I don't know what to do anymore? I'm drowning in depression! My life has been totally destroyed! Everything has been taken away from me!

I lost my Mum and lost my whole family in such a short time! I met my OH when my Mum was dying, I felt he'd been sent by God to protect me for my Mum. When my Mum passed the whole family disowned me! I don't get why? I was the one who took care of Mum as she was agrophobic but was also my best friend! I took care of Dad when he became disabled after an horrific accident at work. I cared for my brother and sisters when we were kids, even taking the rap for them on many occasions! I also raised my baby brother because after he was born I found my Mum with slashed wrists and it was the most horrible time of my life! I was in shock! but, I also had a baby brother to care for and a younger sister! They all went into foster care accept for me and my brother. Well, we did, but I took him and ran away! We went home. We struggled to cope with no electricity or gas and no money. But, we survived and I'm here to tell the they say.
I have been through a hell of a lot in my life! So much more than you would ever believe? but, just now, I am so depressed because being so ill and living in bed is depressing!
I have no family, no friends, just my OH and my two kids (one who is not here just now) and one who is disabled.
We have had our benefits cut recently with the 'new benefit crush' that is happening due to our lovely caring gov!
We can't afford to live now! and I don't even want to live now! but, I am stuck because I don't want to hurt my OH or devastate my Children! I really don't know what to do? I am trapped! I hate my life as I'm always in bed, sick! I vomit constantly, am in pain constantly, can't breathe constantly, have bowel problems constantly! I'm a waste of space!
I'm useless to anyone and a burden to everyone!
I guess they're not paying my husband now for looking after me? they probably realise I'm a waste of oxygen?
I have never been so sad in my life! I don't remember having any fun ever! I don't remember feeling good ever! I don't remember anyone appreciating me since my two little boys were...well,..little boys!
I know they love me and somehow emotionaly need me and I feel the same way too! but, I'm not giving anyone anything! I spend most of my time bed! I'm always unwell and hate it!!
What is the point of me??
And why do our government want to make it worse?
I really don't know what to do?

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