can help?
Cathy

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• By lorie
• Posted July 24, 2008 at 8:05 pm

Dee,
I`m so sorry that you were dx with lung cancer .im fairly new also,my mom was dx with sclc,i know your scared,but you have to be strong and keep a very positive attitude about this and have faith.i will pray for you and your son .lorie

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• By windrider
• Posted July 24, 2008 at 8:15 pm

Dear Dee,

Of course you are scared; it is a terrible moment when the doctor tells you it is cancer. Now is the time for you to: gather as much information as you possibly can; find out what type cancer it is...yes, it IS lung cancer, BUT there are different types; find out how large a mass there is and which are the very best doctors in your area to handle that type.

Do not be afraid to ask for a second opinion.

Do not be afraid to come here to share and learn.

Do not think of Cancer as an automatic death sentence. I had lung cancer three years ago and had surgery and then chemo. And, I am still here and cancer free.

All good wishes to you. Keep us informed about your progress.

Peggy

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• By motocrossmom
• Posted July 24, 2008 at 9:15 pm

Thank you so much for your replies! It means so much to me to know that you are out there.

I was in a group online when I became a young widow, and without them I would of never survived - so now I am counting on ya'll to help me. I am crying every time I write something.

None of my friends or inlaws know. I have lied about knowing what is wrong until my son comes home on Saturday evening. I will have to tell him Sunday and like I said - I am scared to death at his reaction.

I am trying to yell it through my head that I am a FIGHTER and to FIGHT this evil which is inside me. I am currently reading a book that a good friend told me about and I can't even read a line without crying.

I am a mess!! I go to the octomitist (msp - badly) tomorrow. I am scared and shaking and sobbing as I type this.

I have always been the helper and I wonder why nothing is returned back to me. I know I did this to my body and now ashamed to face my son and tell him this news. God help me!!! Dee

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• By RiaRia
• Posted July 24, 2008 at 9:35 pm

Hi Dee - i can tell you how i felt as the daughter (my dad diagnosed with sclc). It was devastating - didn't care "how" he got cancer - just knew we had to make a plan and get him some good treatment to get rid of it. My Dad smoked for many years (quit 13 years ago). I don't blame him, it's just something that happened. I want him around forever. And. . . not all types of lung cancer are directly related to smoking. Read around the site and there are "never smokers" with LC. What matters most is that you get some good treatment and stick around to see your son grown old.
I am far from an expert, but have learned so much from being on this site. So stick around and let us know how you make out.
Maria

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• By TinaIrena
• Posted July 24, 2008 at 9:43 pm

Dee,
My heart goes out to you because I've been there and I know how you feel, most of us here do. There are so many emotions you go through when you are first diagnosed,shock, fear, anger and for me incredible grief. I had been a former smoker for 23 years, I thought I had wiped out my chances for lung cancer by quitting all those years ago. But one thing you'll discover here is that it can happen to anyone, so don't beat yourself up about this its a crap shoot and we just were unlucky enough to get a bad roll. Don't waste your strength and energy blaming yourself, I don't know how your son will react but I'll be praying that it won't be anything like you fear. I hope that you and your son will be able to draw strength from each other and I hope the friends you will meet here will help lift you up as they have me.
Best wishes,
Tina

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• By motocrossmom
• Posted July 24, 2008 at 9:49 pm

Thank you so much for responding.

I WANT to be saved!! And I am so scared of what tomorrow may hold.

I can't quit sobbing silently on the computer. ((hugs)) to all of you..Dee

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• By bixbabe44
• Posted July 25, 2008 at 8:22 am

Hi,
I have just been told that I have LC. I will know on Monday what type and at what stage. At first, I was in shock, I cried, and then i decided to fight. I do not know what the future holds, but I will not leave this earth quietly!!! I have many reasons for fighting this disease including my husband, children & grandchildren. Cancer is a virus and with the help of modern medicine & extra prayers I believe that it can be destroyed!! Keep only positive thoughts and laugh a lot!! You and your family will be in my prayers also as I believe that Faith can move mountains!!
Eileen

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• By pat15
• Posted July 25, 2008 at 8:59 am

Dee,

There are several people who get lung cancer that have never smoked. You don't deserve cancer and I don't believe you brought it upon yourself. There simply is not enough research (in my opinion) to prove that smoking causes lung cancer. If that were truly the case, we wouldn't have young non-smokers being diagnosed with the disease. Please do not blame yourself. It's not your fault.

Crying during the first few weeks and feeling overwhelmed are normal. It will get better. You will find ways to cope and you will fight.

Pat

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• By Gretchen
• Posted July 25, 2008 at 9:08 am

Dee, take a deep breath and begin to gather your support system around you. The people who love you, starting with your son and your mother, will help you mobilize to fight. Take someone with you when you see the oncologist tomorrow -- four ears are better than two! Ask that person to take notes -- it's hard to remember all that is said at such a stressful time. Think of some of the questions you have before you see the doctor. As time goes on you will have lots more -- write them down as you think of them. For some of us, gathering information helps us feel more in control. That is so important right now -- you feel out of control because all of this has hit you like a ton of bricks. Gather yourself, gather your resources, and be prepared for the fight of your life. We're all here to help.
Gretchen

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• By stage4survivor
• Posted July 25, 2008 at 10:52 am

Hello Dee,
OK
GET A GRIP
1) YOU did NOT do this to yourself!
2) Get all the details from your docs today and come back here for guidance
3) Be defiant!
4) Use every resource to explain this to your son, he will be angry and SCARED
5) Get out of your "pity pot" and fight, formulate a plan, be your own advocate!

