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Mom recently dx with Lung Cancer-rejecting treatment

UnekeoneCC
0 Recommendations

Hello. I am hoping to get support from others with a similar situation. My mother just found out that she probably has lung cancer. After several tests to help determine if her heart is up to undergoing surgery for a biopsy, since the location of the mass is in an area which would require surgery by going down her throat, we have found that she probably wouldn't be able to withstand surgery.

She decided not to undergo chemo or radiation and says she wants to die with dignity. Her doctor says she may have a year, possibly 2.

Are there others that have had to stay supportive during a similar situation? I know I need to respect her wishes, but also need to find support to help me in this process. Anyone else out there that can provide any guidance? Thank you. My mother is 62 and if surgery were possible, the doctor thinks she would need 40% of one lung removed and 30% of the other.

Explore topics in this discussion:

Cancer Surgery Esophageal cancer Back pain Morphine Bone marrow transplant Chemotherapy Bronchitis Tarceva Stress Taxol Leukemia Hospice care Confusion Emphysema Breast cancer Pain Memory Bone cancer Lung cancer

13 replies

fourdad

My Dad is 80 yet pretty healthy. He was just diagnsed a month or two ago. The doctors are still trying to decide a treatment. Chemo and radiation. I think both will be way to much for him. We don't know what to do. He said he may do nothing because if he can't be cured he doesnt want to be so sick. He wants quality of life.

chemo1

come on you quys, where's the fight! As long as there is a chance take it! 80 is still young! While going through treatment myself most of my co-patients were up there in age, 60-70-80 and yes even older. They handled things better than I did at 46 years old. They have the strength from years of life that we don't have. My mother was diagnosed at 80 and today she is cancer free and will turn 82 this month. I want her around as long as possible so I will be her biggest cheer leader! Come on start cheering!

RiaRia

Hi - I agree with chemo1 - with a possible 2 year prognosis (and why not longer?) I would run to that chemo room. Our family motto is this:

"Regardless of what came before or of what has yet to come, what matters most right now is how I choose to respond to the challenge before me. Will I lie down or will i fight?? The choice is mine and I choose to FIGHT AND FINISH STRONG."

We have posted this all around Dad's house, he carries one with him also.

There were many times Dad was discouraged - but he is now doing well and not wasting a minute of life. I wish you peace of mind whatever you choose to do. Keep us posted.
Maria

gpawelski

Being respectful of your mother's wishes is not giving up the fight or anything to do with being cheerful or not. It is being respectful of "her" wishes.

In adding anecdotal stories, my wife at the ages between 62 and 64, had some of the nastiest surgies anyone can have done. A metastatic transdiaphragmatic tumor from her original cancer (twenty-four years before), with attachment to the lung and other midline structures of the chest. Parts of those structures were surgically resected (including one rib) and goretex added where her diaphragm used to be. Then two years later, thanks to Taxol resistance, she had a solitary cerebellar brain tumor excised.

Aggressive treatment, like surgical excision of tumor and correct and reasonable adjuvant treatment, in patients with limited or no systemic disease can yield long-term survival. However, delayed, deleterious side effects of incorrect adjuvant treatment are particularly tragic and there is no survival benefit or prolonged independence. The patient cannot experience the beneficial improvement in quality of life.

Some people would have you believe that because their bodies didn't give out after receiving chemotherapy or radiation that these treatments are "A-Okay." There are those who question whether treatment may do more harm than good. Being respectful of your mother's wishes would be noble in her eyes, whatever those wishes are.

Mouse07

My grandmother (68) who rasied me is believed to possibly have stage 4 lung cancer. No biopsy yet to confirm. She to seems to be okay with this being it. She is usually a fighter ( had open heart surgery in 1995). This time its differnt her main goals is to be pain free, not be sick, not be in the hospital, and not lose her hair. Its easy to say fight but you CAN NOT make someone fight for themselves. I too am at a loss. I feel your frustration and confusion. Its her life and I will and con not force her to suffer for whatever is left of it but I do want her around as long as possible. I just had a baby (her first great grand child) and I want her in her life so much. So I guess the question for those of you who say fight is how do you get someone to fight when they are done?! I would love to stand by her side and fight but she wants to sit it out. HELP!!!

