'E' my long and winding road a life lost and new life gained

Every once in awhile I get emotional about 'E' and how it has effectected my life.

The Anger: A life I once lived lost at 30, Good Job, Making good money, living the life of partying with friends all gone replaced by epilepsy and its effects on me.

The Happy: A life gained: A wife and daughter that never would have happened if I never got E.

Now after the surgery all I hear is oh you look and seem better.

What does Better mean?!?

To them they say I am less emotional and angry. But even though the "tatoo" on my brain to get rid of/treat epilepsy has been removed I still am the same guy who has been affected mentally and physically by 'E'.

I still try to be upbeat around those I love but when alone I curse the day I got hit by it yet praise it when I see my wife and daughter.

Ugh I guess I still have some way to go in getting a grip on me and 'E' but nonetheless as time goes by I am getting better at handling it. I am past the why me stage but still wonder what if it never happened.

If Doc Brown drove up to me in his Delorean and said "hey XXXX hop in and we will go back to the day that mosquito nailed you and you can avoid the whole thing" I never could because my life and everyone close to me lives would change too. No wife no daughter or other people's feelings of "purpose" for me. Who knows the effects of what changing the past would be but I could never change it.

I guess I will be on this Long and Winding Road for awhile longer but every once in awhile I will take the time to take in the sights and smells of a life changed and never forgotten.

Sometimes it is tough but the good things make the trip less rough. Peace all.

(I will update my other Journal regarding Brain Surgery soon)