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DOES BLADDER CANCER SHAPE WHO WE BECOME?

Cheyenne
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Does bladder cancer diagnosis shape who we become? Does the cancer shape who we become? Does the treatment shape who we become? Do our responses to bladder cancer and treatments shape who we become?

Explore topics in this discussion:

Heart disease Cancer Surgery Arthritis Leukemia Chronic pain Falls Incontinence Burns Bruises Pain Bladder cancer

65 replies

roadrunner

Cheyenne,
Speaking as a caregiver I would say,,,,it certainly can shape who we become,,,,,but only if you let it,,,,,I suppose we could have just got out the rocking chair,,,,and gave in,,,,my husband says if I hadn't been there his life would not be what it is today,,,but what about those who are by themselves,,there journey is difficult if they have no one on there other side,,,what about the ones who find the bag something that is distasteful,,or incontinence of a neo being repulsive to them,,,,how do we make them see,,,its not so bad.....
Sure I am not wearing the bag,,,,sure,,he has his down days,,,sure its all very devasataing at times,,,
we've been there,,,,we prefer life,,,,who ever thought a urine bag would be in our life? It could be some other situation,with the heart,,,arthritis,,,?
Personalities........maybe its not so much about after you get b/c,,,,but what kind of person you were before you got bladder cancer,,,,,personality wise.....
The big picture..........just a thought........ginger

Cheyenne

Gionger, good though about what and who we are BEFORE we get bladder cancer. I also feel really concerned about those who are alone.

Also good question about who would have thought we would have an exterior urine collection facillity (EUCF, or "you sef". Well I like it better than bag although bag is OK too. But I actually had times (and still do) when I wanted one. For me, despite the difficulty, I would not only be free of the cancer God willing, but also free of the chronic pain I have had in my bladder for 40 years. My doc and I (after discussing bow hunting and wood working of course) discussed once again the treatment plan for me. He said well "we'll do the 6 week BCG then if the cysto is clear do it on a maintenance basis and check it every three months. If at any time something shows up that is not threatening the muscle we will do BCG and Interferon and go through the same process. If that doesn't work we'll try (he named a bunch of chemo drugs to choose from, as if I were in a candy store) but they will make you really sick for a while. And if that does not work then you get your wish, you get to have your bladder taken out". My wife wants me to have it taken out now. She does not like the idea of trying things. If I get a bag, it will most definitely have NASCAR decals on it. Or ATV pics, or..., well let's leave it there for now.

Bob_M

Nope! I am who I am. Is that a quote from a cartoon character?

Cancer HAS made me more appreciative of living life but I suspect any traumatic experience one survives could have that affect.

Physically, disease can change how we live or limit certain activities, like riding our ATV’s. How we deal with it is the important thing.

I’m glad you’re back. You’ll help keep me out of trouble. By the way, did you see the post where I’m inviting you to speak at a sexual harassment seminar?

roadrunner

Cheyenne,
Those of you who go through years and years of bcg's,,,tests and more of the same ,travel a bit of a different journey,,,it has to be a very scary thing,,,,as that diagnosis of bladder removal must sit there hoping to keep it at bay,,,,,,I can't speak to how it affects you,,,,but can only imagine,,if it would have a big influence on who one may become,,in that situation,,,,,welcome home,,,,,,,,,,,,ginger

Cheyenne

Yes Bob, you ARE a cartoon character. And I did get the invitation. Come with dinner, obster tails, filet mignon, etc. right? And of course Milagro.

bcjerseygirl

Welcome back Cheyenne,
I really missed your wit while you were away!
I just wanted to say BC really didn't change me as a person it sure gave me more insight to life.
The big BC altered the way I live but, no matter what I will never let cancer shape me!!
I am who I am and happy in the skin I'm in!!!
Bye 4 now, Lorraine :~)

Cheyenne

Well Ginger, who know, it may be totally irrelevant after going paragliding with Shiz and Davey.

Cheyenne

Lorraine, good way to put it. Never thought of it that way, alter the way one lives, yes. Change or shape a person, only if they let it.

Moonerj

These questions I believe can be answered in different ways depending on each and everyone's situation. I know in my case, bladder cancer has changed many things in my life, especially while I was on BCG treatments for over 2 years. There were many normal activities especially in the summer that I could no longer enjoy. Bladder cancer has certainly changed my priorities in life. Most of the time I feel I am a better person since being dx with bladder cancer, but that continues to be a work in progress. Now a lot of my spare time is spend on doing my best to assist and guide bladder cancer survivors to people on this site that can help them.
So in my case, I am hoping that bladder cancer shapes the person I want to become.
Thanks for this discussion,
Jack

Cheyenne

That's a really great way to put it Jack. Never thought of it that way either. But gosh, you are so right. Shaping the way a person wants to become.

I hope people read your post carefully, it says a lot. a lot about being positive, about recognizing who we are and who we want to be. Using cancer instead of letting it use us.

vtom

Cheyenne -

I can't take credit for this but I once read - "Some people choose to let cancer DEfine them, others choose to let cancer REfine them."

Cancer has definitely refined me - I refuse to let it define me. I have learned the fine art of saying no to things that aren't important to me and clearing my schedule to spend more time with loved ones. I find myself more appreciative of life's simple pleasures and I actually feel like I've learned how to live better because of cancer.

