I was diagnosed with AML Jan 1986 and had a BMT in April 1986. I am a 22 year long term survivor of AML. My sister was my bone marrow donor. I should feel happy and greatful that I made it this long ... why am I so disconnected from life, sad and angry?
My question is about the long term side effects of the chemo (I did not have radiation treatment). Not one doctor told me about possible long term side effects.
I suffer from chonic depression and anxiety and my memory sucks (some memory is completely gone, sometimes it just disappears suddenly - once I couldn't remember the name of the color of orange). Was put on numerous antidepressants - all of which put me further into a zombie state. Therapists want to concentrate on my childhood ... this frustrates me even more... because I know that has nothing to do with what my body is experiencing.
I have seen several doctors, not one said any of my symptoms may be all due to the chemotherapy ... instead told it's all in my head - a conversion disorder. This sent me further into depression and I feel so lost and alone - not good thinking it's all in ones own head.
5 years ago I developed total left side numbness, tingling, burning and zapping sensations head to toe and it's been like that since. MRI found spot on my brain but can't say when it happened or why - diagnosed with conversion disorder (all in my head).
Earlier this year I began suffering from such extreme exhaustion even after a good nights sleep - doctor said it's depression and sent me back to head shrinker. Didn't help.
Then a few months back my heart went wonky - fast heart beat, palipataions, etc. Put on med to slow heart rate - but also lowered my blood pressure ... so now get very dizzy. But have to stay on that med until I see a heart specialist.
My heart MRI showed scarring on my left ventricle. Now I just wait for an appointment with the heart specialist - it's been 3 weeks and not one word.
I am going crazy, can't concentrate, think straight, feel joy ... I just need to know I am not alone - has anyone else experienced this? Is it all in my head?
man I just read what I wrote - I do sound wonky don't I?