Nannie2

Your mom has the right to make that decision. Quality of life is the key question to ask her Dr not quanity.
My mother had stage 4 lung cancer. The dr (from MD Anderson) told us oh yeah i can cure the cancer. We did not know of anymore questions to really ask since we had never been through this. She had chemo and radiation. Burnt her esophagus she was not able to eat and could barely drink. We kept telling the dr she was not eating he wouldn't hear of it.
The cancer mastizes to the bones and brain. She had a tumor removed from her back, but never were we told that lung cancer ALWAYS mastizes to the brain and bones. And no pain medicine will stop the pain.
She was moved to hospice 7 mths after being dx'd and never was herself again. She still was not eating much and the (Lung cancer) Dr came by her hospital room the day we were moving her to Hospice to tell us he had cured the lung Cancer. Oh well whoopty-do she was dying of brain and bone cancer and of course starvation.
My Father also had Esophageal cancer and was also not told he would never have quality life once he had surgery. He had quanity life. In a bed for 6 mths after surgery. Mortality rate if this type cancer is 75% but not once did the dr's tell us this.
You have no right to put any sort of pressure on your mom to do anything other than her own wishes.
I have Chronic Mylogenious Leukemia, was given 6 mths to live in 04-2007, if I did not have a bone marrow transplant, and start chemo drip and radiation. I did not do either. Nobody knows what Gods plans are and these Dr's are not GOD.
A cousin of mine had lung cancer stage 3 she under went the chemo-radiation and had all the side effects. and actually lived almost 2 years, but it mastized to her bone and brain and was in sever pain for the last 8 mths of her life, as my mother was, and no medication will releive the pain. To watch your loved on suffer is worse than losing them.
I am truly so sorry for the pain you are going through but you have to put your wanting your mother with you forever aside and do lots and lots of research. But in the end you have to ask Quality of life and the mortality rate of this type of treatment. The cure is not here and the treatments are still in experimental stages. I today can tell you I am alive I take a chemo pill daily. Side effects..LOL I am sever ADD (never had before in my life) bone pain and memory loss. I am not able to travel far from my home because I get lost easy. Can not stress over anything or my brain will totally shut down, sometimes cannot carry on a full conversation. Sometimes cannot finish a conversation I forgot what I was going to say. But I am alive and I get to play with my 2 yr old granddaughter. She doesn't get mad at me for not finishing a sentence or forgetting what we were playing.
I have to have someone around when cooking because I may forget I am cooking and burn the house down.
I was changing my mothers diaper when she died.
She was a vegtable for 5 and a half months before she passed away, we sat with her day and night as she just layed in the bed waiting.
The Dr's have come a very long way with research but a cure is not in the forseable future. Only more experimenting.
God Bless you and your family as you travel down this long hard road. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Anita

triedbyfire

I'm 64 young. Almost a year ago I had a lumpectomy grade 3. I opted not to get treatment, especially since I had clean sentinel nodes and margins. I was told that most likely I wouldn't have a recurrence.
In my recent mammogramn they discover more suspecious califciations. I just had another biopsy. They think it is a recurrence. I'm waiting for the results. If I had an invasive cancer throughout my body I probably wouldn't treat it with traditional medicine. If it were local...I may do surgery and radiation. I would also do naturapathic medicine.

If I were in your mothers shoes I would most likely do the same thing. Dignity is a huge thing. I admire women who are brave enough to go through the treatments. The side affects of the treatments scare me more than death.
For these reasons if I were in her shoes I would fore go treatment.
1. If it's that invasive then most likely it's landed other places..and it's a never ending battle. Feeling bad all the time is horrible. I would rather live my days out enjoying the sunshine, the rain, and those around me.
2. The time and expense can ruin or stress out a family.
3. Before radical surgery and chemo I would try the natural treatments first. There is a lot out there.
4. Chemo can do more damage in the long run than good. It ages you...and what do you have...possibly 5 years, most spent in treatment and fear of it coming back again...or allowing the side affects to eat away at you. There are the surviors, and there are those who lost their last years to pain, and fear of the cancer monster. That's a risk I rather not take.

