Will the crying ever stop?

• By Hoping4thebest11
• Reply 3702712
• January 13, 2013 at 6:41 pm
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I had two very early miscarriages after two of my 4 IVF cycles. I sobbed too because of the loss of course but more because it took so much for us to get to that point and I am not sure we'll ever get there again. I found that once my hormones stabilized I felt better. I think everyone is different in how long they grieve and how long it takes to feel normal again. For my second miscarriage I miscarried the weekend of my cousin's wedding out of state and it caused me to miss it. When I saw him months later I burst into tears in a public place in front of my whole family. It was in part that I missed his wedding but moreover it was because it brought back all of the feelings I experienced.

My only suggestion is to make time for you and your husband. You are the one two people who truly understand the pain of your unique situation. And doing special things together just the two of you further strengthens your bond and makes you remember you are blessed to have each other. I mean personally I am so focused 100% of the time on trying to get pregnant I almost forget how blessed I am to have married my best friend.

I pray you find peace. I pray you can move forward towards your goal to become a Mom.

• By Shanti08558
• Reply 3702842
• January 13, 2013 at 7:34 pm
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I am so sorry for your loss. Really. Give yourself time to grieve.. Cry when you need to, watch sad movies, plant memorial plants. Whatever makes you feel better. After my 2nd miscarriage it took me a good 2 months of crying unconsolably at times. And every now and then things still trigger it. I promise soon enough it will feel less and less like hell -if maybe just for a few min at a time. Be extra gentle with yourself...and don't be afraid to lean on others - thy will one through in surprising ways!! Xoxo

• By romana210
• Reply 3702962
• January 13, 2013 at 8:41 pm
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Hello Ket,

I am very sorry for your loss. Having suffered several losses myself I know how you feel. I can say that yes the tears will stop & the memories will remain. It is a loss and should never be treated any differently you need to grieve and it does take time for you to feel
like the sun is shining again but you will smile when you least expect it. Over the last 8 yrs i've had several losses none have been easy but Im here and have learned to appreciate many other things.
I hope you find peace in your heart sooner than later and wish you all the best in your future journey.

• By lkw787
• Reply 3703207
• January 13, 2013 at 10:44 pm
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WARNING: PG LOSS MENT IN BODY OF POST

I'm very sorry for your loss!

I went through 3 similar losses and I remember how painful they were.

To help me get through the grief (which I found only women who'd been thru such losses themselves understood) I got a therapist who'd suffered repeat losses herself and was able to offer GREAT emotional (and practical) support AND once I decided to move on to DE IVF (after my third loss at age 41) I started my own monthly support group for women consideringDE. After a few false starts and some small conflicts that group really took off and helped keep me going through what turned into a very long process for my husband and me. (two cancelled donor cycles prior to retrieval due to problems with the donors' health histories and/or response to stims!)

I hope that you get the support you need and deserve!

Good luck.

Sincerely,

Lisa
Mom after many sad setbacks...

• By mizsnewyorker
• Reply 3703489
• January 14, 2013 at 2:01 am
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Hoping4the best - I loved the last line in your post because sometimes I have to remind myself that despite the pain/devastation/loss I am incredibly blessed that my husband is my best friend. We are closer/stronger now than ever because of our journey and I cannot help but have an appreciation for that and our experience. :)

Ketterke - I am so, so sorry to hear about your loss and what you are going through. Know it is so natural to be experiencing the uncontrollable sobs/breaking down and feeling so horrible and at times....alone. I, myself have walked through the kitchen only to suddenly crumble to the floor sobbing. Like everyone on here says - please allow yourself the time to grieve and not be so quick to try to shrug the emotions off. They will pop up without warning and it is all very understandable and completely valid. It's painful and devastating - but you will become stronger from all this. It may not feel like it now....but in time, as each day passes it hurts a little less and your strength grows a little more. Be kind and gentle to yourself and try to do something nice for yourself - Some self soothing is in need right now. :)

• By Ellen17
• Reply 3705999
• January 14, 2013 at 8:20 pm
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I am so soo very sorry.
I have lost two of my babies and it is the most horrific experience ever. I recently started reading "Miscarriage: Women sharing from the heart" at the suggestion of my therapist. It's been over 4 months since my most recent loss and I still feel like I break down sobbing every day. At first I wasn't sure if it would be a good idea to spend even more time thinking and reading about miscarriage but so far it has been very helpful. It showed me that I'm not crazy and how I am feeling (and you are) is completely normal. It has some good strategies for coping in the back, and also may be helpful to have DH read....or at least read parts of it out loud to him. Be prepared to sob through it....that is kind of the point though, to let yourself grieve.

• By Momto1
• Reply 3706040
• January 14, 2013 at 8:35 pm
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I'm so sorry for your loss. Please know what you are going through is very normal.

Bad ments - with my first miscarriage I cried for weeks on end. It was devasting. I really thought I was going nuts but honestly it just takes time. Cry as much as you need to. Take care of yourself and your husband. With my second miscarriage I saw how much it really did affect my husband too. I couldn't see it the first time through my own grief but it was clearer the second time.

• By Momto1
• Reply 3706041
• January 14, 2013 at 8:36 pm
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Oh and the crying does get better!! :)

• By hopeful2013
• Reply 3706454
• January 14, 2013 at 11:05 pm
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I am very sorry for your loss. Yes, I agree with everyone here. There will come a time when you can think about it in a sad but accepting way. And it will become of your life story and journey, part of your experience as a survivor. I was crying a lot too after both of my miscarriages. Went through all the grief stages.

• By hopeful2013
• Reply 3706457 · In reply to 3706454 by hopeful2013
• January 14, 2013 at 11:06 pm
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Also, i found it very helpful to speak to a counsellor. And went to infertility support groups. Both experiences really helped me deal with the grief.