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DH and I have decided to give up on IVF for various physical, emotional and financial reasons. I'm having a hard time not feeling like a quitter. Has anyone else made the decision to give up on fertility treatments? How did you cope? Thanks!
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Hi charla, I'm sorry to here IVF hasn't worked for you. Though I can never know exactly what you've been through, I'll briefly share that about 6 months ago my wife and I decided not to pursue fertility treatments, after a surgery to correct a bicorneate (sp?) uterus and months of expensive acupuncture. The odds were long that IVF would actually work for us, and just like you, the physical, emotional and financial prospects of further testing and treatments were dismal. We're looking into adoption now.
For me, ending fertility treatments wasn't quitting. Most of us on this board are on a road to parenthood. As long as you're moving in the direction of becoming happy - even if that involves changing your course or even taking some time off from time to time - you're never quitting. It's all part of the journey.
Charla---You might want to post on the finding a resolution to infertility side because I think there are a lot more people that post on that childfree forum.
I don't know what to say about how to cope with stopping treatment. It is a difficult decision to deal with. I think just always try to focus on the positive parts of your life. I don't even know if that is good advice because I certainly have a difficult time with it.
Colleen
Hi charla i too had to give up on ivf because of financial reasons i also had a rough journey with infertility and it's hard.I know how you feel I'm going through the same thing you feeling like apart of you is missing i had 2 failed ivf my was in Oct/08 and it feels like it was just yesterday the nurse called me to tell i was not pregnant.I hope that i will be blessed financially again to adopt a child maybe that's what god wants us to do.So try to be positive and pray that you will also be blessed and we will become mother's soon.
2try2...
I just want to reiterate what MagicSam said that IF treatment is one step in our journey. For DH and I it was important to have a plan, "what next?" For DH and I adoption/foster care was not an option so we were exploring our other interests...what can we dedicate our lives to? Some couples choose travel, hobbies...one couple I really respect have dedicated to lives to fostering abused/neglected/abondoned animals through a no-kill shelter. I wish you the best of luck.
My husband and I recently gave up on fertility treatments and decided to pursue adoption. Coming to terms with my infertility has been a long process and I think over time, I came to accept that in the end we could bond with a baby, even if it wasnt ours biologically. I would never think of yourself as a quitter... this experience has probably only made you a stronger person. I think the pain of infertility is something you will always carry with you, but it doesnt have to burden you. If you can afford counseling, I would try to talk to someone... it can really help you think through what your next step should be. Good luck... you are not alone!
I just recently had to have a hysterectomy due to cancer. Our only option for fertility treatment was to freeze eggs and find a surrogate mother. We decided against this partially for financial reasons, but also because I didn't know if I could emotionally handle another woman carrying my baby. I never knew how painful it would be to told you can never have children. I have just been taking it one day at a time. I think it will always be something we will struggle with. Me and my husband are planning on adopting when we decide we want to start a family. One thing that has helped me was to just realize I need to grieve! If you feel you need to cry and let it all out - that is exactly what you need to do. The only reason I am able to hold it together when others tell me they are pregnant is because I mourn my loss. I wish the absolute best for you!
Everyone has been so eloquent. I grieved, ranted and was angry; now I am on a different path, but one that will take me to the same place I was trying to get to.
Thanks to everyone for their responses. I appreciate your words of comfort and advice. I guess this is something my husband and I will have to figure out for ourselves. We've decided to take a break right now and focus on our marriage (which has been ignored during all of the infertility treatments).
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