Anybody else out there who have parents who can sometimes be the most helpful people out there, but then other times be the biggest pains in the asses ?
I know that if me and Max didn't live with my mother things would be a lot easier sometimes but she can be the biggest control freak on the planet.
3 days ago some old friends of hers from california called and said they were coming for a visit. Ever since that moment she's been cleaning the house like mad and getting on my case because I really don't feel like doing ANYTHING. I'm sorry, but I just DON'T. The last month (most of it spent in hospital) was incredibly draining and I feel like I'll never catch up on sleep.
But she's the type who expects you to sit nicely and make polite conversation with people you don't even KNOW. I sort of know her friends from my childhood, but Max doesn't and I don't think he is up to sitting and rehashing all that has happened for the umpteenth time. I know I'm not and after a month in the hospital is it unreasonable to want a "break" from all this, even if that break consists of not talking about his luekemia for a mere 5 minutes.
I know these people mean well, but honestly I don't think anybody gets quite how exhausting this whole thing is.
And my mother....AARRGGHHH !!!! She knows, because she's been there all through it, but she's not a very new-school person. She's stubborn as Hell and very stubborn in her ways and insists that company is company and we must be nice and sit and visit. Quite frankly I'm ready to strangle her.
I don't care HOW selfish it sounds. I have very few escapes from this, my mind needs a break now and then and tonight is Survivor night and all I want to do is vegetate and watch Survivor on TV and NOT sit and listen to my mother and her friends talk about old childhood memories.
Anyone else have difficult family like this that doesn't support you in certain ways ?
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My mother is doing my head in
- By KayEm
- Posted October 29, 2009 at 11:42 am · 2 replies
- In Emotional support for parents and caregivers
- Shared with the public
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- By KayEm
- Posted October 29, 2009 at 11:51 am
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I should add that her way of dealing with stress is quite different then mine. When I'm seriously stressed (as I am right NOW) I just want to be left alone.
When she is stressed, she gets non-stop histrionics about every little thing (an empty cup in the sink is a tragedy with her) and picks at me non-stop. Yesterday I was ready to shove a cork in her mouth, I swear to God that's all she did was pick on me over trivial things.
- By njs
- Posted November 1, 2009 at 2:47 pm
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Hey there,
I understand what you are saying. You and your mom have very different ways of handling stress and yours is not wrong just because its different than your mom's. Just a quick question. You say that your mom has been there through it all. But was she the one who spent the month in the hospital all of those nights? Was she the one who had to have multiple medical personnel in and out of the hospital room 24 hours a day with nary any kind of break? My own sister who says she understands still doesn't quite get it all. Only after many, many times when she would call and ask about my day/week and I would give her a (quick) overview did she start to get a clue, and even then she was not living it.
I think that when these friends of your mom's come you have a quick answer rehearsed about what you've dealt with. Something along the line of "Well we spent X of the last 30 days in and out of the hospital with X days at clinic. Its been incredibly draining, scary and tough." That should suffice. Hopefully if you make yourself scarce, which I would not blame you if you do, they will understand. And honestly some people may not understand, but that's not your problem. I can tell you that some people who I thought were friends did not 'get it' when they asked what I was doing, why I was not available and why I was involved with activities. And these people knew about my son's diagnosis and monthlong start to ALL. All that you can do is to take care of yourself and your son at this point, one day at a time.
Nancy, mom to Dale, 13, diagnosed with HR T-cell ALL on 4/16/18 now in long term maintenance. www.carepages.com daletall
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