Compassion Does Matter

I have been asked; why do you send out these poems? Some of my friends understand, some think I am weird. Some answer with a thank you, some dont answer at all because they dont have a clue of why I do it.

Let me tell you a small story.

The first serious pain attach that would one day be diagnosed as Gastroduodenal Crohns disease/Gastroparesis, put me in the hospital were I was diagnosed as a hypochondriac. Once I was given their clear diagnoses and sent to a physiatrist, my soon to be ex-husband tried to have me committed to the funny farm. This serious negative reaction to my pain, caused me to feel that for my own self-preservation I was better off keeping my illness to myself. I keep so silent about my pain, that even my hubby of 23 years, had no clue when I married him.

Although, chronic nauseas and chronic internal pain was such a reality in my life, that I was forced to ware stretch pants so that nothing tight would put pressure on my painful right side. I never complained to any one., or sought out medical help. Of course keeping my pain to self was not something that I could do for long, being married to such a loving and compassionate man. He tired to encourage me to see another doctors when my pain and nauseas got so bad that I could barely walk up the church step with out leaning on his arm.

Every Sunday, for over two months it was the same story. I would walk in leaning on his arm. Set down in the pews and spend the next two hours, battling between an over whelming need to throw-up and pain that was so bad that I wanted to scream. Most of the time, the only thing I could do was silently cry.
This went on, until my hubby got a phone call from the pastor of our church. This phone call was not one based on compassion, or curiosity concerning why I sat in church with tears running down my face. No he already had developed his own conclusion, as he told me husband to keep me away from his church. Evidently I was a cauldron stirring witch out to destroy his church with my evil curses. His over whelming compassion was all it took to push me over the edge, and I found myself praying for death and trying to think of some painless way to take my own life.

A few days later, as I wallowed in self-condemnation and pity, a place were even my hobbys love could not reach. There was a knock on the door. In walks Susan . I had meet Susan and a Womens Aglow meeting 6 months earlier. I did not really know her, but as she began to speak and tell me that she had been think about me, and wondering how I was doing, I realize that she was the one person who would understand my pain. And the flood gates opened up and crying on her shoulder I finally shared my pain both physical and emotionally with her. He care and compassion lead me out of my world of silence.

That was 15 years ago. still battle chronic pain and nauseas, And even after I was given a clear diagnoses , I still battle my health issues with out medical intervention. Not because doctors have not tried to help me, but because there is very little that they can do, and I have accepted that with no bitterness or resentment.

But I also remember what Susan did for me! She helped me to understand that despite the reality of some people cruel accusation and their lack of understanding or compassion for my pain and misery. There were people that do understand. As a result, I am not alone in my pain. That is the true message behind my monthly notes of encouragement. I don’t want anyone with in my circle of influence to feel that no one is thinking about them.







KEEP BELIEVING IN YOURSELF
There may be days
when you get up in the morning
and things aren't the way
you had hoped they would be.
That's when you have to
tell yourself that things will get better.

There are times when people
disappoint you and let you down,
but those are the times
when you must remind yourself
to trust your own judgments and opinions,
and to keep your life focused on believing in yourself
and all that you are capable of.

There will be challenges to face
and changes to make in your life,
and it is up to you to accept them.
Constantly keep yourself headed
in the right directions for you.
It may not be easy at times,
but in those times of struggle
you will find a stronger sense of who you are,
and you will also see yourself
developing into the person
you have always wanted to be.

Life is a journey through time,
filled with many choices;
each of us will experience life
in our own special way.
So when the days come that are filled
with frustration and unexpected responsibilities,
remember to believe in yourself
and all you want your life to be,
because the challenges and changes
will only help you to find the dreams
that you know are meant to come true for you.

Big Hug Barbara