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Kind of Off Topic...But I want to say something

spartyman71
0 Recommendations

This week has been very hard for many of us. But I am glad that maybe we helped some of our friends in some way know that somebody truly cares.

My mom died May 3rd, in my house, in my arms. She was 92. She was a woman of great substance and love. Her love for me was totally unconditional and I got to receive her love for 60 1/2 years.

I didn't think this would be so difficult as she was 92 and had been failing mentally for about a year. But I was soooo wrong.

I am in so much grief and just feel stuck. So is Sherry. Sherry's mother has had no contact with her for absolutely no reason for years. My mom was Sherry's mom in so many ways. So our grief is together. My point is, I never realized that no matter how old, how sick, how anything anyone is, if you love them and lose them there is void and pain like nothing I have ever experienced in my life.

Even in this , what should be joyful period for us right now, we feel little joy. Only loss, pain, etc. Some days are better than others but this week has been the worst by far.

We are seeing a psych. tommorrow morning to help us through this difficult time. We want to feel joy again, and I know my mom would us to also.

AND THEN I LOOK AT MARK AND KELLEY and our overseas frineds, and so many others that are also living with fear, grief and pain and I wonder why I can't just get over this and be thankful for waht i had and what I have.

We are going to take a little 3 or 4 vacation from the board to get ourselves back to a better place so we can continue to truly help others. We will read and keep track of all of you, our prayers will continue, and our hearts still will go out to everyone.

We just have some issues of our own that need to be taken care of so we find a path to a path to a better place.

and don't forget:

the woods are lovely, dark and deep
But I have promises to keep
and miles to go before I sleep
and miles to go before I sleep.

Tom and Sherry

Explore topics in this discussion:

Cancer Counseling Pain Falls Bladder cancer

18 replies

roadrunner

Tom and Sherry,

Loosing a parent,,,a spouse,,,every situation is different,as is the road through bladder cancer...
My dad was 87,,,he passed 3 years ago,,in hospice,but I now find the times I shared with him to be my constant reminder he would want me to be happy,,,,,,,,getting beyond the sadness is hard,,when your facing the sadness of bladder cancer......as well,,,,,,so a time out maybe in order,,,to settle some this you can't overcome by yourself,,,,,in your heart and mind,
Still I have some spirit for those fighting these heart renching situations,,,that they will find there way,,,,as we contine to fight for those who are beginning there journey in hopes we can make a difference.....
I hope you can find the peace, as I have found after loosing my dad,,,,I keep him close by in my heart,,
right where he belongs,

Ginger

mendo_lady

Tom and Sherry

May the memories fill your heart with joy
and put a smile upon your lips.

Step back, regroup and treasure the time and miles that you and Sherry have before you.

Your heart is big, your words always genuine and I would be amiss if I didn't say that I look forward to a post soon from you that makes me giggle.

Nancy

15yrsurvivor

You feel this way because you are a kindhearted and unselfish person. It's hard to celebrate anything when
others you care about are suffering!
I'm so sorry about your mom. She sounds like she was a truly exceptional lady.

Karego

Tom, Go find the peace you seek. We'll be here when you return.
Life continues for you and you need to be able to enjoy it.
Take care, friends
Karego

nancynursez637

Losing parents are sentinel events, we move in to the elder generation when they are gone. Sometimes leadership of the family falls to us, or other key issues.

I am repeating my self here but I found that the first year was the hardest, all of the birthdays, and holidays and special occasions crop up with a new wave of grief. It is ok, it is normal to feel that way. As we wait for normal to be restored we gradually come to realize normal has shifted, is something new we might not even recognize. While the loss may with time be tempered, their is always a hole in our soul for love ones lost. But we learn we can survive the loss and move on to some degree.

I lost my brother to the VietNam war.......he was so smart and so funny, and I had nearly raised him myself until I went away to college. Now some 40 years later, I can still be moved to tears with the sounding of Taps, or seeing other folks go through loss of children to war.
I guess my point is a new normal settles in eventually, but in the short term you need to weep the tears and feel the losses and it is ok. I like Tom and Sherry's idea of stepping back and dealing wth the here and now, and even seeking a counselor to help them find their way through it. We can all learn from their journey and how they handle it.

Nancy

dizzydaisy

I am really sorry to hear about your mom. There is no one on this world that you can have a connection with like your mom, it is one of the greatest losses of life.
My Mom passed away 15 years ago, we had rough roads, but as I have aged I realized what a wonderful person she was and strong, and to this day, especially now I find myself talking to her. The realazation of what a mother is to you is only mind boggling when she is gone.
So I agree you do need time to regroup, it is a great loss and you need to feel ever feeling and know that it is ok. A big ok.
May you find the peace you need, but you need to remember all of the good things and times you had with her. A mother is a mother is a mother, forever, because there is only one.

Ciboney1

Tom and Sherry:
Take your time and find some peace while doing it. Take a walk on the beach and watch a sunset or two, or three...go to Houghton Lake and try to enjoy a few days...
I will be thinking of you enjoying the water...
Arlene

Tagmike

Moms are special. Mine called out of the blue a half hour after I was told I had large mass in my Bladder. Her first question was "what's wrong"

cat22

Tom and Sherry. I am so sorry you are both having such a rough time. You two have been through so much. I hope you have a wonderful few days together, and that counseling will bring you some peace and restore your spirit.

Hugs,
Cathy

Sophiedo

Tom and Sherry,

I am sorry for the loss of your sweet Mother. My Mom has been gone for 14 yrs. but there are so many things I have gone through since she died that I wish she were here to tell me everything was going to be all right, she was always like a warm blanket and I miss her so much, like I know you do your Mom. Take care of yourselves.

Lynn

YvonneM

So sorry for your loss. Definately take the time you need to heal. We will anxiously await your return. You and your wife are in my prayers.
Yvonne

Memi

You will be missed, Tom, but you need to nourish yourself in order to help others. Will be praying for healing of mind, spirit and body for you and Sherry.

Memi

rockandroll

Our hearts and prayers go out to you. I lost my Mom in 1979, my Dad in 1980 and my sister 3 weeks after my Dad. Losing a loved one is vary hard. It's good that you are seeking help. It's good that you are taking care of your issues. Heal well.

Bill

JeanneS

Nothing matters but the loss when someone we love dies.
My mom and stepdad died months apart just in the last 9months. You never forget , but you do go on.
What you both are feeling is so normal, and expected.
Time helps , as do the sweet memories you have.

hugs, Jeanne

randyb42

Tom:
Please be assured that your words have helped me when I needed support during my 'days of panic'. Now that I am home and anticipating a complete recovery I look back on those days and feel the strength I received from the struggle and am grateful for the encouagement you and others in this network have given me.
God bless you and thanks again.
Randy

Kyle-MO

Tom, take a while to clear the mind, to renourish the body, and cleanse the soul. We will miss you while your away.
Take care,
Kyle

spartyman71

Update: Both Sherry and I met with the Hospice Social Worker Saturday and she was wonderful. We are going to meet with her 2 times a week for the next couple of weeks. It was so refreshing to talk with someone who understands!

jj803

Hi Tom,

I am glad to hear that you are making progress. The emotional side of life can so often be the most difficult and for sure is the hardest to heal. Best wishes,

JJ

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