It's like when Ginger mentioned in her post about running into an old friend who couldn't understand why she wasn't upset about her husband's situation. I run into friends all the time - old and new - and they act the same way. They tear up and don't know what to say. I really feel sorry for them because they just don't get it. I love my life - and oh by the way - I have cancer.

I look forward to my RC next month when I can change the verb tense and say - I HAD cancer. I am so over having BC stalking me and putting my life on hold time and time again. But even so, during this journey I have become stronger, more patient, more intentional and more loving. This journey also led me here - and I have met so many wonderful and caring people.

So finally to answer your question - yes - I guess cancer shapes who we become - but I will never let it define me or stop me from loving life! V

jj803

I think Veronica and Jack hit the nail on the head and it's not necessarily cancer, that's just the challenge that we at BCAN have had. Life is full of challenges, some life threatening, and we grow (or at least are changed) as a result of those challenges whether it's bc, or leukemia, or chronic heart disease or totally non medical probably doesn't matter much. But we are affected by those challenges and as a result there are changes. I also think Ginger is right, our past experiences shape what we bring into that challenge and together, the new challenge and our past shape what we become as a result. Just a thought.

JJ

Karego

I believe so many of my lifes circumstances had already prepared me to go down the cancer journey when it came knocking. I think when I was diagnosed, it was one circumstance I believed I could make life changing decisions about. So, unlike some of the prior circumstances where I had no input or no control, I chose to participate in how I would deal/survive cancer.
It has never defined me. I think I looked at it with the frame of mind that you suggested earlier - Cancer is a medical condition. So, I chose to deal with the medical condition when it occurred.
I was fortunate in that I didn't have to decide on what bladder saving treatment I would take. My bladder had to be removed before the cancer threatened my entire body as it was in the muscle wall.
Since that surgery, I've lived much as I did before. My 'personal hygiene' activities have changed some, but my personal life hasn't.
Others who have watched my progression from diagnosis to now may have a different take. Perhaps I should ask them if they believe I've changed.
Might be interesting to hear their view.
Karego

Cheyenne

V - that is really great. I love the way your worded that. Thank you!

Cheyenne

JJ and Karego, thanks, that added another perspective on dealing with BC. Good thoughts, thanks.

JeanneS

"Does bladder cancer shape who we become?"


Nope , I look nothing like a bladder, more like a fire hydrant.

Cheyenne

OK Jeanne. Had to wait till I stopped rolling on the floor! I don;t know which part is funnier? The fire hydrant I guess!. Hey, lay off those strawberries.

I guess you answered the question though. Now we know if BC shapes who we become, or is it strawberries?, Forgot. Oh, OK, now I remember, it's fire hydrants, they shape who we will become, well, hard to say actually, both are red. No, where I live they color code them according to water pressure. Oh I am so confused. The world is too complicated for me.

Leslie45

No wonder I love this site and the many fantastic folks in our special "family"....these are all great perspectives and "life wisdoms". I refuse to let this damn cancer define who I am - I love Veronica's post of "Other's choose to let cancer REFINE them".

Prior to being diagnosed with b/c I was very ambitious and driven by work, putting in 60 hour work weeks, focusing on how do I continue to move up in my position, etc.

The gift that the b/c beast gave me was a new perspective in life and what truly counts.....family, friends, and my spiritual journey to keep my faith.

Now I deal with quarterly cysto's, BCG maintenance, and a heart and soul that has been refined.

Leslie

Cheyenne

Good for you Leslie. Glad you let it refine you and not define you. I guess we have a choice though don't we. We can decide whether BC will define us, refine us, make us think we are fire hydrants or strawberries, shape us or not shape us, depress us or energize us, make us afraid or make us fearless. Veronica did put very nicely.

silgal

I love what you all had to say here... especially Veronica's and Karen's... and I also think it has changed a little bit the way I react to things.. Before, I spent a lot of time wondering "Why was that secretary/bank clerk/customer/student/driver mean TO ME?" now, I often think.... what if they got some kind of diagnosis that day, for BC or something else... maybe they're suffering inside and don't have INSPIRE to help... maybe i approach them with less judgement....

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Related links from BCAN

Researchers are looking for bladder cancer survivors to complete a telephone survey. Click here for more information.

Newly diagnosed
Information for those newly diagnosed with bladder cancer from BCAN.

Bladder Cancer Basics for the Newly Diagnosed
Download or order a copy of BCAN's patient handbook "Bladder Cancer Basics for the Newly Diagnosed" free of charge.

Clinical trials
Get information about clinical trials and BCAN's Clinical Trials Matching Service which is offered at no charge.

Women and bladder cancer
Information about women and bladder cancer from BCAN.

BCAN's glossary (PDF)

BCAN's November Patient Forum in San Francisco
"Understanding Bladder Cancer: A BCAN Patient Forum"
San Francisco, CA
Saturday, November 7, 2009
9:30 am - 2:30 pm
The forum and lunch are free, but pre-registration is required at www.bcan.org or 888-901-BCAN

Presentations from BCAN's May 2009 Patient Forum
Presentations and slides from BCAN's most recent Patient Forum in Cleveland. Those diagnosed with non-muscle-invasive bladder cancer will be most interested in Dr. Jones' and Dr Pohar's presentations. People diagnosed with muscle-invasive bladder cancer will be most interested in Dr. Gong and Dr. Gilligan's presentations. Dr. Campbell talks about improving outcomes in bladder cancer patients, and Dr. Hansel talks about the importance of pathology in diagnosing, staging, and deciding on treatment for each patient.

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