Upset, frustrated, mad

I hope every month that this is the month we will get pregnant. My husband started out as hopeful and excited as I was. Recently he blew up about how things would be after we had a baby, talking about how I would have to be a stay at home mom and with his work schedule and commute he wouldn't have time to be able to help me out, which needless to say put a huge hole in my hopes and dreams. We haven't discussed the topic since and recently was given the news that a cousin and newlywed wife are expecting. I feel the loss even more now and it is very difficult for me to show any excitement for them. I feel ashamed to admit that I am bitterly jealous of their excitement and joy because I wanted it to be ours!