I don't consider myself a particularly religious person. Have 5 years of Catholic school under my belt and for 10 years of course weekly church. During 5 of those years, it was 3 times to church a week.
I've watched many a family member suffer, including my mom for 9 years battling end stages of breast cancer. She beat the doctors predictions of mere months however. My dad's family, extremely religious met their maker all before the age of 50 - all of them which is the entire family! To me religion and turning to God did them absolutely no good.
I lost my mom when I was 31 and my dad is a distant memory, he passed when I was 8.
I am now battling a rare type of cancer, and the genetic test has come back and that too is a rare finding. Only 26 other families have this particular gene mutation. Obviously with no research to figure out whether or not it is a significant finding.
So, I read where many have either turned to God for help, or have put their entire trust in God. How do you do that? I can't seem to and when people ask for prayers, I try my best. BUT, I feel like I'm talking to the wall. I don't feel blessed in any sense of the word for having this cancer, so I have not "turned" to God for guidance. It seems too much too late to ask for His assistance.
Yes, I've been angry with God, and I don't and won't attend church. I simply don't buy the fact that you have to be in a building to be blessed or forgiven. Especially when I'm told that God is everywhere. I don't like crowds and I hate answering nosey nelly questions about my life either.
I've seen far too many that listen to the word, but even more that don't practice what they preach. Backstabbing, etc. and even committing sin only to be "forgiven" on Sunday so that they can repeat the same pattern over again.
Do I even believe in God anymore? I haven't really been able to answer that for mysefl. I am so weary and angry about so much. Turning to God hasn't given me one iota of "comfort" in any sense of the work for 20 years.
What exactly allows one to give themselves and find peace with God?
I am very torn.