There are people here who will "walk" you through every aspect of this and you can survive and thrive!

Do not go gently into that good night...

G

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• By motocrossmom
• Posted July 25, 2008 at 9:55 pm

Thank you so much for your support. It really means a lot as I go to several stages Sat., Sun. and Monday.

First off - I did find out today that I have small cell. They will put a "vent ??" in my chest on Monday. I am trying to move really fast. After that or even before I will call my dr. to find out when I can start chemo. I hope this week.

I have decided that if I lose my hair (which I really don't want to do) is a small price to pay to have my LIFE.

I could almost bow down and grab my doctors feet to save me. I am scared but took notes and didn't sob at both dr's offices today - eyes did tear up.

I may search for wigs tomorrow and I dreed it. I am trying to take deep breaths as I have always preached that to other people, never realizing that I have never stopped to do the same.

I believe I love this website and forum. Ya'll are the bravest people I have ever met. Thank you for becomming my friend. I cherish that. ((hugs)) dee

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• By debdeb
• Posted July 26, 2008 at 3:47 am

Hey Dee, I've read all the posts here and you sound much better since your first post. Hang in there! You have a lot of support here! Everyone's routing for you. :) Your in my prayers.

Debbie

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• By pattyp1
• Posted July 26, 2008 at 6:55 am

hey, Dee,
many big hugs to you. I've been trying to write to you for days, but I couldn't find the right thoughts and words. First, let me say - you can do this. It's as simple as that. Second, you will most likely lose your hair in three weeks. You can either look at it as the end of the world or as a sign that your chemo is doing what it's supposed to do. I recommend the chemo version - and celebrate it! With SCLC - if the hair is disappearing, so are the other fast-growing cells (the cancer). And THAT is a great thing. Third - never ask for or look at statistics - they have nothing to do with you, they're outdated, and are pretty depressing. There are a lot of survivors,and there is no reason whatsoever why you shouldn't be one of them.

Last - we're here for you. If you have questions, at least one of us either has the knowledge or can help you find it. Plus we are good at sitting with people when they need sat with.

hugs and prayers
Pat

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• By knittygirl
• Posted July 26, 2008 at 7:22 am

Pat,

You are so right. I'm a non smoker with nsclc. I feel that pretty much proves that smokers can get it from causes other than smoking. We're all in this together and we'll all get through this if we stick together.

Sam

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• By Barbietwin
• Posted July 26, 2008 at 8:41 am

Dear Dee, Gods blessings to you, i know your scared, but today all the new treatments they have are wonderful, were all here for you.....my twin sister betty has lung cancer, and she smoked also, please dont feel guilty about the smoking, your humane and are addicted to nicotine....my twins doctor told her the same....your son will be sad, but he will be there for you....god gives me and my twin stenght, wow does he ever.....we are all exsposed to many chemicals in the air we breath......so its not just from the cigs........i was in medicine for along time.......hang in there i will be here for you gods blessing dear hugs Barbietwin

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• By Isunique
• Posted July 26, 2008 at 8:59 am

Dee
I was a smoker as well. Hard to tell the kids about it. Two of my kids smoked, my daughter quit after my DX, my son still smokes. The youngest daugther was a D.A.R.E graduate, DARE is a drug (plus other additives) and alcohol awareness program that goes into the elementary schools. It was hardest telling her, esp since she is my step-daughter and we haven't always seen eye to eye on things if you know what I mean. I told her and said that she was allowed one "I told you so", and that was it. She has been extremely supportive. Our children (mine are all over 20) will be there for you as you were there for them. It is a thing called unconditional love. I told my daughter years ago, I don't like what you are doing or did, but I will never ever stop loving you.
Good luck and as everyone else as said be strong and speak up for yourself. Ask questions and then ask more questions.

Take care

Sarah

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• By andmegab
• Posted July 26, 2008 at 10:35 am

hi dee,

im sorry you are having to go thru all of this.

if your son gets angry because he has been on you to quit smoking, let him know that lots and lots of folks get lung cancer every day that have never picked up a cigarrette, and lots get it that quit years and years ago. thats not to say that smoking didnt have something to do with it, just that its not the only factor.

and let him know there are lots and lots of us out there that have lived for a long time after being diagnosed. now days, lung cancer isnt a definate death sentence. it can be managed, and lots of folks live a long time, and some with no recurrence.

take heart, you arent alone!
deb

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• By KellyLee
• Posted July 26, 2008 at 11:10 am

Both of my parents smoked for over 40 years. My dad died in Jan. 08 of NSCLC and my mom was diagnosed 5 weeks later with extensive stage SCLC. We (my siblings) also had been on them for years to quit. BUT...I love my mom and she doesn't deserve this! Anyone can get lung cancer!
My mom is doing ok right now and I am her caregiver. She goes through all those same emotions of -she brought this on herself, guilt, guilt, guilt. I have to remind her all the time it's not her fault! She needs to move past that and not carry that with her...she has been through enough.
Your son may be mad and angry at first. Give him time and space. He will go through his own range of emotions, as you have had since finding out. Be honest with him though. Keep him as involved as he wants to be.
Keep fighting and always have hope. A positive additude can go a long way!
Take care!
Kelly

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• By pepesmom
• Posted July 26, 2008 at 11:50 am

Dee
Hang tough. I will keep you in my prayers. Be a fighter and plan to win.
We are here for you and will be your support team.
You are also welcomed to email me privately if you like.
Stay well and fight strong!!
pepesmom

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