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I deleted my discussion on 'Am I wrong" because it was opening a can of worms that I did not want to let out. Hope I did not offend anyone by doing that, I just thought it was best to end it. I received and read everyones opinions and it was over and done with. Sorry if anyone took it the wrong way.......Mary
Good call, Mary! Best of luck to you.
Mary, you brought up a very important issue. One that many may face yet no one wants to - it is the human condition.
I think the responses you received demonstrated just what a dilemma it is ! There is no right answer there is only your answer - the road you choose because it's right for you.
Very good luck
eric
Good call Mary,,,,
hope to visit with you soon,,,,
ginger
My best to you. Take care and know you do have friends here.....
Arlene
Hi Mary. I can only speak for myself, but after some time away from my computer today I went back and re-read the whole discussion, as I do with most of them. I can understand why you deleted it. You know that I have been very fond of you and Dennis. And I really believe that all who knew the two of you loved, and continue to love you. I have been through some similar experience, it is very difficult. I got the sense that everyone who responded really did so out of love and concern. I think at the core of things we all want you to be happy, you have been though so much. You and Dennis have always been special and I think most of us were impacted by his death. We just care about you. Many of us know, because we have been though it, that cancer and death of a spouse can distort our thinking and it is a time when we feel alone and needy. But it is also a time to be cautious in making decisions. When I lost my firs wife I think I was just a robot, I remember doing things, but I don;t recall what I was really like. My friends have told me how I really felt and how hurt I really was. It was difficult , still is, to believe that, I was essentially a non-living live human. The emotions trapped me. Had it not been for my friends to guide me I do not know what would have happened to me. We don;t ever want you to be unhappy again, I think when all the responses to that discussion are put together they say "Mary we love you, we loved Ben, although not as you do, and we want you to go slow and to be sure you are guided by what is real, by your heart, and not by pain and emotions. You did the right thing by asking us for advice. You are a bright loving person who can put all this together, and of course only you can do this. Personally, all I want for you is to be happy, to take time to be sure you are not guided by loss, grief, depression and fear of the unknown. Sometimes good friends have to tell us that they are happy for us and also tell us we are wrong, we are moving too fast, etc., etc. I had a close friend who lost is wife several year ago. He came to my home one night and said he needed to speak with me. We went outside and we talked. Hie had lost his wife a couple of months earlier but had recently met a woman and planned to marry her. He was lonely, thought he had gotten though is grief but in reality he had not . He could not see this, but others could. I told him, no don;t do that. It's too early Go slow and remember that you just lost your wife. He said, "well, you are not telling me what I wanted to hear". He wanted me to make the decision for him, only he could do that. He married her, she abandoned him 3 months later and it was a disaster. If only he had gone slowly. That's all we want for you Mary, to be safe, to be happy, forever. You are a kind and wonderful lady, please don;t take offense at what advice you were given.. The only ones who responded are the ones who care. I often do not like the way someone cares about me, but is the caring that is important And sometimes, not always, sometimes they see something I do not. All of us care about you. It was an emotional discussion, a painful one. I keep you in my prayers and truly hope you remain with us so you can guide and help us.
Going slowly can be wise, but there is nothing wrong with the friendship in the interim. If the relationship grows then great, it if does not grow then it was meant to be friendly support and caring. It is no ones business I guess, but I do recognize what Cheyenne is saying about emotions being in turmoil and permanent decisions can be best made once the acute pain and emotional state calms. But you were not wrong in the post, nor in the relationship. You asked for and got our opinions, and can take from them what you will. It is your life and you are driving it.
Nancy
Hi Mary,
I think everyone is different and every circumstance is different and until someone walks in your shoes, they shouldn't second guess your choices. I have personally talked with you on the phone and after speaking to you think you are so fortunate to have found someone who cares and who you care about. You have a LOT in common. No children on either side is a big one. Everyone here cares a great deal about you and just wants what is best for you.
Love,
Candon
Mary,
I just want to say that I wish the best for you.
Hugs,
Nancy
Hi Mary,glad you posted as always! sending hugs and hope today in some way gives you a smile!
michelle
Thank you all for the love and caring. It really and truly means a lot to me. Cheyenne, I understand everything you said. I am not upset with anyones comments or opinions. I only deleted the discussion because it looked to me like it could have been getting out of hand. I realize everyone is different, everyone has a different outlook on life and personal experiences. Honest, I was not upset with any of the comments. I did want to hear the positive and negative and I did. I still love and care about everyone here(Stacy, Ginger, Cheyenne, Candon, Jack, Karego, Eric, Daveyo,Nancy, Arlene and everyone else).....Mary
Thank you Stacy! I would like to be your friend too. We all learn from everyone's experiences on here. That's why we're here.
Love you too,
Mary
Hi Mary. I know you to be a sweet kind and loving person. You are very understanding and I believe all of us benefit so much from your wisdom, experiences and knowledge. You have helped me a great deal. I understand why you deleted your discussion, it did seem to be going astray. That happens when there are 20 people with all kinds of emotions and worries and love for one another. I sure look forward to seeing your posts, they are invaluable. I believe you are on my friend list. If not, I would like also to add you as a friend.
Cheyenne
Thank you Cheyenne! I love reading your posts too. You are not on my friend list.....YET! But will be, i'm sure. I am at work right now. As you can see, I'm very busy......lol. I'll check back later tonight.
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