Am I being as Active as I can?

nicholas2509
  • By nicholas2509 · December 15, 2010 at 9:13 pm · 5 replies
  • In Emotional and psychological issues
  • 0 Recommend      
    Options
    Options:
  • Shared with the public

I myself do not have the disease(fibromyalgia). My wife and I have been married now for 2 years and her life is greatly affected by the threatening symptoms and conditions of this unforgiving disease. I do not hold anything against my wife for being who she is and doing what she can do.

Sometimes I think she is capable of doing so much more. I want her to be a more active person, to go out and exercise, walk, jog, and meet new friends. The pain with her is getting to be worse for her and seems to be making me think of it as a reason for her not to be as active as she wants to be.

I want to push her to be more active and less emotional. I feel I am failing at my job as her husband sometimes because she is having a flare up but I know it is not my fault. I love her!

Explore topics in this post

Explore topics in this post:

5 replies   

Susan-FibroBlog

Sixteen years ago when I first had symptoms of firomyalgia, I know my husband felt "cheated." I could no longer be as active or involved in so many things. My advice to you is don't push her. Loving her is the right idea. She faces a monster that you wiil never be able to see or feel. My heart goes out to both of you. I am still married, so keep the faith. It will get easier for you.

Susan

nelly41

My husband and I have been together for 21 years. It's been over a year since my first symptom started. Not long ago me and my husband went for a walk even though i had muscle cramps and spasm. At first it was great we talked and laughed, than a he walked in front of me........ for the rest of the way home. Because, like you he thought i should do more, push myself more. It was the saddest most lonely walk of my life. I know it's a let down when your wife can't do all the things she used to do. but please try to put yourself in her shoes. She needs you more than ever.

learnFMnow

She is one lucky woman to have a husband who has the veiwpoint you do. A husband that tries to understand. Kudos to you. But unfortunately, sometimes with fibro the more active you are the worse you hurt later. We do something and pay now or later or both.
This is one myth I believe needs to be disspelled about fibromyalgia. Exercise is good to a point, but not to the point of overdoing and most of us overdo it with very little activity.
Pain does worsen with the years in most cases I have heard of. I know my pain has worsened. They say fibro is not "progressive"..... it is NOT...in the sense that it won't kill us. But yes, it is progressive in most cases with its symptoms. It is very frustrating to wake up like this everyday and know that it is not a flu bug you can just take off work with for a couple days and be all better. It is chronic and yes it is unforgiving. I venture to call it a curse, a demon, a monster....etc. Most of us do come to refer to fibromyalgia as a monster. It is unseen yet so cruel.
Hope this helps you in some way,
Debra R.N.

Debbie72

the replies above are exactly right. I have been with men that thought they knew all about fibro. They really never did. I think there are seminars to help all your loved one understand. People I fear will never completely get it. If you have a good day once and do a little extra, the next time you won't feel so good. They get upset we are never given a routine you just have to open your eyes to see how the day is going to be. If it is a good day that can also change for us. All we can do is try, everyday and hope our loved ones will be under stand. Debbie72

Annie_Stith

Hey, Nicholas!

I'm glad that you're here, and that you can be honest about your feelings.

FM is *so* difficult because it's unpredictable. While overall it's progressive, during any one week I can be fatigued and depressed one day with such low energy I can barely get out of bed, one day where my pain is down because my narcotics are working but I'm a little unsteady and loopy as side effects, one day where the pressure of the bed against my body is *so* intense that it almost seems like I can feel each individual thread... I think you get the idea.

While you can be there for her with your love and support, she's the only one who can judge from day to day how much she's capable of doing. While I'm sure it's frustrating for you that she can't know from day to day she'll be up to in the coming week or month, she feels guilty that she can't make and keep plans, or that she can't take care of her family like she always believed she would, and ashamed that all she can contribute financially is a tiny income from SSDI.

One of the reasons FM (and other chronic pain conditions) are so awful to have is that we beat up on ourselves every time there's something else we can't do, and get depressed when we lose one more friend who we've let down by not being able to keep plans, and when we're "so stupid" (or many other esteem-bruising insults) to overdo it *again* so that we'll end up in bed two days for pushing ourselves half a day.

Be as patient as you can, take care top meet your own social and Spiritual needs, and find a good therapist who'll see you in spurts when things get rough.

Annie

This discussion is closed to replies. We close all discussions after 90 days.

If there's something you'd like to discuss, click below to start a new discussion.

Start a new discussion

Things you can do

Discussion topics

Community leaders