Everyone must make the choices that will enable them to live a full and meaningful life. Some people successfully meet the challenge in treatment, others fight it through alternative medicine. Some can over come the disease, and others can't. There is not a fast rule, but to live everyday as if it were your last.

I know what I present is not popular. As a cancer victim I've thought about this a lot. I hope what I share doesn't offend any one. It's just how I see things at this point in my journey. Life is beautiful. I want to keep it that way.

youngestdaughter

My mom is 80 and was diagnosed with lung cancer 3 weeks ago. She has emphysema & is refusing any type of treatment (other than her regular oxygen). Her doctors have told her she can stop her other meds, if she wants. I am 48 years old and have either lived with my mom, or my mom has lived with me for 42 of those years. She is extremely positive and is dying with much grace and dignity. It is a very, very difficult situation for me, but, doesn't seem to be bother her much. Now that she if off her meds, she says she is feeling terrific. She states that she has no fear and is looking forward to going "HOME". I will pray for you and your mom, and hope that you will do the same for my mom and me. My dad died 27 years ago, and she is looking forward to being reunited with him. This is the most graceful thing my mother has ever done in her life. I hope that when its my turn, I will have such dignity. Sometimes we talk about what is happening to her body, and sometimes we just sit together and say nothing. I worry about the pain that is certain to come her way, but, all we can do is take it day by day. Hospice will be involved before too long, and I am just thankful for each pain-free day she has. Enjoy your time with your mom. Talk about the good times in your lives and cherish the memories that you and she are making today. My heart is broken, but, my faith is strong. Although we will be separated soon, we firmly believe it will only be a temporary separation. It is so sad to say "see ya later" to your mother, no matter how old you are. I am sorry for your pain, but hope that your mom will have a peaceful departure.

borwin98

Nanita, thank you for a very honest and informative posting. The truth may sometimes hurt but in the end is what most people really want to hear.
God Bless.
Ann

Nannie2

I was not trying to be cruel. Geez but I want the people to know the whole picture. It hard to write that and I am so sorry for the pain I may have caused. But as a caretaker and a cancer warrior I want to know the truth no matter. And when it is all said and done I have heard so many people say i wish I had know all of it.
Anita

ainmama2001

My mom passed from NSCLC in June of 2007. My Dad was diagnosed in February of 2008. He had a lobectomy and was told by his doctor that they had clean margins, and he was 95% cured. He had his follow up CT in October, which revealed the MANY mets in what remained of his lung, as well as the tumor on his spine. His prognosis now, is less than one year.

My mother went from her first symptom (we found the brain tumor first) to gone in three months. She did radiation and ONE singular session of chemo, from which she contracted a blood infection. She was in hospice care for about one month -almost completely paralyzed. In that time, they kept her symptoms and pain managed and she was able to spend some quality time with her family and friends. She died peacefully at home, with her family surrounding her.

My dad is opting for the same route. He is asymptomatic at this time, so he's going to Italy for 10 days. Then, my siblings and I are going to spend Christmas with him. We are expecting him to start a decline in health at the beginning of the year or so. We don't expect him to see his 80th birthday in May.

The fight is an individual one. All we can be is the cheerleader for which ever game they decide to play. Cancer is a family disease, but the carrier has the ball and has the right to call the plays. As long as your mom has all the facts and information, she should be able to make her own decisions. We as children need to respect that, no matter how hard it is. It's what they would do for us.

Mostly, talk to mom about it. There is a fine line between letting her know how you feel and GUILTING her into doing what you want. I know, I've straddled it for going on three years now. Cancer is a horrible disease that leaves the patient with no control. This decision, my opinion is very individual and belongs to them.

