It has been a little over a year since I have completed treatment and I have "returned" to my life, whatever that means. I still feel very guilty for being "okay". Does anyone else feel that way? Am I normal? And what does normal mean anymore?
Hi Michele,
I finished treatment in Dec. and was declared NED in Feb. from Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. There is a strange feeling of being in remission. For myself I feel as if I'm hanging in limbo. Getting used to what is called our "new normal" is different. You know that you'll never be back to that person you were before but who am I now? Unfortunately I've been suffering from side effects of the chemo which I hate because I'd like to be able to get my life back to some sense of normalcy. I'm so blessed that I've come out of this disease on the positive side though. I am happy for you that you are in remission too. I hope you and your family fared okay from the storm that hit LA. I grew up in B.R. and still have family there. You are a blessed person for what you do in helping others as a nurse. I pray that you stay on the healthy side of life.
Blessings to you,
Joy
We've made out fine for the storm. Unfortunately BR was hit hard, something they never are. I do cherish the normalcy of the "stuff" of going to work on a daily basis. I had to stay off of work for a year and it killed me. It is crazy to go to work and work as hard as I do, but it makes me feel "normal". It feels like a strange dream being sick. Even while I was going through it, I never categorized myself as sick woman unless I looked in the mirror and then I said, "whoa, that chick is sick". I had blonde, straight hair before my illness and I now have black, currrly hair - that takes getting used to too. I flinch every time I look in the mirror, who is that girl, and don't get me started on how you handle that crazy curly hair. you can't brush it or tame it in any way- and I have tried, hundreds of dollars of stuff- I guess that comes with living in the south, nappy hair - I went to vegas and it still rained every day and was still nappy there - sorry I tend to ramble.
Hey Michele,
Glad you fared well from the storm. I'm with you on looking at the person in the mirror. My hair was long and fairly straight and dark blonde. It is now getting curly and came in brown. My daughter is a hair stylist and she colored it a golden blonde but I'm having trouble getting used to it. I do remember the humidity in LA. I couldn't imagine curly hair and trying to do something with it there. I guess we have to get used to seeing someone different in that mirror, huh? It's the same with your soul too, I believe. I know that I'll never be the same. It's good to chat with you. It sure must've been tough being off of work for a year. I hope you are well and wish you continued health along with some sense of getting back to normal. Did you have any problems with neuropathy from your chemo? Well, take care and we'll talk soon.
Joy
I sure can relate to feeling guilty. Every time I hear about someone who's lost a member of their family to cancer, I can't help but feel that they look at me and wonder,"Why'd she make it, and not so and so." There will never be an answer for that question other than it wasn't our time. And as normal as it is to feel that way, I know we have to get past it. So when you figure out a way to do that, let us all know! In the meantime, I started a website designed to help women fighting cancer. It's called "Cancer Endeavors" I needed something to put my energies into and once I sat down at the computer, she came to life!! Other than going to support groups and reaching out to people on other websites, it's the best way I knew of to actually help a lot of good people. I have to pay for it all myself, but it's so worth it.
Let's just be happy that our hair grew back in! I wasn't to crazy about the lint brush look!
no problems with neuropathy, but with joint pain. I am attempting to lose weight to see if it helps. we shall see.
I'm with you on the joint paint too girl! I'm also trying to drop some pounds to see if it helps and they've given me meds for the neuropathy. The hormone changes and the prednisone do crazy things to us. Hang in there Michele and keep in touch. You are an inspiration. We just take it one day at a time.
Joy
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