CAREGIVERS.....forever

Dear Friends.... I am so very touched by the outpouring of support from you all. I can't say how much it always helps to know others are praying when all you can feel is...numb... but I'm gonna try.....

The death of my dear niece brought back...with such vigor...memories of those who've also recently gone HOme... Today, I did pretty much nothing but pass time...trying not to think...

I remember the first death of a close relative...my paternal grandmother... I was pregnant with my second daughter... standing by her coffin... I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see my Daddy standing there.. He took his Mom's hand in his...and said.. There's nothing to fear here... Kathy, this is just the shell....the nut's gone....

I was a bit taken aback at first...then thoughts of my dear Grandma....her face glowing as she played yet another prank on me.... Memories flooded my soul.....and I knew... Grandma was fine... She was in her new body... my 'nut' would be waiting to see me some day....and...When Daddy left us...it was much harder... he was my rock...for a year I took care of my babies like a zombie... before shock began to wear off and healing take place....

Then the first of my siblings...my brother, Charlie.... I thought I would die...another brother....my MIL~who was living with me....my BFF and sister, Glenda...my angel, Jimma....

I couldn't think....I couldn't breathe....I didn't wanna live anymore.... then, last year....my eldest sister, Judy...and my Mama....now...Charlene...I never thought...not for a minute....that one of my siblings children would go before me...never......

One never knows....who is next?? Many of you know how hard it was this past year....my DH almost left me twice.... and we were both sick quite a bit.... My daughter cut her wrist...and she's still here...out of the mess of drugs and alcohol...

So...there are many things to be thankful for....many blessings to count!!But....you see....I've just begun to grasp the fact the my eye was removed...can you believe that!! People think of me as strong and full of faith.... But actually...I'm rather weak.... And it is in that weakness that Jesus becomes my strength...

I don't know why I'm still here....but I do not want to spend my time...precious time...wasting it doing nothing!... I don't want to wallow in the pain and agony of grief... I want to be happy for my loved ones... and work until my time is done....

Why??? Because... when I feel like I cannot take another step... When the weight of the world seems to rest on my tired shoulders.... When I look around me and see so many others who need to be reminded of where they can get strength... that life is worth living a each of us has a special gift... one that only you...only I ... can give...

Most of us came to this site because something happened to change our lives forever.... we, who were once caregivers became the one needing care.... so much care..... and feeling that we were 'less than' because we can't do what we did before...

But I have come to believe....we were sent here to be reminded... we are born caregivers... Proof?.... You have reached out to me...giving care to a stranger... and I am stronger for it.....

Thank you dear friends....
Love and prayer, Kathy

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