My son is only 22 years old, and has been struggling with drug abuse (opiate addiction) for 6 years now. He has been seeing a psychiatrist for 2 years, and has been on Suboxone. His cravings for opiates seem to be under control, however, he tends to transfer his addiction to other things...food, shopping, other drugs. He attends group therapy every week, but it does not seem to be enough. I have been supportive of him through his relapses, but find myself getting more frustrated each time he relapses. I have attended nar-anon meetings, but still feel angry at him. I could use some advise on how to handle him during a relapse. I have tried the whole spectrum from love and understanding to tough love. I do not now what would be better for his recovery, and I am always afraid to be too harsh with him that I would push him over the edge. Thank you for listening, any advise would be appreciated. Thank you.
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Mother of son struggling with recovery.
- By j0diebird
- Posted April 28, 2008 at 12:01 am · 6 replies
- In Helping someone who abuses drugs
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- By Sanford
- Posted May 2, 2008 at 9:14 am
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j0diebird, I feel for you. I'm a recovering addict and now work as a substance abuse counselor. It's hard for me to tell you what he needs without ever having met him. I know that for me, the only way I could stop using was to go into a long term residential treatment facility. I tried AA, NA, and outpatient treatments first, and none of them by themselves did it for me. I would leave meetings and go get high. I'd show up to meetings high. I threw all copies of my dealer's phone number away, but after three weeks clean, I showed up at his apartment (very dangerous). I was working all this time, making good money, but I had been evicted in 07/00, and I lived for 6 months in a flop house. My sister would send me money for bills, which I promptly got high with.
She finally cut me off. Not because she didn't love me, but because of how much she did. By the time she did that, I wasn't working. I was sleeping on a friend's couch. I went into treatment here in NYC on 1/12/01 and stayed there for 9 1/2 months. If I hadn't done that I am quite sure that I'd be dead now. I've been clean for 7 years, 4 months, and 1 day. I have a career I love. I have state credentials as a counselor. I have earned back the love and respect of my family. And I'm happy.
The majority of my clients are mandated to treatment by drug courts. If your son has never been to jail yet, he doesn't want to go.
I'd be happy to talk to you on the phone about this. Or via email (I'm better on the phone).
I will leave you for now with these thoughts. I know you're scared; so is he, even if he can't admit it yet. I know you're angry; so is he. I know you're frustrated; so is he. For both of you, the message is the same.
There is always hope.
- By AmandaBurkholder
- Posted August 7, 2008 at 9:06 am
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hi my name is amanda and i also was on herion for 5 years i was shot and paralyzed due this all i can say is have his back and try to understand him dont let him see it upsets u are dont yell at him cause it willonly make him feel worse and most likely do it more and i kno that the meeting didnt work for me cause the dealers are there tring to lead u in ive been clean almost a year and its the best time of my life no more sickness and wondering where im ganna get my next bag of dope ...ill pray for u and ur family i also turned to food and shopping ..i hope he get right soon and if u need anything please feel free to e mail me anythime godbless
- By JanKickingCancer
- Posted August 1, 2009 at 9:19 am
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We need to be harsh..tough love! We give too much. A counselor said to me once.."you are working harder on his addiction that he is!"
He always excected me to say "yes" to everything and help. This time...I say NO and it's teaching him to be self sufficient!
Good Luck. If they really want it they will work for it. My son too was addicated to opiates. They can't do ANY DRUGS !!!
My thoughts and prayers go out to you!
See this site: canyouhearme.org
Maybe someone there can help you!
My best friend lost her daughter last year and this is her way to try and help someone else in need. Her daughter was 21! Hate these drugs and what it does to our chidren!
- By JanKickingCancer
- Posted August 2, 2009 at 3:38 pm
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I suggested this site to look at but i spelled the site wrong. This is the site:
Canuhearme.org
I'm sure it will be touching for you all. Ally was loved and only 21..drugs...ughhhh
- By jblueeyes
- Posted September 30, 2009 at 8:11 pm
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This is just my own experience, but the LAST thing your son needs is Tough Love. I believe your son has enough low self esteem and self hatred for the both of you. I myself am a recovering addict and if anyone close to me had tried "tough love" I would have shattered and broken. I'm now clean and sober for 29yrs and for me, I HAD to go to AA and NA meetings. If the 12steps don't work for you then your not working the 12steps. Ya get out of it exactly what ya put into it. 90meetings in 90days. Do it and the miracles WILL happen, I PROMISE
- By trufaith24
- Posted October 8, 2009 at 6:51 pm
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I understand what you are going through I have been on both sides an addict and now worried about my brother who is also a heroin addict, My husband and I were as well, we were addicted to every drug there is and we have now been clean for 1yr. If we can do it your son can too. My father n law, helped us he was understanding and kind hearted and would always let us know that he was there and that we were better than that. He prayed every night and every morning and never gave up faith. That is the best advice that you can be given NEVER GIVE UP FAITH AND PRAY EVERYDAY YOU WILL BE ANSWERED, heroin is a very powerful, evil drug. But it can be beat, with Gods help. E-mail me anytime sh.has.faith@gmail.com
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