I'd love to chat with you, if you need an ear.
Heidi

UnekeoneCC

Thanks to everyone who has posted regarding my post from April 2008. The purpose of my original post was to gather more information about alternatives so that I could provide that to my mother so she would be able to make an informed decision. The day I found out my mother's diagnosis, I told her whatever she decides, I will be there for her.

Since my post, I have helped my mother with educated her on options she never new were available to her. The only memory of cancer she had was when a dear friend died over 20 years ago of breast cancer and all my mother new was the horrific treatments she endured to only die shortly afterwards because the cancer had already spread throughout her body. Knowing this occurred over 20 years ago, I was sure that new treatments had been developed that may be able to help my mother if she wanted to extend her life.

After talking further with my mom, she had decided on her own to talk with a specialist and went to the Nevada Cancer Research Institute where she got more educated and realized she may have options other than the radical treatments she had witnessed in the past. She went through a couple of rounds of chemo (after a biopsy was finally done and a confirmed diagnosis was provided). The cancer has stayed in her lungs and she is currently going doing chemo about every 3 weeks on Alimpta (spelling?).

She recently got to see her grand-daughter born which was one of her goals that had her thinking of doing some type of treatment. Her last CT scan, just 2 weeks ago, showed slight shrinkage of the largest tumor that is near the aorta. While they are all still present, they seemed to have slowed which is providing her with more time to spend with her grandbaby. She does get a little ill for about 3 days after the treatment, but states it is not too bad for her to handle. At some point I know she will want to stop her treatments and she knows she has my complete support whenever SHE decides that. She is researching her options for the time when she knows she will need hospice and wants to be able to make an informed decision. We have a lot to be thankful for this upcoming Thanksgiving and we plan to spend it together. We know, there probably won't be many more if any. Thank you all for your words and encouragement and please don't think my post was intended to find a method of "guilting" my mother into something she didn't want. My intention was purely learning how others have dealt with learning about someone dealing with cancer, losing a loved one and to educate myself so I could support my mom the best as possible.

Thanks again and I wish you all the best.
CC

UnekeoneCC

Update on mom's status:

It's been a little while since I have had time to post anything here. My mom found out in 4/08 that she may have lung cancer after an xray revealed something abnormal in her lungs after going to the doc thinking she had bronchitis again.

Since that time my mom has gone through several rounds of different chemo treatments which seemed to have stalled the growth of the tumors in her lungs, but the tumor on one of her lymph nodes continued to grow. Just 2 weeks ago, her docs switched her to Tarceva.

After 5 days of treatment, while upstairs, she felt dizzy, lightheaded, lost her vision and it was all she could do to just sit down and try not to fall down the steps. She was taken to the hospital where they determined she was severly dehydrated and, while there, she had at least 6 recorded ventricular tachycardia's. She told me she just started shutting down.

It was this day, 7/25/09, that my mom decided she had had enough chemo since she really wasn't getting any quality of life. She told her Onc she wanted to go onto hospice care. He contacted them and they arrived at the hospital within the hour. Mom returned home on Monday, 7/27 and hospice had a hospital bed in her living room by Tuesday. My family and I left AZ to visit her in Las Vegas that day and stayed for the week. While we were there, I noticed she was having difficulty swallowing, talking and waking with pain in the middle of the night.

Yesterday, 8/4, hospice increased her morphine dosage along with providing a liquid breakthrough dose and explained her back pain, loss of voice and difficulty swallowing is typical for someone at her stage of NSCLC.

My fear is that as she is ready to pass that her internal defibulator won't allow her to. She has stated she will make an appointment with her cardiologist to disable the batteries, but I am afraid it won't be soon enough which may cause her more pain if her heart keeps getting jolted to start once she is ready to pass.

Does anyone have insight on what typically occurs at the stage she is at and the time frame of continued life once someone at this stage shows signs of the symptoms she is experiencing? Any info would be appreciated.

While we are as prepared as we can be for the end, I still wonder how much more suffering she will have to endure...that of which none of us want to see her go through.

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