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Would someone/anyone please help me to help someone that I love very much... He just found out that he has Cancer this morning and that it is spreading.What can I do? what should I say? I have prayed and have alot of faith in God. My friend tried to hide his emotions while informing me of what his Doctor said.What should we do? I don't believe he even had treatment options given to him... perplexed...angry...scared... but hopeful...
Exercise Cancer Surgery Meditation Pain Palliative care Lung cancer Depression
Sorry about the news, but I would go to 2 or 3 other dr.s preferably major medical centers and hopefully there will be other options, clinical trials, etc. There is so much research and options out there now. You didn't say exactly what he has or stage, etc. But I'd start there.
Good luck,
Lisa
Thanks so much! He just told me the news via telephone after leaving the dr.'s office and I agree with you. The dr. told him that he has the type that has spread and the dr basically told him that he can do nothing but wait until he deteriorates! I am not the type to stop fighting on any level,so I will undergird my friend,hopefully,after the shock wears off, HE WILL FIGHT!!! No time to fade,time to fight back!!!Thanks again...
Keep your faith, and help your friend attack the beast head-on. There is a lot of good information on this site and others. Read all you can and become educated. Encourage your friend to get 2nd and/or 3rd opinions. Not sure where you are located, but get your friend in to see the best oncologist in your area (check local cancer centers). There are many ways to fight - get educated and don't give up.
First, take a deep breath. Love him, be with him, help him cope, cook for him healthy things, go for walks with him as it is good exercise for both of you. Listen to him but don't let him wallow endlessly.
Drs. specializing in lc have told me that though time is important when dealing with the beast that a couple of weeks one way or the other is not going to make a difference. This is the time to make your battle plan.
The first thing to do Monday morning is to get another doctor immediately. Going to a comprehensive major medical cancer center can make all the difference. They have better doctors, equipment, facilites and more $ for everything. I found the difference to be between night and day. I don't know where you are so we do not know which to recommend. I am in southern California.
What your friend should be doing immediately starting today is building his immune system and strength while never overdoing the physical. It must be moderate enough to not overly tax his system.
If you are inclined to alternative these are my top suggestions.
This is still the best one I have found:
"Natural Stratagies For Cancer Patients" by Russell L. Blaylock, M.D., and retired neurosugeon
The book is about $16 at some health food stores and assorted web sites.
I found this audio very impowering and he can start implmenting immediately:
Nutritionist from Cancer Centers of America 60 minute audio specific to lc. http://www.gildasclubtx.org/resources/mp3/BeckyWright_Lung.mp3
LDA
There are people on this site who have survived and gone into remission from every stage. Do a search for highland guy who must be hitting 85 years old soon.
Meditation, yoga, chi gong, whatever all help. Acupunture with a good and cancer excperienced practitioner has helped me.
Know that the terror is normal as are bouts of depression. Most of us have been there.
Record what the doctors say so that he can go over it. Take notes. Keep a file and a notebook. Get copies of all scans, blood tests and other medical records as they will be needed for other opinions and when you least expect it. Sometimes a 3rd or 4th opinion is important. They expect this. Do not worry about hurt feelings when he is fighting the beast. It is his life, not theirs and he is the customer.
The truth is they have no idea if it is spreading as only comparisons can tell them. They may know that it has spread from the original primary location.
Knowledge is power. I use modern medicine but practice all the alternative I can afford. I fired my first oncologist and tranfered to a lung specialist oncologist at Cedars-Sanai in Los Angeles. It is the one best thing I did.
I ate healthy before my dx. I thought I was healthy. Obviously, that was not adequate. Therefore I have radically changed my eating habits and racheted up the supplementation. Among a lot of other things, no sugar or red meat anymore plus a lot of veggies, especially cruciferious.
My first and now rightly fired onologist, who I got as luck of the draw following semi-emergency brain surgery for what turned out to be a metastisized lc tumor, told me I might be dead by the end of the year. That was the middle of February. That was kinda depressing. He was a jerk and he was wrong. My last scans were 12/29/08. I am doing quite well. My onc says a cure is possible. I choose to believe him. I am feeling better than I have all year. I was dx stage IV.
ramonarunkel@verizon.net
Ramona - thank GOD for you
Hopeful - get your friend to a Cancer Center as soon as possible - for any Doctor to tell a patient "theres nothing I can do for you" is INSANE - get a 2nd or even 3rd opinion - if your friend is a fighter he will have a good fight ahead of him - but we will all be here to cheer him and you on! First - never let him go to another Dr. appointment alone - and who ever goes with him must take notes we all know this here - but when you are first told of your dx your brain only hears those 4 ugly horrifying words - You have LUNG CANCER - after that it's shock, fear, FEAR and numbness. The person with him is the one who will have to bring him back to reality - fill in the blanks and give him some hope - stay away from the on line statistics - they are old and not accurate - everyone is different - read the posts here ask alot of questions - be proactive - do not let any doctor make you wait for tests to be done - he needs a PET scan, a CT scan, a biopsy and so forth. What type of cancer does he have and what stage is he? These are all questions you need answered. Hurry - time is NOT on your side - but WE ARE!!!!!! Praying for you both!
Karen
Take a deep breath, cry, hug, pray, then get on the internet to a major cancer center.
My husband did a PATIENT SELF REFERRAL because the oncologist here was not hopeful. The MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston, TX has an excellent site, and we received great treatment.
The cancer just came back after 7 months of no activity, but MD Anderson is still on the job by talking to our new local oncologist.
The major cancer centers are the way to go.
May God bless you and your friend. Love, Hope & Prayers!
Dana
Thanks! thanks!Thanks!And more Thanks!!!
