Why me?

Hi my name is Jessica and i am 30yrs old. I have been living child free for 12 yrs almost 13yrs. I always thought that time would heal everything or it just wasn't the right time, but i am 30 now. I like to lay everything all down so that everyone can be on the same page and understant the severity of this condition. Throughout the years, i have watched all of my family, my exhusband, and friends all have kids. I have been depressed and tried to kill myself with pill overdose, cutting myself, but it just is not my time. I feel so alone in this world and people never know what to say when you finally find that one person to confide in. Insurance does not cover infertility it only cover when you are pregnant already but any problems you are on your own. I didn't ask to be like this and infertility is not something you can catch from me. I have never been pregnant and i feel like shit. Of course you have good days but it seems the bad outweigh the good. Thank you for letting me share i really thought i was the only one. I meet people who have kids and have trouble having anymore or who has had a misscarriage at this point i feel like to have had a child at all is better than to never bare children at all.

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I'm so sorry Jessica.

Please know that you are not alone.

Infertility is on the rise. In fact I think it is a silent epidemic. Part of the reason for the rise, of course, is that so many of us women waited til later in life to try to conceive but it's also possible that environmental issues like pollution have contributed. No one really knows for sure. However, whatever the causes, I think it is important not to blame ourselves (why do that when society and so many doctors seem more than willing to do it for us?) and to get the support we need and deserve.

While I never actually tried to kill myself due to grief over my IF, I did consider it after my third MC, getting on the internet to look up the quickest and easiest ways to commit suicide. Then I realized I didn't want to die just not to feel this pain any more so I got the help of a therapist who'd suffered repeat losses herself and thus understood my pain immediately AND I started my own free, in-person support group for women considering DE IVF. That group of smart, beautiful, professionally successful women met once a month in my home and helped me navigate the strange new (to me) world of DE. As soon as the first members walked in the door I realized, "I'm not alone and what's more, I'm NOTa loser." (It is so easy to feel like one when you see so many people of all ages get pregnant and have healthy babies with what looks like NO effort.) However, I think it's important to realize that there aren't a limited number of potential babies in the universe and thus someone else having one takes nothing away from your chances too. Also, we often have no idea the hardships and setbacks others may have suffered on their path to parenthood since IF and PG loss are frequently kept deeply secret.

I kept my struggles to become a parent (which took ten years) totally secret since whenever I tried to confide people said completely unsupportive, uncomprehending (and sometimes hurtful) things. Most of the time these things were said out of a desire to help or to take away the pain but unfortunately they usually had the opposite affect.

I wish you the best!


Mom after many sad setbacks including multiple mcs,
HELLP Syndrome (stroke/coma/TBI) survivor

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hi Jessica

i unfortunately understand everything you say.

i married when i was 29. i'm 37 yrs old. the best part of the joke (!) for me is that i am not infertile according to my drs. its male infertility for us. i felt like fertility years whizzed past me. really. i feel so sad and frustrated and helpless. i dont like alternatives like DS, adoption also .. i wish i did.

why dont you try DS if you are single or some other method if you can. good luck.

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So sorry about your struggles, feeling suicidal is devastating, as is infertility. Infertility treatments should be free for all women, it is really unjust that people cannot do them because they cannot pay for them, and there really must be many many many women who are in that situation, but don't have a place or the resources to go into therapy and talk about it. Where I live the women's clinic equivalent to Planned Parenthood in the US has a fertility program for low income women and even that is expensive (I go there and the meds alone are prohibitive). I am "lucky" that now that I am 42, I have finally saved enough money to go through treatments. When I was 30 it would have been impossible. anyway, sending you hugs.

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Hi Jessica,

Everyone on this community understand what you are talking about... each and every one faces same pain...it is always difficult to let go having child normally ...I am not sure exactly what issue you are facing but you will find many companions here those using DE/those using DS/those using both/those who decided to adopt ...share your pains and it helps ...even my insurance does not cover Infertility and we paid everything even tests out of our pocket but there was no other way out ...try to find what si next best option for you ...Good Luck

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