My wife chides me for developing conspiracy theories about the Medical Overlords.
"What are you talking about?" I ask her.
"I just very much doubt they are not telling you things they've discovered, or they are not treating you in the hopes you'll wither to the point you can't even punch in their number on the phone," she says.
"I'm switching to Skype when I call," I tell her, "They won't be able to screen me with caller ID. You watch. They'll answer the Skype call."
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I have noticed a little leaning to the left of center when it comes to the conspiracy thing. I think this is called paranoia. And I know when it started. It started when I had this enormous set of symptoms and started bouncing from doc to doc to doc. One of them even asked me if I'd had instances of urinary incontinence. (This one really troubled me...why did he ask that?...I looked down and there were no tell-tale stains or anything like that...why DID he ask me that? Maybe he knew something.....)
Yes, this is paranoia, and I am going to get my name in the journals when I "discover" a new psychiatric disorder "Treatment Paranoia." Debates will rage at the annual conferences, on the practice greens of some of the nation's finest golf courses and in chat rooms where docs hang out and tell jokes about...me....the guy that tried to subvert their security systems by calling in on Skype. What a pain this patient is...plus one of the Docs over at Clinic A thinks he wets the bed. True story. (Sounds of ice cubes in the gin glass.....) Yep, don't call this one back.....