I was diagnosed 9/2/08, and was shocked I didn't have not one sympton. I woke up with a pain in my left side that I thought was a muscle pull. When it didn't go away I went to a clinic and after a chest xray was told I had a mass. Without going into great detail, I was in the hospital for 3 days had many tests done, and then the journey began. My onc specializes in Lung Cancer, and although I am considered a stage IV, he is treating it as a stage III and being very aggressive. My children and I did allot of research on the internet and developed many questions for my dr. First you need to take a deep breath, accept what is, get informed and find a dr. that your friend trusts, and begin the journey with a positive attitude and faith. Good luck to you and your friend, you will find allot of support on this sight. We are all in this together.
Janet
Your friend will;l need your love and support. He also needs to see another doctor. What he was told may or may not be true, but to wait until one deteriorates is an offensive and ridiculous statement!
The original doctor is a jerk. Go to a Cancer Ctr - it will be a totally different experience.... God Bless!!!
Kari
I appreciate Ramona's kind referemce.
And, I will be 85 in weeks and hitting on being a nine year survivor of three invasive cancers including lung cancer. I love your words about fighting. It's what we need to be doing when facing this beast.
When people are told they have lung cancer, it can be pretty devastating and with good reason. We need to remember two things: (1) lung cancer is an extremely complex disease and 2) very few Oncologists (cancer specialists) are really knowledgeable about treating lung cancer.
Have your friend learn about lung cancer. There are all kinds of good sources of information. It is vital in talking with, and evaluating the competance of your doc's to treat you!
Forget the traditional doctor/patient relationship. You have to take charge of your treatment.
If he isn't going to a major NCI designated Comprehensive Cancer Care Center, that should be his first step. Getting second, third and more opionions is common, the rule rather than the exception. Doctors expect that if they are lung cancer competant.
I went through three Urologists, 5 Oncologists, 4 surgeons. and (incidentally) a half dozen cardiologists and other specialist in my quest to find competant people to treat me. My family was told I could not survive one night, many times that I had only months to live.
Be a fighter and make your friend a fighter.
HighlandGuy
Highland Guy..God Bless you for your post. It gives so many others hope and courage to keep battling on.
Lung Cancer is a chronic illness and you are so right when you say so many doctors do not know how to fight it. I am curious where you finally ended going where you received the best results?
To Ramona:
Your friend will want to research online and read the statistics on lung cancer. Tell him to avoid these as each individual case is different. He has to look at himself as unique and that there is hope as long as there is life. Doctors while having to be realistic and open with their patients, also need to remember that
all patients deserve the right to have them assist them if fighting their disease until there are no tools left to fight with. Have faith knowing that God will be with both of you as you start this horrific roller coaster.
Get copies of all reports.
Keep them in a folder.
If there are medical terms that you do not understand, look them up online.
Praying that God gives your friend and those whom love him courage to fight.
Jolene
Jolene
In answer to your question: The Huntsman Cancer Institute in Salt Lake City.
I now live in Wisconsin where I spar with and challenge the doctors continually. To their credit, they have been eager to make changes to provide better cancer treatment and services. We can do it!
We have to keep fighting!
HighlandGuy
Offer to take to appts, make dinner, run errands, grocery shop, rent movies, anything...be there...talk. Prayer is good, too.
I just came across your posting. I surely hope that you have found help through all the suggestions here. Cancer Research Center of America is a good contact. But maintaining a healthy lifestyle and seeking several opinions from as many oncologists as you can, preferably through recommendations, is definitely the course of action you need to pursue. There are many resources on the internet and if I can help you, please let me know. It is a time-consuming and stressful task but there is help out there.
Always remember, you and everyone around your friend are the ones who have to be very strong for your friend. Keeping a positive attitude and a strong support system is very important.
I live in NY and if you live here too I recommend contacting Presbyterian Cornell. I've been through this with my husband who had colon cancer. There's some useful information on my radio show archive of March 2008 with ACS at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/stationbreak. And I'm doing a show this March again with ACS and working on some other guests regarding Palliative Care vs. Hospice. Again, if I can help in any way, please contact me.
Get started on fighting this cancer now. My first Oncologist told me I had 3 months to live. That was in October of 2006. This happened as we were in the process of moving from Hawaii back to California. I have a great Oncologist now and guess what? It is January 2009 and I am in better conditions than I was 2 years and 3 months ago. Read my journal and others on this site with similar stories. It doesn't always work out that well, but you have to put up a good fight, a good attitude, and keep moving forward. Life is good.
I cannot believe this doc is giving up before the fight even began. I have to agree with everyone here, go to another doctor a large center if possible. He also needs to have someone go to all the doctors appts. with him. He may not ask all the question and more important remember all the answers. Just be supportive and caring, be understanding. Let him have a short pity party but then help pick him up and start the fight.
Dear Hopeful,
First, when you say your friend, I don't know if you mean significant other or just a friend. Obviously, only you know the level of commitment that you feel to this other person.
You've rec'd some excellent advice here. I think we all agree that you need to go to a major cancer center and that you often need to get more than one opinion.
I would add these two points.
First, two people should always go to all doctor's appts. Not just for the ease of the patient having a driver, but to have two sets of EARS. I know that my husband, the patient, often did NOT hear things. It's impt. to hear and ask questions and two sets of ears are better than one.
Second, at some point the patient must make some serious decisions, and I think the best thing that the inner circle can do is support the person 100%....even if you don't agree. The patient has enough on his/her plate. He cannot be challenged on top of everything else.
Then, on a positive note, my husband is 26 mos. past dx and NED. He no longer downhill skis, but in all other respects he has his life back. He's healthy, working, handsome, fit. God bless you both and good luck.
PS We are always here....an email away....
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