my husband has been sober for four months now. we have been married almost 27 years and he's always been an alcoholic. I really had a feeling that he was one when we were first together but wouldn't/couldn't admit it to myself. my father was an alcoholic and so was my grandfather. you would think i would know the signs and run in the opposite direction, but i ran right into his arms. don't get me wrong, he made me feel good, special, loved, pretty, intelligent and i really loved him. when he drank too much and made a fool out of himself i made excuses and so did he. then we had children and i started to feel like i was trapped. i still loved him but i couldn't stand when he drank (almost every day), when he slurred his words, when he started to grope me and thought he was just being loving and sexy, when he got mad and threw things over the deck, or screamed and made his eyes bug out. i tried to talk to him when he was sober and he would get very angry and defensive...we'd have a big fight and he'd stop talking and even looking at me for days. then he started not talking or looking at me for all different reasons and it could last for a week or a month. he would just say the littlest he'd have to just to keep up appearances and to make it seem like everything was ok to our kids and friends. it got worse through out the years but somehow i always kept in the back of my mind that i still loved him and that it was the alcohol making him behave this way. one of the problems was that i began to dissappear. it happened slowly. i would be very quiet when he'd drink and try not to attract any attention to myself, not because he'd hit me but because he wanted to get intimate and i was revolted by the very thought. i was so ashamed that i could feel this way. how can i feel this way about someone i love and have children with? then i'd go into another room and read or watch tv while he hung out by himself usually on the computer. through the years i've told him that he was ruining our relationship/marriage with the drinking but it never seemed to get through to him. i told him and told him. well, 4 months ago i really got through to him, i told him our marriaged was damaged and i didn't know if we'd be able to repair it. he's been sober 4 months now. he's very angry. he thinks that i should just be the wife i was 27 years ago. i should be making advances to him in bed, i should just hug him and want to snuggle, i should want to hang out w/him when he's home. i should, i should, i should. i'm lacking. i'm empty. where am i?? i don't fit anymore. i'm so confused. i don't know how to get me back.