I feel so defeated

Just turned 40 and just finished the 3 month wait after fibroid removal (5 ). I underwent fertility testing but all my levels are ok. My husband SA showed low motility (25%) but very high sperm count. My RE told me that I only have 1-2% of conceiving naturally due to my age. She did not recommend a natural iui since the success rates are so low and I will be wasting my money. My best bet was fsh with iui (10%) or ivf (33%) for success. Needless to,say I just went into my car and cried.

I have saved some money but hubby tells me why are you going to waste on a crapshoot and no guarantee? While having a family has always been high on my list, my husband admitted that it was never really his dream but he wants me to be happy. With these odds he suggested that maybe I should learn to accept this but does not want me to be depressed or crying in years to come. I got so angry at him that I just went to the bedroom and cried all night long. I feel so,alone and everybody at my job is pregnant. My friends with kids don't understand and no hubby does not want to adopt since it is so expensive.

I feel so alone and frustrated. I really feel that God has turned his back on me and I will become bitter. :(

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Please dont feel that way!!. We are in the same boat, a lot of us, so you are not alone. In USA, its really expensive but would you try at Check Republic? I already had 2 IVFs in Madrid but now Ill do the next one in Gennet (CR). The prices are very reasonable. Maybe you could try 1 IVF and see how you respond to the treatment. U never know!!! Anyway, I am low AHM 0.75 and FSH 8 and because I respond good to the stimulation I have 30% changes in each IVF. If you have normal levels your chances should be higher. :). Believe me, I really understand how you feel, but it seems that ur husband is not close to the idea so if you explain it to him and show the prices, maybe you both agree in give it a shot....
Good luck with everything!!! and pls let me know if you need info...

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Have you thought about surrogacy or egg/sperm donation? I don't know a lot about them, but perhaps they are the right path for you? Is his only reason for not wanting to do adoption the money? Because IVF is expensive too... Also, perhaps you can get a second opinion from another RE?

Have you & your husband tried speaking with someone (a therapist, or a priest/minister/rabbi/etc. if you are feeling disconnected with God)? Sometimes if you're not on the same page, the first important step is to talk it out - whether just between the 2 of you or with a counselor - to see where you both are and how you're both feeling.

I think the most important thing is to make sure your marriage is strong and you're in this together.

It is so natural to feel alone during this - I do all the time - because as supportive as our partners/spouses try to be, they are not the ones putting their bodies through this. You are not alone though! You have all of us, and therapy is also really helpful. I'm about to try an in-person support group as well, which I've heard can be really helpful.

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Mizmims, I am so very sorry to hear it. I was told 22% chance of success with 2 or 3 IVFs, out of pocket $14,000 for each one. We would have to go into debt to make that happen, but we don't have any other debt, so it's not out of the question. I guess if it were a 90% chance of success we would try, and if we succeeded it would be worth it, but those odds just seem too low to me and so we have decided not to try ART anymore (I just turned 41). I know some women play those odds and win, but I am just not a gambler. I think that ending up without a child and $42,000+ in debt with nothing to show for it (except for all the mood swings and weight gain) will make me more depressed than just coming to terms with living without a baby. A good friend of mine, however, did the same analysis and took out a medical loan to do IVF with DE (she was given a 60% success rate). She is due in January and over the moon. I'm happy for her, but somehow don't feel like following in her steps. I do think, though, that if I had the money in the bank and didn't have to go into debt, I might go for at least one round. It's weird how our financial situation and odds of success interact in our analyses. I am also continually comparing other expenses to IVF. A new economy car -- that's one round of IVF (10% chance of a baby!). A cruise -- only 1/3 of one round of IVF (3.3% chance of a baby!). Finishing our basement - about the same as one round of IVF! So silly.

I also feel abandoned by God. My best friend had a baby last week (after 4 years of infertility), and I stubbornly feel that God loves her and does not love me, and nothing people tell me will dislodge this firm feeling. When life was going well for me I never felt that God loved me more than people going through adversity (in fact I thought they must be closer to Him), but now I feel this way. Not sure what to do about it. At least we know the writer of the Psalms felt the same way sometimes; he said things like "why have You turned your face against me." Intellectually, I know that He has NOT abandoned us. But it is hard to feel.

My husband is fine without kids, although he thought it might be nice to have them, but he is not sad not to have them. He has been trying just to make me happy. Sometimes I wonder if I married a man who really wanted kids whether he might not move heaven and earth and try to come up with the money to make sure we had at least one, or adopt, which I would also like equally. A good friend of mine who has been trying for about 18 months told me that I was lucky, because her husband is really anxious to have a child and puts pressure on her. She said at least I don't have the pressure to conceive or worry that he will leave me if we don't have any. I try to keep that in mind.

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Mizmims: I'm also so sorry to hear about your infertility and your husband's reaction. With your fibroid removal, you may get pregnant. (MENTS*I didn't have any fibroids or polyps and got pregnant at 40 but had a miscarriage*END MENTS*). I would tell him how important having a child is for you and you have to TRY at least ONCE. I told my husband if I didn't try IVF, I'd wonder down the line, if I did all I could to become a mother. My husband is on board and wants a child with me but is worried (if IVF or DE IVF doesn't work I'll be depressed).

We're going to the Czech Republic in January and hopefully I'll come back pregnant! If not, at CRM you can go back for a FET (if you have embryos left over) only paying for medications and your expenses.

J-fer: OMG, you're like me running numbers, calculations (I'm an Accountant). I'm using part of my 401 Keogh (self employed), I also didn't want to go into debt. Regarding God, in the past I felt I was abandoned also. I knew in my heart I was not (I cried in church). I think I'm still bargaining with God. If I have a child, he/she will know you better, etc. I think it's normal to feel this way.

I feel like I have started to live again since making plans to go to CRM Zlin, Czech Republic. I'm cautiously optimistic and know, no matter what I've tried. I can live with that...

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